It’s Tuesday. In case
you were wondering.
I started dating when I was 15. That means I have been dating for 35+
years. That’s a lot of dates, several boyfriends
and two husbands. I met my very first
boyfriend as a sophomore in high school.
He was on the basketball team and he had light brown eyes and a big,
round butt (for a guy). We dated all
throughout high school and when I left for college it kind of just fell
apart. He was a good guy as far as
boyfriends go. I can’t say the same for
all those that followed but he was a good guy.
I believe over the years, I have dated almost everyone. You name the type, and I’ve dated him. The athlete? Check. The artist? Check. The sailor? Check. The narcissist? Check.
The arrogant SOB? Yeah him
too. The emotionally abusive? Confirmed.
I have never, thankfully, dated the physically abusive. Eff that.
My point is that I thought that I was at a point in my life that I could
no longer be surprised by something that a man that I’m dating does. I stand corrected. My current boyfriend/significant
other/bae/love of my life is a wonderful person. He gets on my nerves just the right
amount. He has a teenaged son so time is
split between being a dad and being my man.
Take into consideration that he is not just my man and a father … he has
a job and he has friends that also take up his time. I’m not needy by any stretch of the
imagination and I enjoy my solitude but if you’re my man you need to make sure
that I’m taken care of. Make me a
priority. He knows that. January has been a challenge with the weather
and snow days and being snowbound but we’re making it work. This past weekend was the first weekend that
the weather was nice and I didn’t have to work so I told him that I wanted to
treat him to lunch on Saturday. He agreed
so I drove the 40 minutes to his job and took him to lunch. It was nice to just sit across a table from
him, talking and laughing and just enjoying each other’s company. Afterwards, I hung out briefly until he got
busy and then I came home. We had plans
to see each other the next day, Sunday, after he got out of church. Here’s where it gets tricky. Sunday was my self-care day so I spent hours
taking care of me and cleaning my house in preparation to see him. He calls me that afternoon and I hear
something in his voice – something’s wrong.
When I ask him what it is he says nothing but he has to ask me a
question.
“Is it okay if I watch football with the fellas today?”
In the 35+ years that I have been dating, no man has ever
asked for permission to do anything.
Ever. In fact, the only man that
has ever asked my permission for anything is my son. Let me explain something: my man is 100% old-school man. Meaning there are no blurry lines when it comes
to the roles of men and women. He doesn’t
have to beat his chest to let me or anyone else know that he is a man. He is just a man. He is completely secure in who he is and he
is not intimidated by who I am. He
handles his business and he does not tolerate any foolishness. Period.
So, as a man in a relationship with a woman he thought it best to ask
permission to break our plans in order to hang out with his friends. He didn’t say, “This is what I’m going to do”
or “Do you mind if” he straight up asked for permission. Here’s my way of thinking: he loves football, football season doesn’t
last all year, it’s the last set of games before the Super Bowl. What am I gonna do … deny him this one
pleasure so he can sit on my couch and do what?
He’d be pissed because he couldn’t watch football and I’d be pissed
because I know he didn’t really want to be there. Again, I say eff that. I need peace in my house at all times. Listen, I made the mistake of going to B-Dubs
with him the previous Sunday to watch football – after the wings and
watered-down drinks were gone, I was ready to go! I happily told him to go hang with his
boys. We saw each other on Monday after
work and had a lovely time. We both know
that he absolutely did not have to ask my permission to watch football. It wasn’t even about that. It was about the fact that he respected me
enough to consider me before he made a decision. He took the chance that I might say no, but I
believe he knows me well enough to know that I would never deny him something
so small. I spent the time getting ready
for the week, reading, watching movies and drinking wine in solitude. It was a win-win. The relationship is still
relatively new (almost 7 months) and I want to make sure that I’m not setting a
precedent by allowing him to cancel our plans all willy-nilly. I’ll
have to keep my eye on that … but for right now, I’m good.
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