In exactly two months I will celebrate my 49th birthday. But in true “me” fashion my mind skips right over 49 and all I can think about is next year when I turn 50. It will take me these 14 months to actually wrap my head around the fact that I am going to be 50 years old. I don’t feel 50 – or at least what I thought 50 would feel like. I don’t think I look 50. I could be wrong but I don’t think I act like a 50 year old either. Or maybe, my perception of what 50 is or should be has just been skewed. No, I don’t believe that 50 is the new anything. Fifty is just, well 50. When people make the pathetic claim that 50 is the new 30 (or God forbid, 20) I just cringe. I hated life when I was 30! I’ve probably documented the mental breakdown I had at 30 – not really a breakdown but at the time it sure felt like one. But my 30s sucked and I welcomed 40 with open arms. Now I am preparing to bid my 40s adieu and try to figure out how I feel about turning 50.
At the age of 48 I began lifting weights and walked across a stage under bright lights in a teeny tiny bikini. I wonder what I’ll do at 50. As much as I enjoy the experience of competing I truly don’t see myself doing it in my fifties. Even though I probably could … something tells me that (for me) it would seem weird. Again, this is only me talking but I see this as a younger woman’s sport. I’ve proved I could do it and I did it well. **shrugs** I’ll see how I feel after the show in 4 weeks. I’ll continue to train because I honestly love being in the gym. I love watching the transformation that my body is experiencing. It is the coolest thing ever. And I don’t know what you heard, but muscles and a flat stomach are sexy as hell. Believe it.
As I look at my daughter’s suitcases in the living room, I can say with a certain amount of confidence that I will be an honest-to-goodness empty nester when I’m 50. Part of me (the big part) is really looking forward to that. But there will always be part of me that feels a little sad at the thought of that. My kids are my greatest accomplishment. Nothing in my life can compare to what God has allowed me to do with those two.
Oh well. Fifty is on the horizon. I thank God for allowing me to see it. In 14 months that is. I think for right now, I’ll just revel in 49. Forty-nine’s not a bad age. I think it’s going to be a pretty good one for me.