Day 12

 So, it seems that my restless, sleepless nights are not because of the alcohol.  Well, not only the alcohol -- it's also because of menopause and night sweats.

Ugh.

When I stopped drinking I really expected to sleep through the night without tossing and turning.  When I was drinking I would have a glass of wine when I got home from work at 4:30PM and maybe have another one or two before I went to bed between 8:30 and 9:00.  I would not have a problem falling asleep but I would inevitably wake up with a dry mouth and a headache around midnight or so.

Now, that I'm not drinking I'll have a nice cup of tea when I get home, go to bed around 8:00PM, fall asleep close to 9:00, after reading for a while or watching an episode of Schitt's Creek.  Then I'll wake up around 2:00AM to use the bathroom and maybe get back to sleep.

I get out of bed every morning between 4:00-4:20AM.  I just want one night where I go to sleep and stay asleep until my alarm goes off.

I'm trying to keep the room nice and cool so the sweats won't tear me apart but it doesn't seem to matter.  I've thought about taking a sleep aid but I don't want to trade in one addiction for another.

Other than that, things are going well.  I had an interesting thought this morning while I was on my run.  Interesting to me, anyway.  In 2010 I ended an emotionally abusive relationship and I stayed single for close to seven years.  I was celibate for close to seven years.  The first couple of years were challenging because I'm a healthy woman with a healthy sex drive and I enjoyed sex.  My ex boyfriend was an asshole but the sex was pretty good.  Anyway, once I got used to not having sex I was fine with not having sex.  However, after seven years I felt like I was ready to get back to dating and having sex.

But something changed.  Sex wasn't what I remembered.  It wasn't exciting.  I mean, I was able to have orgasms and all that but I felt like there was something missing.  Sex was disappointing.  The effort that I have to put in to prepare for sex was not worth what I was receiving.  I don't know but I do know that I was not getting a proper return on my investment.  So, I'm back to celibacy.

What does this have to do with being sober?  Glad you asked.  I don't want to stay sober for seven years only to drink again because I think I can handle it only to find out, it just isn't what I thought it was.  I'm on Day 12 now and I don't ever want to be on Day 12 again.  I don't want to drink anymore.  I don't find it enjoyable.  It's money wasted.  It's time wasted.  I want to always remember that.

Okay, so I stopped eating meat 11 months ago.  I stopped having sex 7 months ago.  I stopped drinking alcohol 12 days ago.

What's next?