Transitions

It can be hard to get going again after being on vacation. Whether it be a vacation from work or a vacation from blogging. I fully intended to go to the gym after work today but they worked me like a runaway slave and I was exhausted. All I could think about was coming home and going into my new bedroom to inhale and exhale. So that’s what I did. It’s interesting to me that my job is not physically demanding but at the end of the day I actually felt like I had been digging ditches.

On a more positive note, I had my yearly evaluation today. In September, I had to write a self-evaluation and then my reviewer goes around interviewing my colleagues so he can put together the complete evaluation. It was a glowing eval. One thing I know for sure: I’m great at what I do. During the de-brief my manager is expressing his appreciation and telling me how he couldn’t imagine how things would be without me. All very nice things to hear. I felt sorry for him when he had to tell me the percentage of my increase. He seemed to shift in his chair and he tried to make me believe that the amount was a really big deal, when we both knew better. I couldn’t watch him squirm anymore so I just said “thank you” and told him that I was more than happy with it. Which I was. After all, I know where my help comes from and it’s not from that job. God has always provided for me and given me everything that I could ever need or want. I’m good.

I watched Jane Fonda on Oprah today. What an amazing woman. You know, one of things that I used to be afraid of was being called a cliché. So, I wouldn’t always be so vocal about reinventing myself or finding myself or discovering myself … because let’s face it you can’t throw a stick without hitting a woman who feels the need for self-discovery. I wonder why that is. But anyway, I was so impressed with Jane Fonda’s interview and it was all about beginning your life at 60. The third act. At 46, I’m still in my second act which is described as the creative act or the act where we do all of our producing. It’s also considered the most difficult act. I would have to agree.

I’m transitioning. There are many transitions going on at once and sometimes I feel like it’s all I can do to keep up. I’m transitioning from full-time mother to (soon-to-be) empty-nester. I’m transitioning from being in a long-term relationship to being single. I’ve cut and colored my hair. I’m making several changes around the house. I’ve joined a book club and a new church. I bought a new car. I’ve lost weight and had to take five pair of pants to the tailor to have them taken in! And I got a new tattoo Whew!

One of the most important changes is occurring on the inside though. I realize how blessed I am. I never, ever doubt that. What I also know is that God hasn’t blessed me just so I can sit in my new bedroom and bask in all the blessings. I am now supposed to be a blessing. That’s what has always been missing in my life. My focus has always been inwardly directed. I think that’s a nice way of saying that I’ve always been self-centered. I have never and will never be one of those women who complains that she doesn’t have enough time for herself because I will always take care of me. I do not apologize for that. However, I do recognize that I have something to offer someone. I don’t know who but I pray everyday that God will show me who, what, where, when and how.

God has kept his promise and He has opened up the windows of Heaven and poured me out a blessing so big that I don’t have room for it all. It’s now my duty to bless someone with the excess. For all of you “surface” types, I don’t mean financial blessings. I mean I’m living the life of peace that I have always yearned for. I am truly content and I’d like to share that happiness, joy, contentment with someone who needs it.

I declared 2010 the year of no FEAR and I meant it. In January, I wasn’t quite sure how that declaration would manifest itself but I suppose I didn’t have to know because I do know that all things work together for good.