Thursday, August 19, 2010

I'm Disappointed

I have a list.

A list of 101 tasks that I have to complete in 1001 days.

Deadline: February 14, 2013

There are a bunch of fun and frivolous things on the list but there are also some serious things as well. In fact, the first thing on the list is to give blood.

I’ve told myself for years that I’m too terrified of needles and anxiety follows me every time I have my blood drawn. That was always my excuse for not giving blood. Fear.

You know what’s coming next, right?

I refuse to allow fear to control me!

Besides, if I can voluntarily get these tattoos and endure that kind of pain, I can certainly suck it up for a good cause and give blood. Right?

I’ve shared before my issues with my low iron levels. I have been faithfully taking my iron supplements, everyday twice a day for a few months in preparation for today’s blood drive. I knew that my levels would be acceptable and I would be able to check the box on my list and do a good thing too.

The lady pricked my finger and my iron level was not acceptable to donate.


I wanted to scream but instead I just sat there and cried. How could my levels not have increased? How could I have finally decided to conquer this fear and be prevented from moving forward?

Thankfully, God put someone in front of me who had some wisdom and compassion. She handed me some tissues and told me that my heart was in the right place and that was all that mattered. She reminded me that just because I had a plan today, that it clearly wasn't God's plan for me today. She said that God saw my heart. That was one of the few times that I had heard that expression and actually felt that it was sincere. She reminded me of the courage that it took to get on that blood mobile and volunteer. The Red Cross really needs blood and so many people don’t even consider donating. I used to be that person.

I’m going to keep taking my iron supplements but my doctor and I are going to have a serious talk come October.


Wanda said...

Oh Michele, she was so right, God knows what's in our hearts; He knows how badly you wanted to do it, but as the woman said, it wasn't in His plan for you today. Whatever His reason, you can rest in the knowledge that He knows what He's doing, and it's always what's best for us.

Love you lil Sis, and so proud of you!!

Diva (in Demand) said...

I understand your disappointment in not being able to follow through with your plan.....but I'm curious to know if you celebrated overcoming the fear itself enough to even have the plan?

Anonymous said...

You did it.....that's all that matters!! You overcame your fear....thats all thats important.

I agree GOD knows your heart and he is smiling....

dee in san diego

TJ said...

I just love reading about the ways that you kick fear's butt! I know this goal will be accomplished.

Anonymous said...

Don't drink water when taking the iron supplement. Drink some orange or apple juice. 100% fruit juice would be perfect. You need the Vitamin C to absorb the iron into the blood. Hope this helps.

Remnants of U said...

Yes, at least you overcame your fear to be there.

God keeps placing the right people around you when you need them. Amazing.