Feeling Betrayed

It was a year ago this week that I first contacted USA Elite Trainers.  My initial goal was just to look better and feel better about how I looked.  I’ve never really had any real health issues:  cholesterol fine, blood pressure fine, I don’t get colds or the flu – overall I’m a very healthy woman.  I don’t concern myself (that much) with aging because I don’t look my age and most of the time I don’t feel it.  I reached out to the trainers because I wanted to change what I saw when I looked in the mirror.  Some people do it through cosmetic surgery; I decided to do it with diet and exercise.  To each his own.

After I got into the training and began to see results I became interested in competing.  Mainly because everyone around me continually told me that it was something that I could do so I decided to give it a shot.  I didn’t know if I would treat it as a bucket list item or if it would be something that I would continue to do.  I didn’t have the answer to that question until I stepped off the stage after the first show.  I knew then that I had to continue.

So I did a second show.  After that show I was so happy to be done competing.  I wanted a break from the strict diet mostly.  Not the training because I love being in the gym.  Challenging myself to left heavier each week gives me a thrill that I can’t explain.  After about a month it dawned on me that I really wanted to compete again.  Not just compete but become a professional.  I was hesitant about setting a goal like that before because, let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger (49 in 4 days) and no one turns pro overnight.  I never wanted to be the chick in her fifties prancing across a stage. 

But then I come back to the fact that I don’t look like I’m in my fifties and as long as I don’t embarrass myself I think I can keep going until I earn pro status and compete as a professional – and hopefully win.

As long as I stay focused on that goal I’m good.  But then the frequent hot flashes, night sweats and mysterious aches and pains that come with being a woman my age quickly remind me that I may not have many competing years left.  I feel like my body is betraying me.  My mind says to push through but my body says something else to sabotage me.  It’s a constant struggle.  My mind is winning though.  I keep getting up every morning to train to make my body stronger.  I’m mindful about what I feed myself without being a fanatic.  It’s a healthy balance.  

The past year has taught me a lot about myself and who I want to be.  I never thought making one phone call could change my life so completely.  It's amazing.