Tuesday, April 22, 2014

New Day

It’s a new day and I’m happy … like a room without a roof.

Seriously though.   I wish I had a camera to see what exactly goes on inside my head and my body when I go through these weird mood swings.  I had such an amazing day on Easter Sunday.  I went to church and was completely overwhelmed by the service.  It was beautiful.  Then I spent the afternoon with my Mom and we had dinner together.  Then after she left I curled up on the couch and watched a movie.  It was a pretty good day.  Then when it was time to go to bed, all that happiness seemed to just disappear.  I woke up Monday feeling empty and sad.

What is that?

I skipped the gym and went to work fighting off the “I hate my job Monday blues”.  The whole day was just bad.  At the end of the day I decided to go for a 3-mile run and I felt pretty good after that.  I skipped a meeting that I had scheduled for that evening and worked on a lesson that I had to prepare on the 23rd Psalm.  Yes, the Lord is my shepherd. 
I went to bed still feeling kind of wonky.  Woke up this morning and for the second day in a row, skipped the gym and got ready for work. 

The sun is shining and I’m having a good hair day.  I don’t have that heavy, weighted down feeling that I had yesterday.  Weird.  I should’ve become a doctor.
I’m anxious.  I’m almost eight months away from FREEDOM and I’m anxious.  Doubt keeps sneaking into my psyche and it’s a constant exercise in reassuring myself that I’m making the right move.

I have so many decisions to make and so many actions to accomplish by the end of the year.  It’s overwhelming because I don’t feel like I’m being productive when it comes to reaching my goals.  Time to re-evaluate.


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