Up until yesterday I was visualizing myself taking the stage in June and walking off the stage with a trophy. Actually, I’ll be competing in three different divisions so I saw myself with more than one trophy. Then something happened yesterday … don’t ask me what … but a voice in my head said, “You know, there’s a possibility that you won’t win. There’s a possibility that you won’t even place.”
Then I got depressed. All this hard work, all this lifting, all this dieting, all this cardio and no trophy? It was cold and rainy yesterday and when I got off work I went home and curled up on my bed. I told myself that I wasn’t going to do my cardio. What was the point, after all? I could skip a day. Then after about 30 minutes another voice said to me, “You know, the girls who are going to place are actually in the gym right now.”
So I got up and did my 40 minutes of cardio and I felt amazing afterward. It’s a good thing that I’m not an emotional eater because I really could have done some damage.
Here’s the thing: I didn’t start this journey thinking about trophies. I started this journey because I wanted a better body. And guess what? I have one. I’ve accomplished things in the past six months that I never thought I could. The truth is, I cannot control what the judges are looking for on that night. It’s completely out of my hands. All I can do is work my hardest. Give it 100% and leave it all on the stage. Whatever happens happens.
I will not allow myself to be defined by a shiny award or how I appear on the outside. Yes, I am competitive and this competition is all about physical beauty and I'd be lying if I said I didn't really want to win ... but it's about more than that. It's about determination. It's about perseverence. It's about commitment. It's about strength. I have all that and the lack of an award won't change that.