Back to Work

Today was my first day back after a week off. Surprisingly, it wasn't a bad day. Actually, it wasn't a surprise at all. I was prayed up and prepared for those folks. It was actually a pretty good day.

Of course, it can't be compared to my week off. I had such a good time. I woke up when I wanted to. I exercised during the day. I took little field trips and on Friday I got to get all cute for a fund-raising event.

See, getting cute is a big deal because I don't often do it.

Then on Sunday I made an awesome meal of barbecue chicken, collard greens and macaroni and cheese. Then I had a big piece of carrot cake for dessert. I did not make the carrot cake. Now you see why I work out so much. Food, glorious food!

Regarding yesterday's post, I'm calmer today and I will stay off of Webmd.com because that site will scare the hell outta you. I will attack these levels more aggressively but if they don't increase in the next six months I'm going to a hematologist.

This is the beginning of a wonderful week. What do you have going on?

Answered Prayer

He's okay! He's okay! He's okay!

The doctor didn't see anything. Nothing. Woo-hoo! We'll follow up with our doctor next week to determine next steps, but for right now ... I'm doing a happy dance.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Remember that? It was the first prayer that I ever learned …

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
God Bless Mommy, Daddy …

And a whole list of other people.

As I got older I didn’t pray as much because I told myself that I didn’t know how. After I moved to Boston I learned quickly how to cry out to God.

Get me outta this mess!
Lord, if you save me from this, I swear I’ll be in church every week!
Help!

My prayers had turned into constant cries for help. I made bargains with God on a regular basis. After I left Boston and moved back to Connecticut me and God didn’t really talk that much except for the occasional time that I would thank Him for the food I was about to receive.

I don’t think it was until after I got divorced the first time in 1990 that I started to have regular talks with God. Looking back on it, if I had consulted Him before I got married … things may have been different. Anyway, after that I spoke to God a lot. I asked Him for help with my son. I asked Him for help in my finances. I asked Him for everything.

That was our relationship. Me taking and Him giving. Sounds a little lopsided, don’t you think?

Then at some point I began to realize that God would not only provide me with material or tangible things but He would also provide the intangible things like,

Peace (Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27)

and comfort (I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you John 14:18)

and strength (The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. Psalms 18:2).

Then I realized that nothing could separate me from His love. I am always protected. Even when I didn’t know I was protected, He was right there.

Now, my prayers are more personal and more frequent. They are conversations. It’s more me thanking Him and giving Him praise. I have every material thing I need, so these days I ask for things like wisdom and guidance. I ask Him to bless the ones I love. I thank Him for just being God.

Prayer comes easier these days. When you know who you are and more importantly, whose you are, it’s very easy to be grateful for the gift of life. It’s easy to not get so caught up in the day to day. It’s easy to just … be.

The following is from The Message version of the Bible. Romans 8:31-39:

So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one. None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.

Enough said.

It Is What It Is

It is what it is.

Know that for me, this is not a statement of indifference but of acceptance. In the recent past I have made more of an effort to actually accept certain unpleasant situations instead of fighting against them. Especially if it is a situation that is beyond my control. I'm learning that fighting against something only makes that something stronger. And me, subsequently, weaker. I'm done. It is what it is.

My teenagers don't want to have anything to do with me. They would notice if I weren't here but for the most part they could care less. I accept the fact that they are no longer infants, toddlers or young children. They have their own opinions and their own lives. I get it. I also know that one day they will come back to me. But for now ... it is what it is. My life will will take on a more peaceful quality if I stop trying to force them to ... I don't even know what. It's not that I don't care because I do but I accept the fact that they are getting older and are more independent.

I've given up the illusion that I'm on some career fast-track. First of all, I'm not even doing what I love to do. I have been doing it for more than ten years because I have obligations to meet and I'm good at it. But it's not my passion. Secondly, in my company's history no one has ever been promoted from within. I thought I would but the rug got pulled out from underneath me and I shouldn't have been surprised. In the last ten months, we probably have had in excess of one dozen new hires ... seven of those were middle-aged white men. One of those men will be my new boss. I'm not pulling the race card, I'm just saying. But it is what it is. For years, I would view this as an injustice and I would make plans to leave ... sending out resumes, scouring the net, all that. But in each place that I ended up, the story would be the same--except I would have a bigger paycheck. There is no perfect job as long as you are working for someone else. I will not fight against the machine known as corporate America. Instead, I will take steps to turn my passion into my vocation and in the meantime allow the corporate world to continue paying my mortgage.

Over the weeked my guy told me the story of how he turned his passion into his vocation and it started about twelve years ago when he picked up a guitar. He was patient and diligent and it paid off. Not quickly but it did. He wakes up everyday knowing that he is going to do what he loves to do. During the story he said, "passion propels progress". I know he didn't make that up but he shared it with me and I'm sharing it with you.

It is what it is is an interesting sentiment and it's probably easier said than done in many situations. Earlier today my mother called to tell me that my father had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. They don't know what's wrong with him. He had trouble breathing and they found some kind of mass around his lungs. He's in ICU. How do I accept that? I can't go to sleep because as long as I am awake I believe he'll be okay. If you know how to pray please pray for my father.

It is what it is? Not this time.