Friday, December 14, 2012

Back and Forth

Only a few weeks left in 2012 and I have not fallen in love. See, in January I was convinced that I would fall in love this year. In January I wanted to meet “that” guy, fall in love and get married. I thought about the dress and the ceremony and a lifetime of wedded bliss. He would be mature, solid in his faith, financially stable and totally in love with me.

That did not happen. And I don’t say that with disappointment, it’s just a point of fact. I actually don’t feel anything one way or the other. In fact, when I really think about it … where in the world would I fit a relationship? I have so many things that I’m trying to accomplish right now and I don’t want any of them to take a back seat. In other words, I’m not willing to put a man first … ahead of school, ahead of my fitness journey, ahead of reaching my financial goals. Not yet anyway.

Will I ever be ready? Remember in SATC when Aiden told Carrie, “If you don’t want to marry me right now, you’ll never want to marry me.”

Is that true? I can’t imagine “giving it all up” for a guy. Not again. I did that once back in 1993 – left my home and job and got married and moved to VA. Different time, different circumstances. Can’t see it happening again. And is it realistic to expect a man to be content being so far down on the list of priorities?

I look at my life the way it is today and I ask myself, would a husband bring any added value to my life right now? Two years from now? Five years from now? I don’t know the answer to that question.

The idea of sharing my life with someone sounds nice in theory. Then again, I haven’t always been known for my ability to share.

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