Thursday, January 28, 2010

Relief

I used to take a yoga class. I bought a few yoga DVDs. I tried St. John’s Wort. Deep breathing. I saw a therapist. I drank herbal tea. I was even prescribed xanax once.

All of this in an effort to relieve stress and feel content. I used to be “bunched up” all the time. I was unsettled, angry and sad all at the same time and I was looking for a quick fix. I needed relief and I needed it immediately. Instantaneously. Quick, fast and in a hurry! Get the picture? What I failed to realize was that my discontent did not occur overnight. It built up over many years. Years of being disappointed. Years of being unsure of myself. Years of being afraid … I lived my life on automatic pilot: doing everything I was supposed to do … taking care of the children, going to work, going to church, etc. but my heart wasn’t in any of it.

I just want to say to anyone that is interested, that there are no quick fixes. Feeling better takes time. The first time I actually said out loud, “I just want to feel better” was January 2009. I was having a conversation with Bryan’s sister and that was when I started working out. That, coupled with much prayer and meditation, studying and admitting to myself what the real issue was: my FEAR, gave me the relief that I so desperately craved. I have to keep saying this: admitting and releasing the fear was a huge step and really the main thing that allowed me the freedom to be who I am. I have never been happier. No … not happy ... I’m joyful. Joyful because even though life isn’t perfect, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what comes my way, I’m going to be fine. Why? Because I’m not afraid, suckas!

Remember: No quick fixes. Consistency is the key.

7 comments:

This One Woman said...

These words really resonated with me. It is my life. I don't feel as afraid as I once did but I still have progress to make.

jennifer said...

thank you for the testimony, I appreciate it alot. It can be hard to understand when some folk 'quit' a habit like fear cold turkey, and I lapse back. But I am me, not them.

LB said...

Got it! I have to keep reminding myself that I'm going to be fine.

Believer said...

Blessings on letting go of fear!

Remnants of U said...

Consistency oh consistency that is what I have trouble doing, being consistent.

TJ said...

Feeling better definitely takes time. Go on with your fearless self!

Luv said...

thank you...i think i should just start paying you instead of my therapist ; ). You definitely hit the nail on the head of what I was swishing around my brain the last two days.. i didn't get to be this messed up overnight so why do i think that in 5 months all my problems would disappear.

my fear of not being able to be fixed runs deep...but i am willing to work on it...

i am going to try your method and say that i just want to feel better eat day and that i am not afraid and see what happens..

thanks for letting me know that it is possible to fully shake the demons