Do you remember the scene in Wai.ting to Exha.le between Bernie and Savannah when Bernie is talking about her marriage breaking up? In that scene she says through tears, “I thought if I gave him what he needed he would give me what I needed.”
At the time I nodded my head in agreement. Why shouldn’t she expect to get something in return for all that she had sacrificed for that man? And to a certain extent I can still relate to that sentiment. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be taken for granted and we shouldn’t be anyone’s doormat.
But
At the same time I believe that love would be so much more fulfilling if we were able to love just for the sake of loving. Giving and expressing love because it just feels good to do that without any expectations. Loving for love’s sake. Let’s be real for a minute, when you give for the sole purpose of receiving than you may as well have not given anything to begin with.
There are times when I felt as though being in my relationship was like navigating through a mine field. It’s exhausting and as many times as I’ve tried to cut and run we just keep finding our way back to each other. It’s an interesting dynamic to say the least. The truth is, when things aren’t right with us, nothing is right. I have spent a lot of time deliberately withholding love because I didn’t feel as though I was getting enough in return. So has he. So you have two ridiculously stubborn people waiting for the other to blink and what we end up with is two people who never blink. We just sit in our separate corners not blinking. It’s crazy. We are on the mend and I am not going to put myself or him through this nonsense again.
Life is way too long not to blink.
It all goes back to the fear thing but I’ve realized that I survived two failed marriages. I survived them! I did not roll up into a ball and die. I’m still here. So why not just relax, give love without expectation and really allow myself to be loved?
At the time I nodded my head in agreement. Why shouldn’t she expect to get something in return for all that she had sacrificed for that man? And to a certain extent I can still relate to that sentiment. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be taken for granted and we shouldn’t be anyone’s doormat.
But
At the same time I believe that love would be so much more fulfilling if we were able to love just for the sake of loving. Giving and expressing love because it just feels good to do that without any expectations. Loving for love’s sake. Let’s be real for a minute, when you give for the sole purpose of receiving than you may as well have not given anything to begin with.
There are times when I felt as though being in my relationship was like navigating through a mine field. It’s exhausting and as many times as I’ve tried to cut and run we just keep finding our way back to each other. It’s an interesting dynamic to say the least. The truth is, when things aren’t right with us, nothing is right. I have spent a lot of time deliberately withholding love because I didn’t feel as though I was getting enough in return. So has he. So you have two ridiculously stubborn people waiting for the other to blink and what we end up with is two people who never blink. We just sit in our separate corners not blinking. It’s crazy. We are on the mend and I am not going to put myself or him through this nonsense again.
Life is way too long not to blink.
It all goes back to the fear thing but I’ve realized that I survived two failed marriages. I survived them! I did not roll up into a ball and die. I’m still here. So why not just relax, give love without expectation and really allow myself to be loved?
5 comments:
I think it's possible, what you say here, this loving unconditionally. But it takes one thing: practice, practice, practice.
Putting these things into practice, setting our will to do so independent of the circumstances is a big hurdle to jump...
This is all very brave of you. You deserve one of those fearless woman awards.
Lee: It's a HUGE hurdle to jump but I'm finding that I'd rather jump that hurdle instead of staying put.
Diva: Don't give me any award yet. I'm still in the early (blinking) stages!
Jump that hurdle, Chele!
Well said! Stop holding back and let love totally happen...
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