I enjoy taking trips to the bookstore. I could browse for hours at the different titles and if I had unlimited amounts of disposable income that is where I'd spend it. That sounds weird now since I spent the better part of the morning unsuccessfully searching for the perfect peep-toe pump. Suffice it to say, I never the leave the bookstore disappointed or empty handed.
Today's trip did not involve searching for the latest bestseller. Although I have finally reached the last chapter of New England White ... I'm sorry to say I was a little disappointed with this one ... I was not looking to find it's replacement. This trip involved research. Writer's research. I need help getting this thing going. What thing? The freelance career that I want to have established by the time my youngest graduates from high school in four years.
My plan for the day was to go to the beach. While soaking up the sun I planned to get some reading and some writing done. I hadn't planned on the rain and it threw everything out of whack and put me in a foul mood. I yelled at my daughter over something small and I hibernated in my room for several hours. Then it dawned on me ... I am a slacker. I have been telling my son for years that I don't want him to end up like me ... figuring out what he wants to do when he's forty. I want him to take advantage of the possibilities now while he's young. I want him to do something. And there I was lying in bed watching TBS for hours on end because I'm a slacker. I now understand why people post up in the sandwich shops and coffee houses with their laptops. They are not pretentious posers ... they are trying to get the hell away from the television. That's why I went to the bookstore.
I don't think I have ever really set very high expectations for myself. I expect things to come relatively easy, you know, because I think I'm special. It's easy for me to switch gears if things don't go my way. That's a tough thing to admit. Geez, spoiled and a slacker. I really believe that it's not too late to turn things around. I have to realize that no one is going to wave a wand over me and turn me into a focused, hardworking person who never quits. I have to get up every friggin' day and decide to do this thing. Because I want it so badly.
While at the bookstore I picked up a Writer's Digest. Since I voluntarily let my subscription to Essence slip I figure I could replace it with something that will actually help me. I also bought a book called Get a Freelance Life. Here's the thing: I know how to write but I don't know how to pitch myself as a writer. One thing I do know is that the answer is not in another episode of King of Queens.