Wednesday, January 6, 2010

A People Person

I know it’s winter and everything … but it is COLD!!! How can it be Connecticut-cold in VA? It was like twenty-something degrees when I woke up this morning. We’re not getting out of the 30’s all week.

Enough of that.

I don’t consider myself to be a people person and that is a shame because I really do like people. I have had people tell me that when they first meet me, they think I’m a real bitch but once they got to know me they changed their opinion.

I used to like that. Now, not so much. I don’t want to give off that impression anymore. My reasoning back then was that I was using a screening process to weed out the riff-raff. People who were “worthy” would see through the bitch façade and dig deeper until they saw the real me.

For real, people shouldn’t have to work that hard. Who do I think I am?

Here’s the truth: In the past, friends who claimed to love me have stabbed me in the back (boy do I have stories!) so I decided that in order to avoid that pain I would close myself off and not be open to making friends. I believe that you can’t hurt me if I don’t let you get close to me.

Fear.

Come on, say it with me: YOU WILL NEVER FIND PEACE BY AVOIDING LIFE!!

I am the self-proclaimed Queen of Isolation. I avoid social situations and say it’s because I prefer my own company to anyone else’s. Well … that’s actually true … but I am missing out on some great friendships because of this behavior. Bryan is a people person and loves to be surrounded by a bunch of folks. “The more the merrier” is his motto. As you know, Tuesday is our date night and on more than one occasion he has invited other couples to spend it with us. At first I would get offended because it was our time and he was giving it away. But the truth is, I was just never open to meeting new people and possibly making new friends.

Fear is a mutha. Last night we had dinner with friends. It was fun. Not at first but I warmed up after a while. I’m easing my way into this. I am slowly accepting more invitations and not politely declining. Isolation is a dangerous thing. I have spent too many hours alone pondering and convincing myself that black is white. Sometimes we need that alone time to refresh and renew but we don’t need to become hermits.

10 comments:

TJ said...

You know you said a lot here. Everybody needs somebody sometime :)

Believer said...

Find a good balance! It's great to share life with friends, but there is a benefit to spending quiet time alone to regroup.

The other side is that folk who "always" need to be with somebody and avoid being alone to be with their thoughts.

I'm just sayin'!

Anyway, it sounds like you're taking this personal goal serious and putting one foot in front of the other towards it. You go girl!

Shai said...

I can relate to you on the people thing I am mean to the Oh she is friendly and can talk. I am an only child and like being more a loner and homebody. Yet, I do need to venture out and connect with folks. I can say I enjoy my own company and like small doses of socializing on a regular basis.

LadyLee said...

I liked that you pinpointed the root issha behind why you aren't a people person. That's where you need to tackle. At the root system.

I too am not a people person. This is because I look at people all day. However, I do find when I am on vacation, I HAVE to be around people and have good times. I purposely plan this. I don't like too much alone time. Balance is key. I am still working on the proper balance.

I have several recent friends, who said they didn't like me when they first met me. Interestingly, i could tell this, lol. (I am quick to go all "quiet scientist" on you). But I am a very quiet person until I get to know you. Those same people have told me that they are glad that I am in their corner. So, I am happy for that.

In the past couple of years, I have tackled the area of going back to places in the past I swore I would never go back to, like New Orleans, or my alma mater. That was a big fear of mine in the past. I tell you, to tackle whatever that fear is, and overcome it... it is very freeing indeed.

Here's to you winning the next Miss Congeniality contest, Oldgirl! LOL

Diva (in Demand) said...

I'm not sure I like this new "Let's Live Fear Free" attitude! You're asking questions and bringing up topics I'm not ready to address. I LIKE being anti-social. Opening up to new people is overrated. You get hurt. They get hurt. I'm just not real sure I'm accepting of this new revelation. hmmm

LB said...

The disappointing thing about this is that I could've written this post, word for word. Like Diva, I wasn't ready to confront this head on. I'm anti-social, a hermit, and a homebody. Not a good combo and I need to do better.

Remnants of U said...

I am becoming a hermit. Both Thanksgiving & Christmas I decided to stay home instead of stopping by a friends house to socialize after being invited. So I need to work on that.

You are forcing me to stop ignoring some of my own issues.

ali said...

Geez, sounds like me..antisocial,a hermit, and a homebody. I know I am not a people person but, to be honest, blogging is really helping me with that.

Luv said...

you struck a nerve with this one.. i was like omg has she been talking to my therapist.

i am not where you are yet... i don't see that it's wrong for me to make people work....but he wants me to get there..

how did u get there?

Icey said...

Oh so you decided NOT to be the crazy lady with all the cats? LOL...good deal!