Awareness

I hope I don't get this wrong ...

I've been doing a lot of reading lately about being aware, being present, letting go of the ego, getting out of my own way ... being truly happy ... not the kind of happy that is based on emotion but the kind of happy that accompanies peace.

So I'm trying to be more aware of what I'm thinking and how it affects what I'm feeling.

I'm all over the place.

One of the things that I cannot stand is when someone wants me to do something but instead of just asking me to do something they drop hints and expect me to offer to do something. Usually in those situations I will make the person ask. Or I will deliberately not offer just to teach them a lesson. You have not 'cause you ask not! Sidebar: I will never again quote the Bible in an attempt to justify my own wrong doing.

Well, this evening I'm chilling in the house alone. The Prince is at work and the Princess is taking part in one of her many social activities. It's raining outside and I just washed my hair and put big pink rollers in it. The phone rings and it's my guy. He's on his way to a gig and he needs an extra microphone to mic an amp. He says he wanted to stop by on the way to pick up my microphone but now there's no time because he can't be late for the gig. The manager at the club is always complaining that the band is playing too loud so he wants to remedy that by bringing a smaller amp and using a microphone.

He continues this dialogue for about five minutes and I'm listening. Just listening. Then I realize ... he wants me to bring him the mic. So, I'm still listening. Just listening. He never asks me to bring it to him. Instead he keeps repeating the phrase, "I don't know what the f*** I'm gonna do." I'm still listening. Just listening. Finally, he tells me that he'll talk to me later.

After about ten minutes something incredible happened. I put a scarf on my head, I put on my shoes and my jacket, grabbed the mic from the closet and called him. The phone rolled to voice mail, probably because he was unloading his equipment. But I knew he would call back.

While I was waiting for the call back, I stumbled on the fact that I was really being selfish. Yeah, it's raining, yeah, my hair is wet and it's Friday night and I don't want to get off the couch. But he needed me. He would slay a dragon for me and I was hesitating about bringing him a mic. I became aware and it actually felt really good.

He called back and I told him that I would bring him the mic but he would have to meet me outside because my hair was wet and I couldn't get out of the car. He told me that I didn't need to come out in the weather, that they figured out another alternative. He thanked me several times for being so thoughtful and told me he loved me.

So here's the discovery: the important thing was not the action of taking him the mic but the honest, sincere desire to take him the mic. You know? It was like (and don't mock me) the universe gave me exactly what I wanted because I responded in a positive manner instead of a selfish one.

I'm not sure if this exactly what the book is talking about but I think there's a connection somewhere.