Thursday, August 28, 2008

Let's Be Real

I can admit that I am overly emotional at times. I can also admit that I sometimes take things personally when I shouldn't. I know my faults and I do the best I can to correct the areas in which I am deficient.

At the same time, I know my strengths. I know that I am probably one of the most loyal people you will ever meet. My honesty can't be denied. I never make promises that I don't intend to keep. I mean everything I say which is why I measure my words carefully. If I tell you to kiss my ass ... trust and believe that I meant that shit. I will never come back and say, "I didn't mean to say that."

Unfortunately for me, I tend to expect the same loyalty, honesty and integrity from others. And when they cannot or will not deliver I get emotional and take it personally.

I don't ask for nor do I expect special treatment from anybody. Not because I'm Black. Not because I'm a woman. Not because I'm a single mother. Screw all that. None of it matters. I have been working hard for close to thirty years and I continue to be a person who works hard and I will bust my ass to get the job done and when it is clear to me that my efforts are not valued ... then yeah, my panties will get all in a bunch. Don't fall on the floor and praise me but don't knock me down, ignore my effort and stab me in the back either.

Answer me this: why am I accused of being defensive when I attempt to answer a direct question with a direct answer? Maybe it was the way in which I gave the answer. Sorry, I can't sugar coat anything. I am always professional but at the same time you will never be confused by my answer. And if by chance you interpret my directness as defensiveness than that is on you. I won't deliver the answer in the same manner as Becky will. If you wanted Becky's answer than go ask Becky the question. Oh that's right ... you can't ... cause she don't know the answer.

Today was not a good day. Thankfully, I'm about to start a long four-day weekend. I was supposed to be on another alcohol fast but after work I enjoyed two martinis. I mean, I really enjoyed them. The weekend is going to be a busy one. Right now I'm preparing for the carpet cleaners who will be here tomorrow morning. My princess has an appointment at the salon so she can get all cute for the first day of school. Then I'm taking her school shopping and we get to argue about how much cleavage is appropriate for a ninth grader ... oh joy!

I feel better now. I know my worth. And the actions of others cannot change that. They will continue to do what they do (and I know it's not just to me) and I will continue to move forward.


Anonymous said...

Chele, I could have wrote have the first 4 paragraphs myself. I get emotional at times and take things personally. But I'm such a loyal person and expect the same from others. When I don't get the same, I take that shit personally. Like you, I'm working on that part of me. But it's hard because I expect people to treat me the same way I treat them. When I say I'm going to do something for you, I will. If I say something, I mean it.

Good luck with school shopping. If your daughter is anything like I was when I started high school and my mother took me school shopping, you will threaten her with no new clothes. My mother had a time with me b/c everything she thought was cute, I didn't. Everything I thought was cute, she was telling she's not buying it.

lyre said...

I used to be bothered by others lack of honesty until I realized that the attitude that I sent out into the universe was so intimidating that it made people not want to share things they thought would upset or disappoint me. Maybe it's a thin line between confidence and arrogance. I think I had a bit of the arrogance bug. I'm trying to work on being confident without putting another down or judging their worth against my own. There is a place for all of us.