Countdown to FREEDOM

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Who Are You, Really?

I have heard countless stories of women who feel that they finally discovered who they really were after a break up.  Or after the loss of a job.  Or after their kids left home.  I don’t have to go very far to hear one of these stories because it is also my story.

Why is that?

Why is it so difficult for a woman to be who she really is within the confines of a relationship? Should I use the word “confines”?  It makes the relationship sound so restricting – like bondage.  Sounds Freudian to me.

Anyway, I’m sure there are plenty of reasons but one of the thoughts that I had concerning the subject is that while we are in the relationship we are so busy making sure our partner’s needs are met that we completely forget about our own needs.  We take on total responsibility for the other person’s happiness.  Or is it just me?

In my last relationship, which ended in 2010, I never did anything that I thought conflicted with what my S/O was doing.  Granted, he was “special” (and not in a good way) and I spent most of my time on eggshells.  I remember once going to a yoga class early on a Saturday morning and afterward I had to spend a significant amount of time explaining why.  It was exhausting and I found it much easier to just join him in his activities instead of having my own.

I have one word for that:  Whack. 

After finally extricating myself from that whackness, I spent many months alone trying to figure out what it was that I wanted to do.  Who was I if I wasn’t the musician’s girlfriend? I was so depressed because I felt like I had no idea who the hell I was.  How did I let this happen?

That all changed in 2011.  That was the year I began running for exercise.  I joined BGR! and eventually ran my first 5k

I look at this cup now and I realize that this was the beginning of me finding out who I am, really.  Since then I’ve run several other races, I began strength training, competed in figure competitions, became a certified fitness trainer and opened my own business.

The best is yet to come.

In 2015 I plan to work my business full-time, get certified as a Nutrition Specialist, get a certificate in Health Coaching and become a Professional Figure Competitor.

I have a lot going on and I can’t remember a time when I was happier.  I know who I am and the direction that I am going in is crystal clear.  What could be better than that?


Sunday, November 23, 2014

I Admit It - I'm an Introvert - and that's OK!

I read this article and totally identified with the author.  People who are not introverted really don’t “get” us.  And that’s okay.  We seem standoffish, snobby, socially awkward and a host of other adjectives that really don’t do us justice.  We are who we are.

Being an introvert means I require a lot of “me” time.  Like, a lot. It doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy your company, I just enjoy my own much more.

Being an introvert means I will never call you just to chat.  I’m not a chatter.  If we haven’t spoken in forever and you come across my mind I may call to see if you’re okay.  Once I know you’re okay, I’m good and we don’t have to speak again for a while.  I still love you though.

Being an introvert means if you invite me to do something and I agree, it would be in your best interest not to cancel.  Commitments are important and mean something to me and I don’t accept invitations all willy-nilly.  Likewise, I don’t extend them all willy-nilly.

Being an introvert means I would much rather have a very small circle of close friends than a whole gaggle of acquaintances.

Being an introvert means I’m not a fan of participating in team sports, group chats, potluck dinners, or the meet-and-greet portion of the church service.  I participate in all of these things because I’m not rude, but it is difficult for me.

So yeah.  That’s what being an introvert means for me … I’m going to spend the rest of the day washing, deep conditioning and twisting my hair, doing my nails, cooking for the week, storyboarding some things for my business and catching up on some television -- all by myself – and that’s OK!  

Monday, November 10, 2014


I’ve been thinking a lot about sacrifices lately.  Mostly because I’m in “competition prep” mode.  In thirteen weeks I’ll be stepping on the stage again … this time as a 50-year old competitor.  I know I won’t be the oldest competitor there but I’ll probably be one of the oldest.  And I’m fine with that.  My age doesn’t have anything to do with anything.  I’m on a mission.  I want to win.   Not just my class – I want the whole thing.  I want to be the last woman standing.  I want to be an IFPA Professional Figure Competitor.

Big goal.  Especially in such a subjective sport.  It’s really anybody’s ball game. 

I watched some videos of women who are doing what I want to do and I was so inspired.  They work hard and they get results.  I suppose that’s true of anyone who has a big goal.  You have to work hard and sacrifices have to be made.  You try to balance everything: work, family, gym time … but it’s hard to balance everything and be successful at that one thing.  Something is going to suffer.

I’m okay with that.

This will be the first time that I’ll be prepping for a show during the holidays.  In other words, dieting on Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s.  I’m known for loving Thanksgiving.  I usually begin cooking two days prior and really just focus on making and eating everything.  Let’s not forget the wine.  There’s always wine.  Not this year.  It ought to be interesting.  My daughter has already informed me that she still expects me to cook – which I don’t have a problem with – I just have to create a strategy where I don’t sample everything I make.

It’s a small sacrifice to make for the bigger goal.  I think that’s where some people get hemmed up.  They can’t see beyond the sacrifice to the greater goal.  The key is to keep your eyes on the prize, on the end game, on the results that you want to achieve – and everything else can be seen as the steps to get you there.
Never trade what you want the MOST for what you want at the MOMENT.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Overheard at the Kingdom: Walking Dead Edition

My son and I are HUGE Walking Dead fans.  We never miss an episode and spend a ridiculous amount of time posing questions to each other about the impending zombie apocalypse.  Here’s a recent conversation that may or may not have occurred in the Kingdom:

 Prince comes in the house after work, Queen is sitting at her desk.

Prince:  Hi Mom

Queen:  What if you came in and I was being eaten by a zombie?

Prince:  I would kill the zombie and throw you in the garage and bring you humans to feed off of.

Queen:   Startled into silence by that response

Prince:  Yeah, I’d meet girls and lure them over here and say, “Come here, girl I wanna show you something” and then I’d push them in the garage.

Queen:  Really?  You’d keep me alive in the garage by feeding me humans.

Prince:  Yup.

Queen:  Wow.

Prince: No, I’m just kidding.  I’d have to put you down.