Day 290

During a conversation with a friend, I made the statement that our lives operate in seasons.  Just like winter, spring, summer, and fall.  Some of our seasons are long and some are short, but the one thing that they all have in common is that they do not last forever.   I saw some posts over the weekend from a fellow figure competitor.  She was on stage and posing and looking amazing and it immediately brought me back to my competition days and I couldn’t believe that I was once so into that lifestyle.  It was everything to me and if you knew me in real life during that time, you would certainly agree.  Every word that came out of my mouth had to do with either lifting weights, eating (or not eating) and sleeping.  How is it that something that once consumed every fiber of my being is now just a nice memory?  It’s because our lives operate in seasons.  No matter how hard we try to make certain things last forever, it is my opinion that nothing was meant to last forever.  I believe that many of us experience varying levels of anxiety because we are trying to hold on to things, people or experiences forever when they were only meant to last for a season.  Why are we so afraid of change?  Why is letting go an issue? 

What does any of this have to do with being alcohol-free for 290 days?  I don’t know.  Sometimes, I think about my lifestyle when I was drinking.  That is, when I was drinking socially and made alcohol part of experiences and not sitting alone in my house night after night consuming bottle after bottle.  Pre-pandemic alcohol consumption was different.  It was, dare I say, fun?  I do not miss the alcohol and have found healthier ways to treat my body and my mind.  Letting go took a few tries but I finally did it and I realize more and more that when that little voice is telling me it is time to move on there should be little hesitation.  The longer you wait, the longer you are delaying the “something better” that is right around the corner.

290 days.

Currently reading:  A House Among the Trees by Julia Glass