7 Whole Days

For the past week, I’ve been back in my hometown in the northeast.  I’m here for work and I am really enjoying myself.  Admittedly, I never thought I would actually like being here again.  Leaving Connecticut was a triumph but here I am.  Driving through these familiar streets causes a rush of memories to flood my brain.  It’s crazy in a really good way.  Home will always be home.

I’m also enjoying my new job.  I love being busy and I love feeling like I am contributing something valuable.  After working for a large corporation with thousands of employees nationwide it’s quite an adjustment working for a company with less than 60 people.  I am the only person of color and maybe that’s not strange in this town but I’m wondering what the Virginia office will look like when I start working down there.  I have a feeling it will be much of the same.  I can fit in anywhere – that’s not the issue – I’m just wondering if this company got the “diversity in the workplace” memo and ignored it.  I mean, in this industry it’s not odd to be in the minority but it’s been forever since I was the only one.

I’ve had plenty of time to think over the last week and I’ve made an interesting discovery.  Interesting to me at least.  At the end of last year while I was so desperately searching for a job I was under a lot of stress.  It was awful.  During this time, I met a guy and we really clicked and I liked spending time with him.  He kind of lessened the amount of stress I felt during my job search.  The week that I signed the offer letter for this job I ended that relationship.  One action had absolutely nothing to do with the other, that is just how it worked out.  It seems like I rarely have a good job and a good relationship at the same time, however, I have noticed that I experience a lot more stress when I don’t have a job then when I don’t have a man.  I’ve always said that my financial security was the most important thing in my life and I have yet to find a man that can provide that.  What does that say about me or who I'm attracting?  I love the company of a nice man -- I have an active online dating profile -- but if I had to choose between being with a good guy and wondering how my mortgage was going to get paid and being alone with a good job I think you know which one I’d choose.  

I remember when I was married to husband #2 and we were broke most of the time.  He told me once that we could live on love. The words of a young man in love.  Even then I was like, “No thank you.”  So when he started being dishonest about the finances I knew it was time for him to go.  I used to say jokingly that he could have slept with another woman, just don’t mess with my money.  I wonder now if I was actually joking or if I was deadly serious. 

Anyway, the past 7 days have been glorious.  One of my male co-workers took me to the gym on the base and I got in a great workout.  Everyone seems to be very friendly and helpful for the most part.  The plan was to stay here for a month but I believe I may be leaving next weekend.  I miss my own bed and my cat but I’m good either way.    I feel like all is right in the world again.