Friday, August 17, 2012

Pants on Fire

I had an interesting back-and-forth with a FB Friend (FBF) this morning:

FBF: When faced with a lie, what do you do?

Me: Can’t tolerate a liar. You are forever branded and the respect is gone. I won’t bargain or help you justify. I’m just done.

FBF: Chele: What if it’s your significant other? Do you just walk away?

Me: I’ve been known to. Not right away but the lie is definitely the beginning of the end.

I have a history with liars. Maybe we all do. But it has brought me to the point where I just cannot tolerate it. I can’t. Let me share a few examples. If you’ve been here for any length of time you are quite familiar with them and I apologize for the redundancy:

Example #1 – Husband #1 lied about still being married when he married me. I annulled that marriage quick and a in a hurry and I have had no contact with him ever since.

Example #2 – Husband #2 lied about making a car payment. Within a year the marriage was over. Granted the car payment was not the entire reason but the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I just don’t understand liars. Why lie? Seriously, why lie? I know people say that they would rather hear the truth even if it will hurt – but I actually mean that. Don’t disrespect me and yourself by looking me in my face and lying.

On the other side of the coin, I have two children – one of which has been prone to blatantly stretch the truth from time to time. It upsets me, but that’s my kid and that relationship is forever.

So, clearly I have the capacity to look at the bigger picture and forgive.

Which brings me to today. I do not currently have a significant other but I often wonder if I did and he lied to me would I be so quick to walk away. I’m not so sure. I’ve learned a lot about myself over the last few years of singledom … singlehood … singleness? Whatever, I’m single – and one of the things I’ve learned is that absolutely nobody is perfect and while I don’t believe it’s asking too much for someone to be honest with me, I have to remember that people make mistakes. There may be other factors that need to be considered. I’m not sure what they are, but there may be.

Admittedly, this is a hard pill for me to swallow. I’ve lived in a black and white world all my life. Either you love me or you don’t. Either you’re honest or you’re a liar. No gray areas. Ever. People choose to lie – it doesn’t just happen.

I remember when I was in my 20s and I was dating this guy. He was in the military and was stationed in my town. One Friday evening he told me that he was going home to NY for the weekend and that he would see me on Sunday. Ok, cool. Later that evening, I went up to the mall with a girlfriend to do some shopping and who do you think I saw posted up at a clothing store chatting up this cashier whom I despised? I walked up behind him – she saw me before he did and it was written all over her face – and I said, “I expect you to come to my house tomorrow and pick up your stuff.” And I turned and walked out.

Why lie? It’s a small town you idiot. If you’re in town, I’m going to find out. Its stuff like that … I just don’t get it. Years of that have brought me to where I am regarding liars. I am hoping that at this point I either will become more tolerant and accept people with all their flaws or I will just stop meeting liars.


LadyLee said...

Come on, Chele... you ain't never lied to get your way??

If not, I truly admire that. Wish I could say as much.

I understand where you are coming from. No one likes a liar.

I myself lied to a guy once to manipulate him into doing what I wanted him to do. I told him I loved him, which was far from the truth. I felt horrible afterwards. It changed my whole perspective on lying. I am glad it did.

I think what comes into play is the reason. Is it selfish or deceitful in nature? Then it's a no no. If it's to save me from hurt feelings, then I understand. But overall, if it's ongoing... uh, time to break camp.

I posted a related scripture about deceitful people today. I consider lying a form of deceit... interesting what the verse compares those type of people to.

chele said...

@Ladylee: I may have lied to get my way or to avoid trouble as a kid, but not as a full-grown woman.

ShellyShell said...

I agree with you. Once you lie I'm pretty much done! There's nothing worse than a liar and a thief!