Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The List

I was reading a blog post yesterday written by a twenty-something woman. And in that post she listed the things she desired in a mate. The list contained about twenty-two items and included things like: athletic, likes to snuggle, healthy social life and likes to travel.

I don’t think I’ve ever made a list like that. At least not one with twenty-two items. There was one comment on the blog and that said, “Good luck.” That made me chuckle because it is exactly what I was thinking after I read the list.

I went to dinner with my sister on Friday night and I revealed to her that I would probably get married again. She raised her eyebrows and was like, “Really?” I know it was a shock. It was a shock to me when I realized that I actually wanted to do it yet again. Not anytime soon but I’m estimating in about 3-4 years I’ll be married again. Maybe later but definitely not sooner.

Why not sooner? Simple, I’m not ready. I’m still learning things about myself and I’m also learning how to be happy by myself. Next month will be a year that I’ve been really, really single and I think that is the longest amount of time I have ever been single since I started dating 30 years ago. Seriously.

I don’t have a list like my young friend. There are really only three things that are important to me: he must be a Christian and have a real relationship with God, he must have his own money and he has to be taller than me. I'm sure there are other things that I would prefer but those are negotiable. These three are not.

What about you? If you're married did you have a list? If single, do you have one? What's on it?


TJ said...

I don't think I had a list, even in my 20s. I was looking for somebody who took his responsibilities seriously and had a strong work ethic (not a strong talk ethic - hee hee). I think I also wanted somebody who was family oriented and took marriage seriously and was intelligent because I didn't want unintelligent children. Hee hee. There may have been other things, but it was a while ago.

PoetessWug said...

I've been married 28 years and I've seen people with their "lists" come and go...and never stick to it in reality anyway!! LOL In my opinion, lists are for approximations, to clear your head. NOT for hard and fast rules. My list would have been: Loves Jehovah God; Looks like little Joe, from Bonanza; Sings like Elvis; Dances like Barishnivov; Loves me like it's going out of style!! ^_^ I got two of these things...one, by accident!

VandyJ said...

I've been with my husband since college. At that time I was just looking for someone who was more mature than the average 18-19 year old. When I found one, I kept him.

Dizzy C said...

I had a little idea what I was looking for when I married.
I hadnt found it! :( Dont get me wrong I thought it would be a marriage for life.

I have now found what I was looking for and would love to get married a 2nd time.

I hear ya about not being ready and enjoying being single. I loved my 3 years of being a single mum. I had time to rebuild 'me' after being part of a married couple for 15 years where I lost my identity.


Sarah said...

I did not have a list.

My only thing was whomever I ended up with needed to be taller than me, because at 5'9, it's kind of a pain.

~Truly Tina~ said...

I've never been married and I no longer carry such lists. As you mentioned, there are two or three non-negotiables that are kept in my heart, but I do not carry or mediate on a lengthy list of qualities Mr. Hubby must possess. I did that in my early post-college years and it actally caused me more trouble than help. Go figure. Now I just keep the non-negotiables in my heart and ask God for His best for me...even if His best is a man who would have never passed my prior 20+ item checklist. LOL

Diva (in Demand) said...

I had a list in my 20s. I couldn't remember what was on it now if you paid me....but I had one. I believe I even took pride in making it longer every time I thought about it. When I reached my 30s and actually knew something about life, that whole list thing changed. I had some strong desires and deal breakers. I wanted a man that I knew would protect me and was resourceful enough to always take care of his family. I wanted someone who would not take me for granted or abuse me. Oh and I wanted passion and intelligence! I actually think that now that I've done it once.....I'll have more desires and deal breakers in the future. I have a better idea of what makes me happy with another person now.

EmptyNester said...

I did not have a list but, if I made one, several of Hub's qualities would make the top ten.

Beverly @ The Buzz said...

I did not have a list, but apparently the Lord knew what I needed.

ShellyShell said...

I have a list about what I want in a man. Nothing on my list has to do with the outside except for I hope my man is taller than me! I'm 5'8 and I always wear shoes minimum 3.5inches.
These three things I will not negoitate,Christian,respectful and honest.

LadyLee said...

I don't have a list. And I've been married before. Don't know if I'd get married again. I have soooo much growing up to do... and I have to develop in patience and longsuffering and everything else!

I want someone who trusts God, and who has a fulfilling life as a single person. And I need to be a bettter person spiritually, mentally and emotionally, and vice versa, due to that person being in my life and I in his. If I can get that, then I'm good!

lyre said...

I think I probably shoulda had a list that said: honest, kind, and love me.
I feel you on getting married again. I've been divorced now almost 10 years. Struggled with the unmentionable man for 8 of those 10 years. so I am enjoying this time for me!

But now that my family is whole, the grands are safe, and the kids are grown and independent. Mama is feeling herself.
But I gotta go to law school first. LOL
The man who finds me finds a good thing! LOL