Spring is here!

I love the spring.

Waiting on the Tarmac

The thing that irritates me the most about air travel (besides the ridiculous prices) is the uncertainty of it all. You buy your ticket and then you are in the hands of the airline, the airport and the dreaded TSA. Will my flight leave on time? Will I make my connecting flight? Will someone be in my seat? What zone am I in, again?

For a person like me, who prefers to be in control of every single situation this can be very trying. I’m learning, as I get older, to just let it go. I’ll get there when I get there. There is truly no point in getting my panties all in a bunch about a situation that I have absolutely no control over.

Have you ever had to wait on the tarmac? Picture this: You get to the airport two hours ahead of time because that is what they say you should do. You return your rental car and breeze though TSA without having to get patted down. You check the big boards to check your departure gate and make sure that you are still leaving on time. So far, so good. You get to your gate in plenty of time to read, relax, listen to music or just people watch. Finally, your flight is called and you are boarding. You are on the plane, your carry-on is secure in the overhead bin and you are seated in your aisle seat.

Then … nothing.

For whatever reason, the plane is not moving. You are stuck in this tube and you can’t get off and no one is telling you anything. All you can do is sit and wait.

Has this ever happened to you? Sucks, right? It happened to me a few years ago when I was coming back from Connecticut. The delay was weather-related and what I didn’t understand was why they had us board in the first place. It was awful. We sat for probably an hour, maybe longer which caused me to miss my connecting flight. So once I got to Pittsburgh (I think it was Pittsburgh) I had to find a flight back home to VA. I found a flight but I had to sit in this airport for six hours. Yes, six hours. And I had to call my (then) BF and have him go pick up my car from Newport News and move it to Norfolk. It was a mess.

I finally made it to my destination. I knew I would but I just had to take a few detours and endure the inconvenience.

Thinking about this experience had me thinking about the current state of my life. I mean, it’s December and the end of yet another year and I’m getting all reflective. I look back on 2011 and I see that the year has actually been pretty amazing. I started running and competed in 3 5ks and will finish the year with one more. I’m healthier and stronger. I’m really happy. But I know there’s something more.

I feel like I’m waiting on the tarmac. I’ve done everything that I can do in order to make the trip and reach the destination but I’m still waiting. Waiting for that next thing. The next career, the next relationship, the next … something.

When I ended my relationship with what’s-his-face back in February 2010 that was the equivalent to me packing for the trip. For the year after that I feel like I was returning the rental car, going through TSA and waiting at the gate. I was busy but not overly so. The next six months was boarding the plane and the anticipation was rising. Now, for the past four months I’ve been sitting on the tarmac ready to go but not able to. I don’t know what’s next. I know I’m going to reach my destination but I just don’t know when. And sometimes I think that because I am so content in my present circumstance maybe this is it. Maybe I’m here.

I don’t know. I feel like there is more but I can honestly say that if this is it I can be content, and anything extra will be the sweetest icing on the cake.

Racing on the 4th of July

For your viewing pleasure.

I was glad that my daughter was there to video the race for me. But watching myself is not the prettiest of sights. All I see is bad form. On most days, I don't feel my age but watching this video I feel every single one of those years.

Whatever. The fact is, I'm happiest when I'm running. Imperfect form and all.

Just gives me something to work on.

See you at the next race.

Still Happy?

Yesterday I had my bi-weekly catch up meeting with my Manager. Nothing earth shattering, just going over what’s on my desk. Do I have any specific concerns. Yada yada yada. At the end of the meeting he asked me, “So, are you still happy?” I shrugged my shoulders and said, “As long as my mortgage is paid and I can buy groceries every week I’m ecstatic.”

Hmmmmm

I really hate that that was my response. Because the truth is, I’m not happy and I’m certainly not ecstatic. I’m grateful. But not happy. Another truth is, I'm not leaving my current employer to go to another employer. I want to be the employer.

Either there is something else out there for me or I have to change my attitude about where I am.

I believe that God wants me to live an abundant life (John 10:10). I know that God wants to bless my life (Deuteronomy 28).

But here’s “the gotcha”: From God’s perspective is my life already blessed and am I already living abundantly?

From my perspective, things are satisfactory. Things are acceptable. But not overwhelming. God promises that He will open the windows of Heaven and pour me out a blessing so great that I won’t even have enough room to receive it (Malachi 3:10). I’m not there yet.

So I guess that’s the answer. There is something else out there, but I also need to have a better attitude about what I’ve already been blessed with.

5 Years From Now?

Goals and Dreams

I admire people who set clear, concise, specific goals; develop a plan to achieve those goals; implement said plan and experience success.

It’s a beautiful thing.

I think I can count the number of times when I’ve done that successfully on one hand.

Which explains a lot.

I often dream about doing this or that but dreams are not goals. Dreams don’t require any action and goals do.

I had a goal to write and publish a novel. Achieved.
I have a dream to be a successful food writer.

I had a goal to own my own home. Achieved.
I have a dream to own another home on the beach.

I had a goal to get the job that I currently have. Achieved.
I have a dream to own my own business.

I am content and I think the reason for that is because my over arching goal is to enjoy a happy, peaceful life. And I’m not saying that because I lack ambition or the skills to turn my dreams into goals. Eventually, the dreams may evolve into goals. But I’m not pressed. I have everything I need and most of the things that I really want. I know to the Type A, I sound like a total slacker.

Whatever, man.

I’m thinking about buying a hammock.

Thoughtful Thursday

You know, there’s a lot of bad news out there. Every time I turn around I find myself wishing I would hear a good news story. I want to read about how someone went out of their way for a stranger. I want to hear about how the kitten was rescued from the tree. Enough with the negative already.

Sometimes I feel some kinda way blogging about how good I feel. Talking about how blessed I am. Rejoicing in the fact that I have good, healthy kids that (almost) never cause me any trouble. That I have a great job that allows me to provide for my family. That I am healthy and strong. That my physical, emotional and spiritual lives are all on track.

It seems that people are so willing to share the bad stuff but not always the good. For me, I guess I don’t want to be labeled a “Pollyanna”.

After all, how can I be so optimistic when the world around me is filled with such despair?

Well, quite frankly, my world is NOT filled with despair. My world is filled with joy. My world is filled with love. My world is filled with peace.

Why shouldn’t I be optimistic?

I have discovered through the years that what will be will be. I can either choose to be negative or I can choose to be positive. For years, I chose negativity and it got me absolutely nowhere. What a miserable existence. I used to believe that I had Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), also known as the “winter blues”. This season when the weather turned cold (and it is really cooooold) I braced myself waiting for the blues to hit.

I’m still waiting.

For me, it’s all about my perspective. I know that some people (one in particular) will roll their eyes and refuse to believe that you can think yourself happy. And that’s okay. Perhaps it doesn’t work for everyone. But it does work for me. I spent so many years being mean and evil and negative and depressed and I just cannot do it anymore. I cannot. I have my moments, just like anybody else but I refuse to allow that state to represent my normal existence.

My life is a gift from God. How do you feel when you give someone a gift and they are obviously not grateful for it? I don’t want to be ungrateful for my gift. I love my life and if that sounds all soft and squishy to you, well feel free to click the X in the upper right hand corner.

When you come back, I’ll still be here loving my life.

Looking Back

I posted this on FB this morning: If you can look back fondly … it means you’re over it.

This morning I spent some time on YouTube and pulled up a bunch of videos of songs that I used to sing during my rock star days. For the newcomers, I used to sing in a band with my ex-boyfriend. We broke up earlier this year. I stopped singing with him on regular basis more than a year ago.

Now that everyone’s caught up, I’ll continue.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time focusing on forgetting those things which are behind and focusing on what lies ahead because I’m pressing toward the mark for the prize of the high calling in Christ Jesus (Philipians 3:13-14).

I do this because I’m a firm believer that one cannot successfully move into their future if they are stuck in the past. I walked away from a lot when I left that relationship and I just wanted to forget all of it and leave it all behind.

But today I decided to take a look back. And when I did I smiled. I didn’t feel sad or lonely or melancholy or disappointed or angry or hurt or betrayed. I just smiled. Those were good times. I had fun being on stage and I enjoyed looking over at him and seeing him smile. That was a really fun time in my life. It was something that I am so glad I was able to experience. I don’t regret it but I also don’t miss it. I was a rock star for a season and now I’m on to something else.

I was able to look back and remember the good times and I still remained firmly in the present and I’m looking forward to my future.

Wordless Wednesday: Happiness Is

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

This is in the courtyard outside my office. Sometimes I have to resist the urge to run through it.

Goodbye June

It was fun and I’d like to say that I’m sorry to see you go … but enough already. In June I read two really good books, upgraded to a Blackberry (shut up), my car was stolen, the Lakers won the championship and I had to work really hard to maintain my faith in humanity. What the heck is wrong with people?

July will be better. At least it’s starting off better. Two days and a wake-up, my friends.

I'm listening to Jill Scott in case you were wondering.

I received the Sunshine Award because someone says I brighten their day. Awwwwww!

This award goes to everyone on my blogroll because I check you guys out everyday for some sunshine and you never fail to deliver.

Love you guys.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

I am a relatively happy person. Generally, I prefer happiness to the alternative. Admittedly, this was not always the case. There have been times in the not-so-distant past when I have been characterized as an evil bitch.

Hard to believe, right?

Well, being evil all the time did not serve me so I had to make some changes. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself a “Mary Sunshine” and I don’t see rainbows and butterflies where there are none but I do have a huge amount of faith which allows me to see the bright side in most situations.

This can be annoying to some people who can’t see beyond their current situation. Sorry.

I have been blogging for about five years and for those of you who have been around for a while you may remember that this is one of my favorite scriptures:

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)

It’s simple and I never get tired of it. I found it when I was going through my divorce and it’s been with me ever since. It reminds me that whatever trial I’m experiencing is only temporary and once I get through to the other side things are going to be so good, I won’t even remember what I was upset about.

That’s what it says to me.

I’ll be honest with you. I have really been going through it since the last week of February. Things have not been all sunshine and roses around here. I took a good two weeks and did nothing but lay on my couch and cry. It was when my son said, “You look terrible” that I realized I had to get off my ass and start moving.

I understand sadness. I understand depression. Every woman in my immediate family is depressed. In the past, whenever I would feel a wave of depression coming on I would do everything I could to get over it really quickly. This time I just sat with it. I allowed myself to wallow in it until I couldn’t stand it anymore. I prayed a lot. I wrote in my journal. I worked out. I shopped. Than I reminded myself of Romans 8:18.

I am so ridiculously happy right now. Things have changed so much in the past eleven weeks … I cannot even begin to tell you. Life is not perfect. But (for me) it’s the imperfections that keep it interesting.

Happy 101 Award

I received this lovely award from the lovely Ms. Luv. What a great gift on this rainy Friday.

Ten things that make me happy (in no particular order):

1. the beach
2. good food
3. good wine
4. good friends
5. free stuff
6. fresh flowers
7. relaxing on the weekends
8. good hair days
9. fresh linens
10. freedom

So, if I had the freedom to spend a relaxing weekend on the beach with good food, good wine and good friends I would be so happy. Add to that getting the beach house for free and was able to sleep on fresh linens each night and wake up to fresh flowers each morning and didn't have to worry about my hair ... that would just push me over the edge!

I know I'm supposed to pass this award on -- but I never do. So, if you feel like grabbing it, please do!

Happy Friday!

What Makes Me Smile

I don't know what these flowers are but they show up in my front yard every year without warning and it makes me smile.

I tried to go to work today but I'm suffering with the worst headache I have ever had. Every time I move my head the pain is just crazy. I suffered with this all day Sunday and I don't know what it is. I hardly ever get sick and I almost never get headaches. I thought it was a white wine headache because sometimes I get those but they usually last for a couple of hours not a couple of days! Ugh. Anyway, I'm working from home today.

I at least got to take advantage of the beautiful day that we had on Saturday. After getting up and going to the gym I went to the matinee to see the the new TP movie and I really liked it. There were moments when I rolled my eyes, moments when I laughed out loud and moments when I cried. It was very good and I definitely recommend it.

After the movie I had brunch at this place. Very nice. Then I went to the bookstore to pick up a book that LadyLee recommended called Buying Time, and so far so good. I had to go to the seafood market to pick up some crabmeat for my seafood casserole. Then I came home and colored the gray out of my hair and did my nails. I spent the rest of the afternoon on my swing reading my book.

That's the kind of day that makes me smile.

I Love When a Plan Comes Together

It took us two hours but we finally did it. Thanks to my Princess for helping me with the heavy lifting ...

and then the real celebration ...

I love my life.

Happiness Is ...

Being able to eat meat again

Several consecutive days of beautiful weather

Booking my weekend spa getaway at this place. Anyone wanna go?

Finally buying my backyard swing and putting it up tonight

Knowing yourself

Having enough courage to take the first step

Love, in all its forms

Listening to the SOS Band (Cause I’m a Weekend Girl …)

I'm feeling really good right now. I'm not sure what it is but if I could put this ... what I'm feeling right now ... in a bottle I would. And everytime I get blue I would open the bottle and just get happy all over again.

Life is way too long to be sad or resentful or envious or angry or regretful or bitter. That's right folks, life is long. I've been around for forty-five years and no one can tell me that that isn't a long ass time. I am determined to make the next forty five the absolute very best.

You should too.

Following the Thoughts

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us. Ephesians 3:20

It's going to rain today but after the absolutely beautiful weekend we had, I don't even care. I hope it was nice out where you were ... because here at the beach we hit the 70s on both Saturday and Sunday. Spring has definitely arrived and I couldn't be happier.

My best friend for the past thirty years was in town this weekend. It's probably been about eight years since we've seen each other but we just fell right into step like a day hadn't past. That's why I love him so much. We often joke that if either of us were needy, our friendship would have ended years ago. That's just how we roll. He was here because he had to give a lecture at one of the universities in the area and decided to stay an extra day to hang out with me and the kids. He spent Friday night with my son (his godson). They went to dinner and got all caught up. He was there to listen to my son's goals and aspirations and provide the appropriate guidance ... the stuff he doesn't want to hear from his mother. On Saturday I took him and my daughter to my favorite bookstore and we had lunch and strolled along the harbor. Later that evening, my sister joined us and we went to the Oceanfront and we all had dinner together. Then we dropped off the kiddies and went to get some drinks.

It was the perfect day. There is nothing better than being surrounded by people who truly, honestly just love you.

He left on Sunday and I spent the day enjoying the sunshine. I did a little shopping, came home and sat in the backyard and finished The Lucky One. I made ribs for the kids for dinner. I had a stuffed portobello mushroom and some baked macaroni and cheese. I thought all weekend that I was going to just give up on the vegetarian thing but I'm still hanging in there. The restaurant that we went to on Saturday had a rockfish special that I really really wanted. Instead I asked my sister to order it and I had a pizza primavera. She said the fish was delicious. So was my pizza. It's only nine more days.

I registered my domain name for the bookstore today! Aaaaaaagh! I am going to do this. I was listening to Joyce Meyer today and she said something that I have always believed: Wherever the mind goes the man will follow. In other words, it all starts with a thought. Everything significant that I have ever accomplished in my life started with one simple thought. Publishing my book. Buying my house. Even having my kids. I thought about it and thought about it ... add in the appropriate action and viola! I'm not suggesting that it's magical. I'm not suggesting that it's easy. I am suggesting that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And there is no arguing with that, my friends. See that verse that I opened with? God is able to do more than I could even think or ask for. MORE. That verse knocks me out. It humbles me.

It's going to be a good week.

Sunshine and Happiness

Thanks to my girl the Believer for blessing me with the following awards:




The Sunshine Award for positivity and creativity that inspires others in the blogworld.

And the Happy 101 Award. My job is to list 10 things that make me happy and pass it on to 10 other Bloggers.

10 Things That Make Me Happy (in no particular order)

1. My Children

2. Date Night

3. Cooking

4. The beach

5. Quiet Time

6. Red Wine

7. Movies

8. Books

9. Curling up in front of the fireplace

10. Quality time spent with my man

All the bloggers that I follow and that are listed on my blogroll inspire me -- that's why I read them. So feel free to claim your award!

Have a great weekend.

Happy

I am so happy that some of my favorite bloggers are participating in the blog-everyday-for-30-days-deal. I, of course, am not ... but I'm thrilled that I'm guaranteed to have something interesting to read everyday. So, yeah ... thanks!

I Can See Clearly Now ...

Life is funny. Not funny ha-ha, but just funny.

They say that change is good. They say that change means growth and I’m all for growing but I also have to accept that there is a certain amount of pain associated with growth and change.

I see everyday things much differently through my forty-five year old eyes. Things seem much clearer. I used to believe that if I couldn’t figure out how to do something on my own than that meant that I wasn’t supposed to do it. I now realize that it’s important to learn how to increase the size of my team. No (wo)man is an island and I can’t do everything on my own.

November is filled with medical appointments. Filled, I say! Some for me, some for the kids. This happens every year around this time so I should expect to be poked and prodded but I just hate it. The good news is that my iron levels have increased significantly since February. The bad news is that the level is still slightly below what is considered healthy. So we’re trying something new to get it where it needs to be.

I’m tired of fighting with people. Just exhausted. People will tell you things because they think you’re crazy enough to believe anything. But is there really any point in arguing with someone like that? Where is the added value in that conversation? I just finished reading Russell Simmons’ book and my new motto regarding everything is, “Do You! Because I am definitely going to do me!” For real. I have too much to do to worry about foolishness. Way too much to do.

Life is good today. The sun is shining and my daughter is making dinner. Pause for reaction …

Here's something I read today that definitely has me thinking: No business book or business plan can predict the future or fully prepare you to become a successful entrepreneur. There is no such thing as the perfect plan. There is no perfect road or one less traveled. Never jump right into a new business without any thought or planning, but don't spend months or years waiting to execute. You will become a well-rounded entrepreneur when tested under fire. The most important thing you can do is learn from your mistakes--and never make the same mistake twice. (Scott Gerber, www.entrepreneur.com)

Was that for anyone else besides me? Tested under fire, huh? Sounds scary.

I feel like I’ll be blogging less frequently. I’m just not in the mood and most of what I write is being jotted down in the fancy journal that the Original OldGirl blessed me with. My Dream Journal. Journey to a Dream. Everything goes there so I feel like I don’t always have much left to share here. Oh well … you know how that goes.

Have a great rest of the week!