Monday, June 15, 2009

Desperately Seeking ...

I was commenting to someone earlier today that I have never, in almost 45 years, sat down and just thought about the things that would make me happy. I mean really, really happy. The kind of happy that leaves you with a permanent Joker-grin. Consequently, I have never achieved that kind of happiness. Odd. Since I am the queen of planning and making lists why haven’t I ever taken the time to make this particular list? I think the reason lies in the fact that I have somehow believed that happiness just kind of happens. Either you have it or you don’t. Historically, I have been the person who goes through life allowing things to happen instead of purposefully making things happen. And because of that I have to play the cards that I have been dealt and make the most of it. I have had happy times in my life. Moments of joy. Like when I took my kids to Disney. Or when I bought my house. But those moments were fleeting and few. I would like to have sustained joy in my life. While on vacation next week I hope to use my time on the beach to really think about the things that I want in my life that will make me happy. When I say “things” I don’t only mean things that I have to purchase. You know, like my dream home on the ocean. I also mean circumstances that will bring me joy. Like seeing my children succeed in their lives. Sometimes, I’m so scatter-brained and it’s difficult for me to stay focused. It’s difficult to just sit and think without drifting off to other directions. Difficult, but not impossible. Hell, I know there is nothing I can’t do once I put my mind to it. I broke my own rule and hopped on the scale over the weekend … I’m down another pound suckas! And I’m wearing a dress today that used to make my tummy look poofy because of the rouching.

I just checked the spelling of rouching and came across the urban dictionary’s definition. Gross!!

Wait a minute …

See how easily I lose focus?

Hope you are having a great day!

4 comments:

ShellyShell said...

It's funny. I'm not a pen and paper planner but I plan for my life in my head then make it happen! My mom always comments how although I am the youngest child how I always seem to have a plan for my life! While sometimes the plan is crazy as hell and ONLY makes sense to me I have a plan for my life! LOL! I'm such a weirdo!
Hope you're having a great day!

LadyLee said...

Well Chele, they say when you fail to plan, you plan to fail. And that's the way it is. So nothing wrong with being a stickler for planning. I need to get better at that!

I'm not sure that we can plan happiness. It is too circumstantial.

The best definition I've heard of happiness is it being the sense of comfort and deep satisfaction in the place that you are at the moment. Of course it is highly dependent on circumstances. That changes from time to time though, and it is much different from joy, which originates from deep inside, independent of the circumstances.

So here's to finding that place called "happy", Oldgirl. Hope you find it, and it is sustained like you want it to be.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hi there!

I congratulate you on your weight loss!

I wish you all the best as you map out your purpose in life!

Check out my post, "How About A Life Makeover?"

There's another discussion on "Imagining The Impossible" that you may also find interesting.

Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!
Lisa

Believer said...

I too have had moments in life that I could categorize as my happiest, but joy is what I want to have every day.

Beach time is a perfect setting for getting deeper about what matters most. Enjoy your trip!