Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Anger and Fear

We all have fears and I wonder why for so many years it was easier for me to acknowledge that I was angry but I could not acknowledge that I had fears. Truth be told, my anger stemmed from my fears. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being humiliated. Fear of being wrong. Somewhere in my mind I believed that being angry somehow made me strong but fear somehow made me weak. I carried around my anger like a security blanket but I refused to acknowledge that I was afraid of anything.

Admitting that I am fearful at times does not make me a weak person.

I’m taking a minute here to pat myself on the back for writing that and actually believing it.

For me, making the decision to live and love fearlessly is not about denying that fear exists. On the contrary, it is about acknowledging the fear and trusting that what ever happens I will have the tools and abilities to deal with it. Believing that I can handle it makes it seem smaller. A mountain stays a mountain until you start to climb it but once you reach the top, what’s the first thing you say? “That wasn’t so bad.” I liken it to giving birth. For eight months I relished in the joy of being pregnant. I loved making all the preparations and I marveled at the life that was growing inside me. However, during that ninth month I began to stress. I realized that I spent so much time wearing my rose-colored glasses that I didn’t think for one minute how this baby was going to enter the world. It had to come out of me and it was going to hurt. A lot. I got scared. But after I got scared I reminded myself that women have been pushing out babies since the beginning of time and if they could do it, so could I. And I did ... twice ... without drugs.

I lessened the magnitude of the fear by acknowledging that I could handle it.

Did you get that?

The fear was reduced because I realized it wasn’t some big scary thing that would kill me. The thing that was scaring me (childbirth) still existed but I was armed with the strength, faith and confidence that I needed to know that I could handle it.

I’m using that same logic to tackle the other fears in my life.

Look, life isn’t easy. If someone told you that it would be they were straight up lying to you. People say life is short but I’m here to tell you that life is way too long to walk around in fear. Fear is a crippler and I’m tired of being crippled.

One of my fears is making bold declarations because then I will be held accountable for them. But guess what? I am declaring that 2010 will be the year of living and loving fearlessly.

Care to join me?

7 comments:

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

wow this was an inspirational post! thanks sis, and yes i care to join you on living and loving fearlessly!

LB said...

Count me in!

LadyLee said...

Dang chick... you got me bout ready to go tare up sumthin.

I learned from a really interesting series of sermons on anger at church something really interesting, which has made a BIG difference in my life: When ever I am angry, ask myself the question:

What am I afraid of?

Anger is an expression of fear. They are just that much related.

For me, if I do the grunt work of dealing with the actual FEAR from which the anger grew, well, I can squash the anger with a vengence. Really.

Another thing: Fear and faith are reciprocals of each other. So I better work it out, and work my faith muscles. Period.

That in inself is scary... But I am getting better the older I get. Thanks for making me think on this. We needed this soapbox post to get us ready for 2010.

TJ said...

Okay! Wow.

ShellyShell said...

I love this post! I will join you on living and loving fearlessly!!

Believer said...

Facing fears is not a good place to be, but nonetheless a purposeful one as we become more authentic and peal away the layers.

Be open and honest with yourself first and foremost, and then watch the courage that grows from there.

ali said...

That was a good one! I am going to declare that in 2010 I will love and live fearlessly. It's going to be a real battle for me though..I already know that.