Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Should I Be Doing More?

I remember a time, many years ago when I worked 16 hour days and thought nothing of it.  I worked a full-time job during the day (7a-3p) as a clerk for a government contractor and then another 8 hours in the evening (4p-12a) 4 days a week as a clerk at a seedy motel. 

I did this for about 8 months and I had a ritual that I followed each week.  After a long week of working like a dog, I would get up early on Saturday morning and go to the grocery store and get a ton of comfort food and then I’d go to the video store (pre-Netflix) and get a ton of videos then I’d go home and hibernate for two days, not leaving my house again until Monday morning and start the process all over again.

I worked so hard back then because I was saving money for a new car.  I wanted a car and I wanted it to be a NEW car and I wanted to get it on my own, without needing my mother to co-sign for me.  Well, after countless numbers of hours worked I was able to save enough money for a significant down payment and my best friend and I went to Rhode Island and we bought our new cars.  We went to Rhode Island because there was no sales tax.

That was one of the best moments of my life.  I felt so accomplished and so proud that I set a goal, worked my ass off and reached the goal.

That’s how things are done.  If you want something, you set your eyes on whatever it is and don’t waiver.  Keep going, keep pressing, keep pushing and you will be rewarded.

I look at my life now and I wonder, “should I be doing more?”  There are so many things that I still want to do but do my actions really reflect those desires?  I’m not as young as I used to be (who is?) but I’m strong and I’m capable of doing more than what I’m doing.  I mean, back then I was young and had no husband or kids and was only responsible for myself.  Today, I have no husband, my kids are grown and gone and I am only responsible for myself ... and Portia

Is it necessary for me to work 16 hour days again?

It might be.

I watched this TED Talk this morning featuring Shonda Rhimes and she discusses her year of saying “yes”.   One of the things she says is:

            A dream job is not about dreaming, it’s about the job … the work

1 comment:

Moe said...

I am reflecting on the similar situation, last Friday was my last day at my employer with no job offers lined up, I walked away because I was mentally exhausted and really felt at a stand still. I remember the days of working 65 hour week work weeks, stressed to the max and yet I never took time to be STILL. 2015 I spent the year job hopping not truly sure what I wanted out of life as far as my career. I was so used to working so hard that each job after that I was not satisfied or felt like it was suppose to be "More" more work, more money, more more more. So now I am here with Less and wondering my next steps. Do I go complete the degree with 4 classes left, do I go finish the certification, or do I finally allow Monique to live for her and not the thoughts of what I should live up to.