When I'm feeling some kinda way, I often buy shoes. I should really do something about that. If you were to look in my closet you might think that I have some severe emotional problems. I don't know. I never thought I was a shoe whore but pretty shoes really do put a smile on my face. Temporarily anyway.
Yesterday I bought the heels that you see above. I bought them because my constant hot flashes were reminding me on a regular basis that I'm not the woman I once was. The woman who strutted in 3-inch heels. So I bought the shoes. I wore them to church tonight and they pinch my feet.
Anyway, today I received this book in the mail:
I ordered it so I was expecting it but damn ... yesterday I buy sexy shoes to recapture my youth and today I receive a book about menopause. Kinda funny if you think about it. I don't really want to think about it.
I bought the book because that's what I do. When I want to learn more about something, I buy a book. Because honestly, I have no idea what menopause is or what I should expect. I know my period stops and I'll have hot flashes and maybe I'll grow a moustache.
I know nothing about menopause and apparently people are extremely reluctant to talk about it. Which doesn't help me at all. Even the fact that I bought the book on-line instead of going into a book store to make the purchase speaks volumes. I mean, there are tons of books about pregnancy. Tons of television shows celebrating pregnancy and childbirth. The fact is, not every woman will get pregnant. But you can believe that every woman will experience menopause.
On July 16th 1990 when my water broke and I started having contractions I knew what to expect. I was well prepared. I knew about focal points and breathing and dilation and after birth and episiotomies and sitz baths. There were no surprises.
But I do not know what to expect with this new change that I'm going through. It's supposed to be a good thing. Hmph. Really? I'm middle aged and this change marks my entrance into old age. I don't even know what that means. I never thought about getting old. But I think about it every single time I experience my "private summertimes". I don't even know what to think about it. I still feel the exact same way I felt 20 years ago. No lie. Hell, I feel better. I don't feel like an old person. I don't even feel like a middle-aged person. I feel good. I feel strong. I feel smart. So, if I don't feel old, how could I be getting old? I do not want the changes in my body to affect how I feel in my mind. At the same time, I don't want to be the older woman out there trying to be young. You know what I mean. We've all seen that woman. The one who should NOT be wearing that dress. The woman who dates ridiculously younger men. Sorry to you cougars that are reading, but that is not cute. My ex-husband is eight years younger than me and if I were to meet him for the first time today, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Just sayin'.
I'm hoping this book gives me some insight regarding what I'm going through. Because I know it has to be about more than hot flashes and moustaches.