Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Change

When I'm feeling some kinda way, I often buy shoes. I should really do something about that. If you were to look in my closet you might think that I have some severe emotional problems. I don't know. I never thought I was a shoe whore but pretty shoes really do put a smile on my face. Temporarily anyway.

Yesterday I bought the heels that you see above. I bought them because my constant hot flashes were reminding me on a regular basis that I'm not the woman I once was. The woman who strutted in 3-inch heels. So I bought the shoes. I wore them to church tonight and they pinch my feet.

Anyway, today I received this book in the mail:

I ordered it so I was expecting it but damn ... yesterday I buy sexy shoes to recapture my youth and today I receive a book about menopause. Kinda funny if you think about it. I don't really want to think about it.

I bought the book because that's what I do. When I want to learn more about something, I buy a book. Because honestly, I have no idea what menopause is or what I should expect. I know my period stops and I'll have hot flashes and maybe I'll grow a moustache.

I know nothing about menopause and apparently people are extremely reluctant to talk about it. Which doesn't help me at all. Even the fact that I bought the book on-line instead of going into a book store to make the purchase speaks volumes. I mean, there are tons of books about pregnancy. Tons of television shows celebrating pregnancy and childbirth. The fact is, not every woman will get pregnant. But you can believe that every woman will experience menopause.

On July 16th 1990 when my water broke and I started having contractions I knew what to expect. I was well prepared. I knew about focal points and breathing and dilation and after birth and episiotomies and sitz baths. There were no surprises.

But I do not know what to expect with this new change that I'm going through. It's supposed to be a good thing. Hmph. Really? I'm middle aged and this change marks my entrance into old age. I don't even know what that means. I never thought about getting old. But I think about it every single time I experience my "private summertimes". I don't even know what to think about it. I still feel the exact same way I felt 20 years ago. No lie. Hell, I feel better. I don't feel like an old person. I don't even feel like a middle-aged person. I feel good. I feel strong. I feel smart. So, if I don't feel old, how could I be getting old? I do not want the changes in my body to affect how I feel in my mind. At the same time, I don't want to be the older woman out there trying to be young. You know what I mean. We've all seen that woman. The one who should NOT be wearing that dress. The woman who dates ridiculously younger men. Sorry to you cougars that are reading, but that is not cute. My ex-husband is eight years younger than me and if I were to meet him for the first time today, I wouldn't give him the time of day. Just sayin'.

I'm hoping this book gives me some insight regarding what I'm going through. Because I know it has to be about more than hot flashes and moustaches.


Ca88andra said...

I can so relate to this post! I suppose I'm heading into menopause land soon and I have no idea what I'll find there. I also feel the same as I did 20 years ago. Perhaps even 30 years ago... Maybe I should buy a book too? And I love the shoes!!!

PoetessWug said...

I can relate to this post in more than one way...I'm 50 plus and I have the issue with the shoe thing too! I've blogged about both!! I also went to school for nursing. Worked at it for years. I learned a lot about the way the body works. It was good to know when pre-menopause started in my late 30s!!! So I've been dealing with this menopause thing for a while. All I'll say is relax and take it as it comes. Everybody experiences it differently. Some people hardly get any symptoms! My irritations have been night sweats. I hardly ever have hot flashes anymore...but that could be because I remain clothes-less and in front of 2 fans! LOL I'm available for questions any time!! ^_^ Oh! The shoe thing! Read this-->

TJ said...

Lovely shoes. I definitely can identify with using them to avoid dealing with issues. Especially heels. LOLOL. I know some women who are going through "the big change" and some who have gone through it. They were pretty up front about the process from herbal remedies to night sweats to personal summers. I just watched them and tried to take mental notes for when it's my time to go through that rite of passage.

Shai said...

Are you sure it is menopause and not peri-menopause? From what I have read some women get menopausal symptoms up to 10 years before they actually go through menopause.

chele said...

@ Shai: I'm not sure about anything. You could be right. That's why I'm reading this book. I believe my symptoms started about 3 years ago with the irregular periods.

Remnants of U said...

Good idea, I usually get books about other life events. I should get 1 about menopause, does that one include info about peri-menopause, too?

Rose said...

I started menopause at 28. I loved not having the monthly visits. For the hot flashes, I didn't wear make-up and kept a very cold bottle of water with me. I found that for me drinking the water cooled my insides and shut the flash down quickly. If you want more info, let me know. A group of women helped me to deal with things. I had folks who explained stuff to me and they were not afraid or embarrassed to do.

I slept with a fan near me for the night flashes but they went away. But I still have the fan- the only way I can sleep now...

I am constantly amazed by God and the way He made our bodies and the things we go through.