Take my cabinets for example. I took a few hours this weekend and switched out the handles. No big deal really.
You can hardly notice the difference. But I can. I like the change. It makes me feel good. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I smile every time I see what I did. I’m happier and everyone in my house reaps the benefit of that.
For years and years and years (seriously, years) my constant prayer has been for peace. Lord, I just want some peace. Searching for peace. Now, it seems kind of crazy to work so hard for something that I already had. Sort of like the scarecrow, tin man and lion. I just had to tap into it. I told you that since I came home from the spa I have added meditation to my morning ritual. I will not leave my bedroom in the morning without meditating. I need that quiet time. That small, subtle change has had a huge impact on me and that change flows throughout my world. I swear, I don’t think I’ve raised my voice once since I’ve been back. (Lord, if I’m wrong, please bring it to my remembrance).
I have peace.
During my lunch break on Friday I went shopping for my new handles. I also bought a small electric screwdriver/drill. Then I went to Target and bought a new camera. After work I picked up my daughter and took her to the mall because she needed leggings for her step show. Then we went to the grocery store. When we returned home, my son says, “Mom, is the A/C broken again?” I stepped inside the house and I knew the answer.
There are at least three things in the above paragraph that would normally have pissed me off: (1) It took forever to find the handles that I wanted (2) my daughter waited until the last minute to tell me she needed the leggings, and (3) the busted A/C. Well, I did find the handles that I wanted at a reasonable price. I have been raising teenagers long enough to know that waiting until the last minute is what they do. And thank God the temperature this weekend was mild enough that I probably would have turned off the A/C anyway and threw open the windows!
I had a choice to be pissed or not. I chose not. There is no point in getting all riled up over things that really just don’t matter.
I was in church yesterday and during praise and worship the tears just started flowing. It was crazy. I couldn’t control it and then I stopped trying to control it. I was just so happy with the realization that I have peace. That I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I am complete. I am whole. I didn’t have to do anything huge. I didn’t have to move to another state or get another job or come into a large sum of money. I just had to make a subtle change.