Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Turning it Off and Pushing Through

How do you do it?  How do you get your mind to settle down and relax?  Even when my body is at rest it seems like it takes my mind so much more time to come to a place of rest.  It’s exhausting.  I’m always thinking about what is coming next instead of dealing with what is happening now.  It’s like I’m constantly in a state of planning.  Today is April 10th but I currently have this weekend, May 3rd and June 29th on the brain.

I think back to when I was in Chicago last Fall and how good that felt.  To wake up without an alarm clock and to enjoy each day as it was happening.  I loved that trip.  I realize that everyday life is not a vacation but how cool would it be if I could hold on to the “vacation mentality” in my everyday life?

I’m doing everything I can in my everyday life to prepare for this competition and I’m fearful that I will forget to enjoy it along the way.  I don’t know if this is something that I will do again so I really want to enjoy it now.  How do you learn to enjoy waking up at 5:00 am and eating oatmeal for the 200th day in a row?  **shrugs**  I tell myself that this is what has to be done in order to reach this goal that I have set for myself.  I tell myself that this level of intensity is only temporary and once July gets here I’ll be able to breathe.  That’s what I tell myself. 

2013 was supposed to be easy.  Maybe I’m not built for “easy”.  I like having things to do but sometimes the voices in my head are screaming that maybe I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.  I know that’s not true.  I’m good.  I know I’m strong enough to handle this.  I’m willing to do the work, heck I want to do the work.  I want to push myself. I want to prove that I have what it takes to walk across that stage at 48 years old. 

I was in the gym this morning working hamstrings, calves and glutes and in the middle of all that I start having hot flashes.  I can’t tell you what that does to my head.  So what do I do?  I push through.  My life is a series of events where I have to push through.  I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer last summer.  Right now I’m thinking about her and wondering how she is able to push through each day.  She seems to be getting physically weaker but she has this unimaginable faith that allows her to push through.  Kind of puts things in perspective.

I’ve probably rambled enough for one post. 

1 comment:

Tarsha! ( said...

I've not mastered the art of putting my mind to rest hence my many, many sleepless/restless nights.

One thing I did notice during Lent was when I didn't have the unnecessary distractions (FB, Twittah, etc) I was FAR more productive. By completing lists of things to do I was able to rest a lot better and have time for things I wanted to do!