What's Going on in my Head

I bought these three magazines over the weekend ...

Warning: Unpopular Opinion Ahead

You know what really grinds my gears?

I work. I work hard and have always worked hard.

So it gets under my skin when I read stories about people (read: women) who fight tooth and nail during a divorce to get money that they themselves did not work for.

How about, “Get a job.”

Are there exceptions? Certainly.

If the husband insists that his wife doesn’t work and she agrees; if they divorce, he should pay a reasonable amount of spousal support.

If the husband makes the majority of his money while the couple was married; if they divorce, the wife should be entitled to a percentage of marital assets according to the laws of the state in which they were married.

In cases where there is infidelity on the husband’s part … because I’m a woman I have to make allowances for pain and suffering. Elin Nordergren and Vanessa Bryant got over like fat rats and I ain’t mad at ‘em.

But if you sign a pre-nup which says you will get thus and so, just take thus and so and shut up. And what about Heather Mills trying to cash in on Beatles money? That’s just downright greedy and wrong. I’m watching this whole Pilar Sanders thing unfold and I wonder where she lost her dignity. She signed a pre-nup. Move out of that man’s house and put together a plan for your future without Deion.

Do you think that during a big money divorce, the wife is entitled to half of what the man is worth?

Budget Blues

I hate making budgets. Why? Because every month without fail something unexpected comes up and blows the numbers right out of the water. In January it was over $600 in dental work and $206 in auto maintenance.

I also have to find a way to considserably cut my grocery bill. In January I spent almost $800 in groceries! For three (sometimes four) people. That's ridiculous! That does not include restaurants. I have to make a list before I go to the store and stick to it. I have to clip coupons. I have to plan our meals. I have to buy generic (yuk!!).

I have to do something. Thoughts?

Mo' Money

A girlfriend of mine is married to a guy who is having a hard time dealing with the fact that she makes more money than him. A lot more. Historically he has not proven himself to be the best money manager so they now have separate bank accounts. From the way it sounds, he thinks that she has millions stashed away. In my mind, even if she did ... so what? She earned whatever is in her account, the bills are paid and she is working to keep them out of debt.

What's the problem? Why is this even an issue? If you're married and you're both working and all the bills are paid what difference does it make from which pot the money comes from? Why do men get "funny" when women make more cheese than they do?

Personally, when I was married I tried the joint bank account thing and it just didn't work. It was my responsibility to pay the household bills but I couldn't keep track of what was in the account because he was always making unnecessary withdrawals. Why? So he could have money in his pocket. After I heard that excuse we got separate accounts. I know people who can make it work but I wasn't one of them.

AMM - Automatically MY (damn) Money

Remember the line in So.ul Fo.od when Terry said that whenever the family needed money they thought of her as an ATM -- automatically Terry's money? I know what she means.

There's an article in the May Es.se.nce entitled Giving Till It Hurts and it talks about the fact that Black women stop themselves from living their dreams because they lend money to others before taking care of themselves.

Let's clarify one thing: I don't generally lend because I know the chances of being paid back are slim to none. I consider what I give a gift ... which means if I don't get it back, I won't be hurting. Let's clarify another thing: Just because I won't be hurting doesn't mean that you can count on me to support you. While we're at it, let's just clarify one more little thing: If I didn't give birth to you, it's not my responsibility to financially support you. And even if I did give birth to you, if you have a job ... I have limits. (Note: The Prince paid me back for the movies on Saturday) :)

When I was broke back in the day, I was too embarrassed to ask friends or family for money. I just couldn't do it. I found a way to make what I had work. I made sure the rent and the car note were paid first. I didn't have cable, I drove an old hooptie, I used coupons when I went grocery shopping, etc. Heck, I have no fashion sense now because I never had any money to shop, but instead of saying "I'm broke", I would say, "I don't like to shop". Which is actually true now.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah ...

When I got past broke and had a little something I didn't mind helping someone out every now and then. But when every now and then turned into a more frequent occurence I had to put the brakes on that thing. At first, it just felt good to be able to help. I considered myself blessed to have it to give. Then it began to feel like they expected it. Then I kind of felt obligated. Then if I wanted to say no, I felt guilty. Finally, someone very close to me said, "I will not feel guilty because I have a savings account and they don't." I know that's right. We're all working and ain't nobody rollin' like that.

It's only April and I have reached my quota for financial "gifts" for the year. The article in the magazine suggests having a "gift" line item in the budget and when it's done, it's done. I need to do that because right now, I stop when I get pissed. It shouldn't have to be that way. It's just frustrating. Basically, because what I have put away is not (or shouldn't be) at the disposal of family and friends who refuse to plan.

I'm done.