My daughter is breaking up with me.
I actually thought her going away to school would be a transition – you know something that is gradual and would take time. Well, it’s not. She is breaking up with me. Clean and quick, like pulling off a band-aid. I’m okay with breakups but in the history of my life and relationships I have NEVER been broken up with. Humph.
This is going to be interesting.
She spent last week up north with her father and I really did enjoy the time to myself. I got a little confused at the grocery store because I had no idea what I had to buy or how much. I do like that fact that I spent less than $100 for a week’s worth of groceries. I cannot remember the last time I did that. I may have cooked one time last week and that was fine. The other nights I had a sandwich, a bowl of cereal or something quick. And my bathroom stayed so clean all week. (I knew it was her shedding hair all over the floor!) I enjoyed the quiet that comes with living alone.
I really thought this was going to be harder but I feel pretty good about this. It goes without saying that I love both my kids but I have done nothing but be a mother for the past 22 years. That’s it. And while that’s very noble and yada yada yada, it is my time to do whatever the hell I want without having to think about someone else’s schedule. I fully expect to be a tear-stained mess on the drive home after we move her into the dorm but I’m confident that I’ll bounce back.
School is going well this quarter. I’m taking Business Ethics and English Composition. Lots of reading and lots of writing. I’m also consistently running four times a week, even in this ridiculous heat. And things with the new guy are progressing. Progressing at a very slow pace but progressing nonetheless. This is the first guy that I’ve been involved with that didn’t pursue me aggressively. I was actually questioning whether or not he was even interested. He’s interested but he has other priorities (i.e., work, kids, etc.) and getting to know me is moving up the list but it’s not first. I like that he has other stuff going on because I do too and this time around I refuse to put my life on the back burner for someone. Oh but I like him so much – and I’ll leave it at that. For now.
I’m thinking about doing some decorating. I want to change the feel of my home from “mother of two” to “single woman”. I don’t know exactly what that looks like but I think it involves knick-knacks and things that are breakable but won’t be broken because there are no rugrats running around. Does that make any sense? I think I'll pick up some magazines this weekend in order to get some ideas. You know, this may be the coolest breakup ever.