Tuesday, January 15, 2008

(Not so) Amazing Discoveries

I don't know everything.

There I said it. Satisfied? I don't know everything.

You know, admitting that can be pretty liberating. I've lived for nearly forty-four years believing I knew everything. Even if I didn't really believe it I convinced myself and everyone around me that it was true. The problem with that is the pressure that goes along with knowing everything. It means you can never make a mistake. And the mistakes that you do make have to appear to be things that you meant to do. What a drag.

On Christmas Day I ended a four and a half year relationship for no good reason at all. By the way, with the relationship experience that I have, I have absolutely no skills when it comes to breaking up with someone. I suck at it. So for several weeks, I'm miserable because I handled the situation so badly and he's miserable and wondering what the heck happened. Finally, a couple of days ago, when we were both calm, we had an adult conversation. I (actually) apologized for handling the entire thing the way that I did. He (actually) apologized for saying some awful things to me out of anger. We discussed the real problem, had a few drinks and made up. Is it wise to make up over a few drinks? Who knows.

Before I realized that I didn't know everything I would have stood my ground, swore up and down that I was right and walked away from a near-perfect guy. Stupid.

It's okay to be wrong. It's okay to apologize. It's okay to start over. It's okay.

With love,


lyre said...

YAY! I'm glad you're back and glad that you made up! I missed you. It's humbling to admit that we aren't infallible. Sometimes we need to eat a little humble pie and to realize that just because we've lived and survived mess, doesnt mean we know everything. The fact that you've realized that opens your legacy to great things! You are on your way Chele!

Aunt Jackie said...

I'm soo glad you're back!

looking lovely as ever, thank goodness for making up, it's far better than breaking up!!

SP said...

I'm so glad that you are doing ok now. It takes a strong person to realize their mistakes. I'm glad you two got back together.

prioritybooks said...

What are you so afraid of? He's a good man! Supposely they are hard to find. Hang in there! Glad that you are back and that you and your man are back together.

Rose said...

Happy New Year and welcome back.

LadyLee said...

So happy that that Original Oldgirl Chele is back:)

Man oh man, When I was around 29 years old, I realized that I didn't know JACK! That is the point when I learned to listen to others, to weigh options, and to humble up... that's when things started to change for the better...

Again, glad you are back!

nikki said...

man, i wouldn't have been able to come back if you weren't here!

this entry typifies why it is i love reading your thoughts because not many folk admit to not knowing everything. it's just as you say...the 'mistakes' are disguised as 'deliberate' and that keeps all kind of pressure on. glad you've shed that cloak and are free to do you, mistakes and all.

Sharon said...

Welcome back Chele!

I have missed you so much and when I finally came back and found you were gone I felt like I had lost the friendship of someone I knew personally. I too am happy to have been wrong!

After all that I went through in 2007 in terms of the crashing and burning of my relationship, I am oh so happy that you are actively finding a way to preserve yours! I wish you both the best and simply can't wait until I find something worth working to preserve ;)

Please don't go away again and if you do, please don't stay gone for long!

DJ Diva said...

She's Baaaaack...I missed you Chele. And now your comment makes sense. In this life we try and try to get it right. Communication makes all the difference...and sometimes you need a few drinks to muster the courage to say what you REALLY wanna say. Kudos to you guys for trying to work it out when it's so much easier to say "The hell wid it" LOL

Do you mind if I link you?

CreoleInDC said...

You can make up any way you want to...just so you feel good about the end result. If this was your heart's desire...I'm happy for you.