Walking and Thinking

I did something today that I don’t think I’ve ever done.  After work, I put on my tennis shoes and went for a walk.  Not a run – a walk.  I left my phone at home, put in my headphones and went walking.  I worked from home today and I needed to get out of the house and away from everything.  The weather was perfect, warm but not humid and a slight breeze.  It felt really good just to be outside and alone with my thoughts.  Not to mention the fact that I haven’t been to the gym in more than a week and I was beginning to feel like a slug.

As I was walking different things began to cross my mind.  Things like where I’ve been and where I’m going.  I hate to look backwards because I feel like it somehow stunts my progress but I realize it’s also necessary to examine the events of the past in order to make any necessary corrections. 

Here are some of the thoughts that ran through my mind on my walk:

All I’ve ever wanted in life was to live a peaceful existence.  I don’t like drama and if it is your intent to bring me drama you will be dismissed.  Perhaps, instead of instantly dismissing folks, maybe I should learn how to effectively deal with them without upsetting my own apple cart.  As I get older I have less patience for nonsense so this could be a challenge.  I really do believe that people are genuinely good and I should be able to give more of them the benefit of the doubt.

I need to stop second guessing myself.  I should give myself more credit in certain situations. I know what’s what and I’m not sure what stops me from moving forward with what I know. 

If my future is going to be all I know it can be, I have got to be a full participant in my life.  What do I mean by that?  I mean that I have to stop laying in the cut waiting for things to happen and then reacting.  I wasted more than six years (yes, I’m back there again!) in a relationship that should have been over after two!  I want to kick myself every single time I think about it.  I allowed someone else to call the shots.  I allowed fear to run roughshod over me.  Ugh!  What other people thought became a priority.  I don’t ever want to be that chick again.

I believe I have something to offer.  I want to inspire and encourage someone to do something they’ve never done before.  For years I know I’ve been regarded as “the selfish one” and that’s okay, I’ll take that.  Maybe I have been but I’ve always felt like if I didn’t take care of me, who would?  I’ll probably always have that mentality.  At the same time, I feel like I have so much to share.  Now is the time for me to do that.  I’m taking positive steps in the right direction.  A direction that I never thought I’d ever be going in but I’m going. 

I should go on walks more often.  I had this blank Word document open all day hoping for something to write about.  I walk two miles and BOOM all kinds of inspiration.