Countdown to FREEDOM

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Short Timer

It’s July 1st – six months down, six months to go.  I cannot even describe how happy I am to be that much closer to freedom.

I’m about to go on my first vacation of the year.  I get to be a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding this weekend.  This is my second time being a bridesmaid.  The first time was more than 20 years ago and I’ve been a maid-of-honor twice – also 20-some years ago.  Those marriages are all still intact … for some reason that really makes me happy. 
Anyway, I’m packed and ready to go and looking forward to a few days of rest.  After my successful 100-mile challenge, I needed the break.  Next week I’ll be back at the gym, but this week is just about rest.  I love vacations where there is absolutely nothing on the agenda.  I don’t suppose this really qualifies as that … you know, because of the wedding and all, but you know what I mean.  All I have to do is put on a dress and show up.  Not exactly sure what I’m going to do with this hair (#naturalhairproblems) but I’ll figure something out.
Earlier in the week, I was passed over for an opportunity that I really wanted.  Funny thing is, I wasn't really that disappointed.  I remembered this:

And I kept it moving. 

I’m actually looking forward to what God has in store.  I know that His plan will be for my good.  I really wish I had adopted this attitude when I was younger instead of falling into a blue funk each time I didn’t get what I thought I deserved. Life would have been so much more enjoyable.
When you know better, you do better!


Friday, June 27, 2014

Who Are You Leaning On?

One reason why God allows us at times to be disappointed with our fellow human beings is so that we might learn to stop leaning on man. He desires to free us from such idolatry (for it is a form of idolatry to depend on man), so that we might learn to lean wholly upon Him alone. And so when God orders your circumstances in such a way that you are disappointed on every side, that shouldn’t discourage you. It is just God weaning you away from the arm of flesh so that you might learn to live by faith in Him. Learn to find your security in the fact that God loves you as He loved Jesus.

I took the above quote from a devotional that I recently read and it struck me.  I love getting new revelations and having the opportunity to see things in a slightly different way.
I consider myself to be a good friend.  I’m loyal.  I’m trustworthy.  I’m discrete.  I won’t tell your business.  Ironically, though I don’t have many friends.  I think the reason for that is that I hold people to a very high standard.  Maybe too high.  I don’t leave a lot of room for mistakes.  I expect people to be as good a friend to me as I am to them.  That’s not really fair, I suppose.  If a person hurts me, there is very little chance that they will be given an opportunity to do it again – because they’ve been unceremoniously cut off.  Hurt me once, shame on you.  Hurt me twice – oh yeah, there won’t be a twice.

After reading the devotional I started thinking and came to the conclusion that if I didn’t place such a heavy burden on those around me (not to disappoint me) then when disappointment comes (and it will come) I won’t be so discouraged.  People are people.  They make mistakes.  I make mistakes and if God treated me the way I treated people for making mistakes, where would I be?
It is not anyone’s job to fulfill me or make me happy.  I can’t lean on other people for that.  God wants me to lean on Him and Him alone. 

There is a challenge that comes with this belief though.  Because I don’t think that God wants us to walk the earth all alone.  I believe He wants us to be in relationships with other people but we are not to place unreasonable expectations on those that we are in relationships with.  Does that make sense?
Anyway, just something to think about.  Have a good weekend.  I’m finishing up my June 100-mile challenge tomorrow and then I’m going to the beach!

Friday, June 20, 2014


There comes a time in everyone’s life when they’ve just had enough. 
I’ve come to this point many times in my life actually.  What usually follows is some kind of drastic change or emotional outburst.  I’m really too old for emotional outbursts.  They never end well and I never feel better afterwards.  I need a more effective way of handling stress. 
Yoga maybe.

I tend not to deal with things as they happen.  I have a tendency to hold my tongue opting to deal with things at a later time.  Unfortunately, “a later time” never materializes and the issue doesn’t go away,  it just sits there – waiting to emerge in a negative way.

On a more positive note, I have a two vacations coming up!  I’ll be traveling to Texas next month to be in my brother’s wedding. 

I am so happy for him and my future sister-in-law.  It does my heart good to see such a happy couple willing to commit to each other.  Then in September I’m going to Hawaii, baby. 
This is going to be the trip of a lifetime.  I can’t think of a better way to celebrate my 50th year.

Fifty years!  It seems like such a long time … until you’re actually there.   In some ways, it feels like the blink of an eye but when I look back over all the experiences that I’ve had it feels like a lot longer.  Thinking about it makes me kinda tired.  I’ve packed quite a bit into the first 50 and I still have so much to do.
I get annoyed when I see the quotes announcing that “50 is the new …” Fifty is not the new anything.  Fifty is 50.  I have a hard time defining it because once upon a time I certainly looked at 50 as being old and incapable of doing much.  I do more now than I ever did at 30, that’s for sure.  I’m not 30 and I don’t want to be 30.  Thirty sucked – at least for me it did.  Forty was cool and I know that 50 is going to be spectacular.
Change can be difficult for people and I can’t say I’m exactly looking forward to all the changes that are about to take place but I’m open to them.  They are necessary and are leading me to a happier state of mind.  I am a creature of habit and I’m most comfortable when I have an established routine – but how boring is that? That’s why it takes me so long to get stuff – I didn’t get my first smartphone until 2010 – and that was a Blackberry (face palm).  This weekend I’m getting my first tablet.  I never hop on the trends because I “like the way things are”.  But I think I miss out on quite a bit by not changing sooner.  Does that make sense?  Anyway, I’m rambling.

Hope you all have a fantastic weekend.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014


I stole this idea for a blog post from THIS BLOG and I thought it was a clever way to concisely explain (almost) everything that is currently going on with me ...

ENJOYING- the fact that summer is finally here.  This past winter was excruciating and I’m enjoying the heat and everything that goes with it:  longer days, shorts, sandals and driving with the top down!

LOVING-  having both my kids in the house.  It’s weird – I enjoy the solitude that I have when they are out doing their own thing but I love the peace I feel knowing that they are safe under my roof.

FEELING- completely content with where I am in my life.  I know that God has a plan for me and I’m excited to know that everything is falling into place exactly as it should. 

READING -  Nothing.  For the first time in a long time I don’t have something that I’m currently reading.  I just ordered a hard copy of the poem “We Speak Your Names” by Pearl Cleage because I felt I needed to own a copy as a reminder after Dr. Angelou’s death.

THINKING ABOUT-  A lot of things but mainly how good it feels to be on my own and totally happy with that.  I’m also thinking about turning 50 this year and what my life is going to look like in 2015.  Exciting things are on the horizon but I have to remind myself not to spend too much time looking ahead or I’ll forget to enjoy right now!  When I visualize it, I see myself in the center of a giant slingshot and I’m about to be flung far away from what my current “normal’ is into something completely different.  Odd, I know.

LISTENING TO-   The India Arie station on Pandora.  I get India, Lauryn, Mary J., Maxwell, Common, Erica Badu…I love this station when I’m working out in the morning.

WATCHING – I just finished watching Season 1 of True Blood again in preparation for the final season which should start in a couple of weeks.  I’m also watching repeats of the Big Bang Theory – don’t ask me why.

COUNTING DOWN- I’m counting down the days until I’m free from the plantation.  Five months down, seven to go!