(This video doesn’t really have anything to do with this post … it’s just the song that is in my head right now.)
I believe that there are no mistakes, only lessons. Well, there probably are mistakes but it’s all about your perspective, don’t you think? For example, if I look at my last serious relationship (or any of my past relationships for that matter) as one big mistake then I’d probably need medication to deal with the depression. I choose instead to do some serious self-examination to determine if I learned anything. After more than six years of self-examination and reflection I discovered that I learned some pretty valuable lessons from that time in my life. Here are a few:1. Trust your gut
2. Never go back
3. Always communicate openly and honestly and allow others to do the same
4. Don’t ever lose yourself in another human being
5. Again, trust your gut
In August 2016, I ventured into the world of online dating. I know I’ve discussed that here a few times. I wanted to date again. I love being in the company of a nice man. I enjoy having conversations over food and wine and it doesn’t hurt to be at looking at an attractive man while I’m doing it. Since the men aren’t beating a path to my door I need to make myself more visible and in the 21st century the best way to do that is online. It’s been almost a year and I have encountered these guys: Granddaddy, the Narcissist, the Legalist, Baby Huey, the church mouse, the Professor and Preacher Man. The stories I could tell …
I went on a first date in early October and I knew immediately that he was not the one. Not “not the one” as in I couldn’t marry him, but not “not the one” as in, I didn’t want to date him, for various reasons that aren’t really relevant to this post. The point is, I recognized it early, I trusted my gut and bounced.
I accepted another date from someone else a few weeks later and I knew immediately that he had no room in his life for me. However, I decided to date him anyway because he was nice, he lived close by and I really wanted to experience dating again. I had to start somewhere, so why not start with the kind, attractive, local guy? Keeping in mind that I knew he had no room in his life for me and this wasn’t going to last. After six months, I had had enough. He was nice, kind and generous but he couldn’t (or wouldn’t) give me the one thing I needed – time. So, I bounced. No hard feelings (sort of) but if I had stayed any longer and continued to accept the relationship as it was I would have ended up hating him.
In the past two weeks, I received a text message from both of these jokers. This is not the first time. I get these texts maybe once a quarter. One said something like “I hope you’re doing okay” and the other one said, “I miss our talks and being with you” with little heart emojis.
First, please GTFOH with that BS. Does the “I miss you” text ever work? I am not an idiot and I’m quite sure that this texting is a tactic to keep a foot in the door so I don’t forget them … or some other nonsense. Second, I never go back. The whole back-and-forth, on again/off again crap is not for me. When I’m done, I.AM.DONE. I remember exactly why I walked away and that keeps me from going back. Leave me alone. I was so tempted to respond to the texts with, “who dis?” but I believe no response is much more effective.
Taking the time to learn the lessons that life teaches us is integral to living a happy, peaceful life. I cannot control the actions of other people but I can certainly control how I respond. It would be easy to tell these (cough) men to stop contacting me. I don’t because (a) I secretly get a small amount of satisfaction knowing that I’m still on their minds, blame ego, (b) they’re harmless and (c) they give me something to blog about. You’re welcome.