What is it they say about "time" and "wounds"?

I pulled into the driveway yesterday after work only to find my ex-husband pulling up at the same time with our daughter in tow. He has a habit of popping in without warning and I’ve learned to not let it bother me.

He gets out of his car and greets me with, “Hey Beautiful!”

We’ve been divorced for 10 years and I’m amazed that we can go from complete and utter hatred for each other to “Hey Beautiful!”

I’m not sure when the change occurred. It was definitely a gradual shift. I guess I decided to stop being bitter and he decided to stop being completely full of sh*t.

I wouldn’t say that we are friends exactly. I’ll say we understand each other more than we ever have and leave it at that. Our daughter is graduating high school this summer and after that, I really can’t think of a reason for us to ever communicate. Until her college graduation. Then her wedding.

Time is an amazing thing. It really does allow for healing and forgiveness. It gives us distance and allows us to view circumstances more objectively.
If you are in the midst of a challenging situation … just give it some time.

Lost

Someone asked me recently if I missed the feeling of getting lost in someone.

You know that feeling ... your every waking moment is consumed with thoughts of that person. When they are not around it's almost as if part of you is missing. Their smile brightens up your day. You feel like you can't exhale until you hear their voice.

Do I miss it?

Not
one
bit

I'm not cold or devoid of all human emotion but I've discovered that those feelings that I've described above are fleeting. My life is filled to the brim with those kinds of moments and yet I go to sleep at night and wake up each morning alone.

I want something concrete. Something that is going to last longer than just until the sweat dries.

I did a video about getting lost and subsequently going through the process of finding myself. I don't ever want to be lost again. I want to maintain who I am and be with someone who appreciates who I am and doesn't expect me to do back flips in order to be in his world.

I'm too old to do back flips.

Open Mouth Insert Foot

Him: I don’t think I’ve taken a vacation in about two years. At the end of the year I always have a bunch of use-or-lose leave that I end up losing or donating.

Me: That’s nuts. I take a vacation every year. I’d die without my time off.

Him: I guess I’m just backwards. I’m not going to waste my leave if I’m not leaving the state.

Me: You need your time off to rejuvenate. You work hard every day you should give yourself a break.

Him: I guess.

Me: I take small trips every year but my next big vacation will be to Italy. I was supposed to go this year but I changed my mind.

Him: Why’d you change your mind?

Me: Because I didn’t want to travel out of the country alone. But I’m definitely going in the next three years even if I have to go alone. (pause) Wanna go?

Him: (No pause) Sure I’ll go!

See what happened there? A perfectly good friendly conversation gone awry.

The ridiculously, hopeless romantic part of me thought this would be perfect. Ten days in romantic Tuscany and at the end of the trip we would realize how much we have always loved each other and we would come back to the states and live happily ever after.

The logical, smarter side of me realizes what a huge mistake the invitation was. We’ve been apart for more than twenty years and our lives are not fairy tales. What was I thinking?

Me: Don’t make me a promise that you can’t keep because I’ll end up hating you. Take some time to think about it.

Him: You’re right. I certainly don’t want you to hate me, so I’ll think about it.

Me: Okay. Do some research and get back to me.

He’s a lot more logical than I am. He’ll make the right decision. If not for himself, then he’ll make the right decision for me. That’s just the kind of person he is. I told him once that our telephone conversations made me uncomfortable because we always wound up on Memory Lane and I hate Memory Lane. So, he stopped calling as frequently and he makes an effort to keep the conversations in the present.

Do you ever need someone else to be “the strong one” because you just can’t? That’s me when it comes to him.

I can be such a girl.

Just A Rant from a Very Frustrated Woman

All this Arnold business is making me physically ill. It’s like each month I wonder who will be at the center of the next cheating scandal. It makes me weary.

For real.

Why?

Because I want to get married again. That’s right, I said it. I want to believe that I can have a happy, successful marriage with a man that doesn’t cheat. But my faith in faithful men is waning. Do they even exist? If so, tell me where so I can move there. I am so serious right now.

After my last relationship ended, my Pastor told me, “Michele, all men don’t cheat.” Hmph. I said to myself, “Well, they all cheat on me.” Then the devil got in my head and told me that it was my fault that I attract cheaters. There is something in me that attracts the kind of man that cheats.

Excuse my language (or don’t) but that is complete and utter bullshit. Men are going to do what men are going to do and it has absolutely nothing to do with the women that they are with. F*ckers.

Men suck.

Not really. But I am just so pissed off and frustrated right now. Yesterday, I came to the conclusion that ALL MEN CHEAT. And since I desire to be with a man does that mean that I have to suck it up and accept a cheating man? Is that what that means? Really? iCan’t. I just cannot. I really, really would rather be alone with my B.O.B (google it) than lie down with an unfaithful man.

Woosah.

After yesterday’s rant (to myself) I repented. I know that God is faithful and He is bringing love to me. I know He is. I asked God this morning why He couldn’t just bring the guy to me now. I was actually whining like a two-year old. God spoke to me loud and clear and said, “Because if I bring him to you now you wouldn’t trust him. You’d treat him unfairly and you’d run him off. You have got to learn how to trust. You have to believe that all men are not liars and cheaters. Be patient.”

Ugh.

No Exes

Good bye February. I’m not sorry to see you go. Thanks for getting up to 78 today.

I celebrated the end of February by taking the day off. I really needed a long weekend. Not sure why. I just needed it so I took it. I stayed in bed until about 10:00 and after showering and dressing I went to the Christian bookstore to pick up the workbook for my next study. Then I traveled to the MAC counter because I needed a few things to maintain my cute. Then I went to Sears to replace my broken DVD player. I came home and baked a chocolate chip quick bread and cleaned out the fridge of any leftovers that I know that no one will eat. Then I took a nap.

Pretty full day. I love unscheduled days off.

So, since Christmas time I’ve been communicating with a 20-year old ex. That would be someone I dated 20 years ago who has resurfaced. If you know me, you know that I do not maintain relationships with exes. I don’t see the point. If you are an ex, you need not to exist anymore. For real.

For some reason though … I really enjoy talking to him. We didn’t end badly. We both made mistakes and agreed that we should go our separate ways. Probably the best breakup I’ve ever had. If you can rate breakups that is.

Anyway, our conversations range from being completely on-the-surface to quite personal. We are not guarded when we speak to each other. Whatever is on our minds, comes out during the conversation. He told me he stopped drinking and I told him that I was celibate. We discuss our families, our jobs, past relationships. There doesn’t seem to be anything that is off limits. Sometimes we stroll together down memory lane and I’m not always sure if that’s a good idea. He likes to remind me of the girl I was twenty years ago. That girl was fun and sexy and ... fun. He was head over heels in love with that girl. That girl is gone. So far, the conversations are relatively harmless. I say “relatively” because sometimes after we hang up I allow myself to wonder … what if.

What if after all these years we are finding our way back to each other?

That notion is too romantic even for the sappiest of romantics.

I’ve never been friends with an ex. And I think that is because it is my belief that exes are exes for a reason. And in my experience when an ex resurfaces it’s because he thinks he can hit it again. Right or wrong that’s my truth.

With all that being said, I’m grateful for his friendship. I’m glad he made contact. I’m also glad he lives far, far away. Several states away. I am only human, after all.

My Project and a Little Story

It’s Friday and I’m exhausted from being all deep. So I decided to lighten things up a bit.

I said I needed a project so my hair is my new project. This is Friday’s hair.



I am so regretting the fact that I cut my hair so my project is to get it back to shoulder length by my next birthday in October. Hopefully, I can at least get it into a ponytail by summer. So that means, protective styles, no heat, deep conditioning and supplements. I won’t bore you with updates and all that, because really, who cares besides me?

So this week I was told a story:

There’s this guy who is dating three different women. No one in in this scenario is delusional enough to believe that there is any exclusivity on anyone’s part. They are all just pretty much doing their own thing and they all seem to be satisfied with the situation.

The guy is concerned because one of the women, the one who is in the #1 position, seems to be getting a little attached. They’ve been seeing each other for about two years and even though she says this is a perfect situation for her, her actions seem to contradict this. He says he’s concerned because he doesn’t want her to wake up one day with regrets because she wasted so much time on him because she thought he would change. She thinks she can wait him out.

He says he’s told her his concerns but she protests vehemently and says she’s fine. He feels bad because he knows she’s going to get hurt in the end.

Should he take her at her word and keep seeing her or cut her off altogether?

Don't you just love a good moral dilemma?

What is Wrong with this Picture?

Someone told me a story yesterday. It’s the story of a married woman who is dealing with the fact that her husband has cheated on her. She found out at the beginning of the year and apparently the couple is still together and working on their marriage. It was with someone that he works with. Someone that he still works with. Everyday. Recently, the wife called the husband’s job and the “other woman” answered the phone and the wife, upon hearing her voice, hung up in her face. The husband called the wife and cussed her out for her being rude.

What is wrong with this picture?

Hey, Over Here!

I’m back from Charleston. Nice town. I didn’t get to see much of it because I was there for business. Arrive Monday night, leave on Tuesday night. I prefer quick business trips like that because I’m not away from the kingdom for very long but they wear me out. I missed my meditation session this morning because my body just needed to rest. I lay in the bed and watched the clock and reminded myself that I need to be kinder to myself. For me, mediation will never be an obligation but will always be something that I enjoy and benefit from.

Anyway, the trip itself, although short was quite productive. The intent was to smooth some feathers (which I did not ruffle) and stroke some egos. Due to some recent realignments I am now responsible for this area so I went down there to meet the folks that I’d be supporting and find out what their needs are. The recurring theme? “Don’t ignore me.” These folks were not shy about letting me know that they felt somewhat ignored by my predecessor. Some exercised diplomacy while discussing the matter. Others were just blunt about it. I do not have a problem with folks being direct, however, my predecessor’s reputation was being sullied and it gave me food for thought: If I slip up, they won’t have a problem trashing me either.

I’ve been supporting them for the past two weeks and they have done nothing but sing my praises. It was still important to get down there and make sure that they know that I’m making them a priority. Shake hands. Smile. Listen intently. The typical dog-and-pony show. Blech.

The whole thing got me to thinking. Remember the scene in Fatal Attraction when Glenn Close says, “I’m not going to be ignored, Dan!” Well, we all know what happened there. My point is, people in relationships, whether they be romantic, familial, or business just want to know that they aren’t being ignored. That their efforts are not being taken lightly. They want to know that they are appreciated. Usually it doesn’t take much to let someone know that they are important. That their concerns will not go unnoticed.

So what’s the take-away? Don’t ignore the people in your life. That is, if you want them to stay in your life.

Love and Commitment

Someone very close to me recently discovered that her husband of many, many years had an affair. As you may imagine it was a devastating discovery. I watched my friend go through a myriad (nice word) of emotions: sadness, anger, bitterness, self-loathing, hatred. The list goes on. She has finally come to the point where she has accepted what has happened and believes that it was not her fault. In the process, she lost eighteen pounds in a month due to the stress. She’s finally to the point where she can eat a complete meal. She and her husband are working on their marriage and it really seems as though they are going to get through this.

My friend told me that she was not ready to walk away from her more than 20-year commitment. I (as a twice-divorced woman) never, not once advised her to leave him. Never. When she asked me what I would do, I responded with, “You can’t do what I would do.” She looked at me thoughtfully and agreed. We’re two different people and what works for one won’t necessarily work for another. She freely admits that she doesn’t know when/if she’ll ever be able to trust him again but they both are committed to saving their marriage.

I admire the hell outta her.

Why?

Because even though I’m not sure I have the strength or courage to do what she is doing, I have to applaud her for it. It’s easy to cut and run. It’s easy to say, “He doesn’t love or respect me so I’m gone.” That stuff is easy. Staying in the midst of the most horrifying disappointment is hard. Looking in the face of the man you love and seeing visions of him with another woman … and still not leaving. Yeah, that shit is hard.

Over the years I have learned plenty from my friend. I always believed that if there was a Marriage 101 course to be taught, she could teach it. Yet, even though by anyone’s standards, she was the perfect wife … her husband still strayed. I will never understand that mess. Ever. If it could happen to her …

Anyway, I’ve always known (maybe not always) that there was a difference between love and commitment. I’ve blogged about the fact that my commitment just wasn’t strong enough in either of my marriages. When the love ended … I was ghost. During my quest to live without fear, I am placing a helluva lot of emphasis on my commitment to my current relationship (because running away is a sign of fear). Over the almost seven years that we’ve been together, I thought it was over plenty of times. Plenty. But it’s different now. Our love is different. Our commitment is growing stronger. We have so much to look forward to and I like imagining our future together. We have our moments and Lord knows on most days he gets on my daggone nerves but I cannot imagine it any other way. I have to remind myself often of my commitment. Not my love, but my commitment.

It’s all lovely and logical but I still find myself wrestling with the idea of commitment. In a perfect situation, commitment is not solely about the other person. It’s about the relationship. Honoring the relationship, the union. Theoretically, there shouldn’t be a problem that two people in a committed relationship cannot work through. Given that they are both willing. I’d like to believe that I am.

Merge

How do you successfully merge your life with someone else’s? Not just the merging of belongings but of habits, lifestyles, etc.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I know it’s not impossible. Surely, it can be done but when I think about it for too long it just seems like a huge undertaking.

For example:

Me
Morning person
Work a regular 9-5 with weekends free
Raising two teenagers
More laid back when it comes to household chores
Planner

Him
Night person
Self-employed, generally works afternoons, evenings and weekends
Never been married/No children
Rigid when it comes to doing things around the house
Spontaneous

My biggest concern is the fact that he has no idea what it is like to live with teenagers. He may be used to finding things exactly where he left them. Unfortunately, with kids in the house that is not always the case. (i.e., “Didn’t I just buy that box of Wheat Thins?”) I understand that there will be compromises to make but again, this just seems like a huge undertaking. I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced … least of all my kids. They like how things are and they didn’t ask for their lives to be disrupted. Sometimes I think we’ve lasted almost six years because we don’t live together.

How do people make this work?

My Air

I was speaking with a friend yesterday about her relationship. She's been happily married for 20 years to a wonderful man. She said something that surprised me though ... "I have to get something of my own because I can't keep allowing him to be my air." She harbors a lingering fear that he's going to leave. Logically, she knows he ain't going nowhere. In twenty years he has never done anything to give her any reason to believe that he would leave but still the fear hovers around her like a dark cloud. I told her that it doesn't matter how much stuff of her own she gets ... if he leaves, none of it will mean a thing. And I know from experience because I have tons of "my own stuff" but when he was gone I didn't care about any of it.

DWTS

This is a deviation for me but I was thinking about this last night while watching Dancing With the Stars ...

If you don't watch the show just bear with me for a moment because I actually have a point.

The contestants are always a mixture of folks who actually have some talent and folks who just plain suck. You can usually tell from the first episode who belongs to which group. This season Steve Wosniak (Founder of Apple Computers) and Steve-O (from Jackass fame) are two guys with no rhythm and are really just sort of funny to watch. But don't get it twisted ... they cannot dance. Wosniak received the lowest judges' score in DWTS history and Steve-O went blank in the middle of the dance routine.

So, I'm wondering why after three weeks and two eliminations they are both still in the competition.

The two couples that find themselves in the "bottom two" have to participate in a dance off in order to determine who stays and who goes. The judge's scores are combined with the viewer votes to determine the final score. The first week Wosniak had to dance off against Belinda Carlyle (from the Go-Go's). They were both weird and awkward but Belinda lost and had to go home. Last night, neither Wosniak or Steve-O were even in the bottom two ... Holly Madison (from The Girls Next Door) and Denise Richards (pictured) had to compete in the dance off. Again, they are not strong dancers but I don't believe they should have been in the bottom two while the Steves were still hanging around.

What happened?

Okay here's my point: I'm sure that the majority of the people that vote are women. It just seems to me that women will not support other women. Why is that? I see so many examples of this behavior in my everyday life and it just blows me away. Why won't we support each other? We don't do it at work, we compete with each other for men, we seem to always be one-upping each other and in the most catty ways. I hate it. That explains why recently I've been hearing more and more women say, "I don't have any girlfriends". I say it too. In "real life" I have my sister and that's pretty much it. I have cyber friends that know more about me than most people in real life and that makes me scratch my head. It's true that it's mostly surface information ... I mean you don't know what makes me cry or the last time I shed a tear. You don't know my greatest fear or what keeps me up at night. I don't think we ever really valued or even learned the importance of cultivating female alliances.

Why is it so difficult for women to forge true, meaningful relationships with other women?

Duh!

So I keep seeing these promos for He’s J.ust No.t That In.to You and the thing that keeps echoing in my head is: Really? I don’t mean no harm but are women really that dense? Do women really believe that if a man is aloof and acting like he’s uninterested than that means that he really is? Really? When I was younger I may not have known a lot about men but I did know a lot about self-preservation. I don’t put forth the effort if I don’t anticipate some kind of reciprocation. I have never put myself out there like that. I’m not willing to be humiliated because there might be a slim chance that some dude will grace me with a phone call. Huh? I love me way too much. Yes, I have been duped (married a bigamist, remember?) and every relationship has not been a success but I have never run behind some man. When I was a kid my mother told me that “girls don’t call boys” and when I didn’t listen to her and called my boyfriend anyway, you know what his mama told me? She said, “Don’t call here. If he wants to talk to you he’ll call you.” That’s when I knew that my mama was right and that is one piece of advice that I have always adhered to.

2,381 Days

The first two years were magical. We spent so much time talking and getting to know each other … and really getting to know each other. I knew I had found the one. Then in the beginning of the third year he betrayed me. At least that’s how I saw it. It was horrible and I didn’t understand how I could have misjudged his character so badly. Later that year I decided to give him a second chance but it took the entire fourth year to rebuild the trust. We moved into the fifth year and things were nice. Calm and peaceful but still a little unsettled. We were never able to recapture the magic that we enjoyed in those first two years. Now we are approaching the sixth year and I can honestly say that we have something better than magic. We have trust and honesty and comfort. We know each other and we depend on each other. Dare I say it … we need each other. We aren’t still figuring things out. We have it figured out: relationships take work. Real, hard, work. They don’t become perfect overnight ... that is, if they ever become perfect. In love there are no guarantees. I read somewhere this week that real love is about compromise and forgiveness. Admittedly, those have never been two of my strong suits. To me, compromise was too much like surrender and forgiveness only meant that I would give you another chance to hurt me. No thank you. With age truly comes wisdom. I’m not perfect and I try not to do anything to intentionally hurt someone but if I slip I would ask to be forgiven. I can’t always have everything my way and I’m too old to be pouting like a two-year old so I have learned the art of compromise. It’s amazing what you can learn in 2,381 days.

Leave it in the Past

I don't appreciate the attempts of others to manipulate me. Especially from someone who isn't even smart enough to do it in a subtle manner. It insults my intelligence and just plain pisses me the hell off.

I had the misfortune of being confronted with my past yesterday. When I saw the name on my phone I almost didn't answer it but I figured ... what the hell? Apparently, this person just read my novel for the first time and wanted to call and congratulate me and tell me how much they enjoyed it ... blah blah blah. This person begins to tell me about specific parts of the book and tells me which section was his favorite. I was cordial. I thanked him and was ready to get off the phone. He tried to drag out the conversation but I was so not interested. Thank you for the compliment but we really have nothing to say to each other.

Why the hell did this ignorant fool send me a text at 2:00 a.m. talking about he was so impressed and he couldn't stop thinking about me and now he's looking at me through different eyes? I deleted that boosheet and went back to sleep but when I woke up I was irritated for having my sleep interrupted.

First of all, if you are texting me at 2:00 a.m. you are not looking at me through different eyes. You are looking at me through the same disrespectful eyes that you have always looked at me through.

Secondly, did you honestly believe that a little bit of flattery was going to make me forget all that has gone down?

And third, take off the rose-colored glasses ... I'm still the same evil b*tch that left you eight years ago.

Stay the hell off my phone.

Caught Off Guard.

When was the last time you were surprised?

It's been quite a while for me. Until Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday. And we all know what Tuesday is ... let's say it together:

DATE NIGHT!

So, we're at one of our favorite spots and we're just talking. Nothing earth shattering. Nothing too deep. Before I continue, let me say this: in our relationship my guy has always been the emotional one and I have always been the logical one. That's just how it is and we accept it.

During our conversation, somehow we got on the subject of death and he said that he wouldn't be able to function if something happened to me. I said in my most logical voice, "Well, figure it out because I'm gonna die. We're both gonna die. I'm not saying that I wouldn't be affected if something happened to you but I know it's going to happen." Pause. "Have you ever seen that commercial about learning how to do things without cigarettes? I'd have to relearn how to make it through each day without you." Pause. "Tuesdays would be rough ... I don't know ..."

Then it happened.

I broke down in tears and couldn't get control of myself.

WTF?

When I finally pulled myself together he said, "Now you know how I feel all the time. Now you see why I keep talking about getting married."

Then I said, "Fine, let's get married tomorrow."

While we did not get married the next day, I am considering it more seriously. Not because he's gonna die, but because I love him and I should marry him.

Caprese or Bruschetta?

Last night was date night and I must say, it was fab-u-lous! I don't write about date night every week because they are not always fab-u-lous.

For example, last week we went to some fru-fru seafood place in Town Center and I hated it. The food was okay, the service was okay, the atmosphere was okay and it was overpriced. We don't mind paying whatever for food ... because we love to eat ... but if everything is "just okay" than the prices should reflect that.

And the week before that, B decided that he would have a long liquid lunch with one of his buddies so when it came time to have date night, he was slurring his words and he ruined it for me. So I took a pass and went on home.

So, it's not always perfect. But last night ... oh last night ... we went here and it was just wonderful. Date night is alive and well in Virginia Beach. We had heard about Eurasia for a while but last night was the first time we had actually gone. The place is small, quaint, cozy, intimate (insert your favorite adjective here) and from the moment we walked in I felt comfortable.

They have a large wine selection but if you prefer to buy a bottle from the adjacent wine shop (at retail), Eurasia will open, present and pour it for you for a $10 corkage fee.

The night did not go off without some confusion. I ordered bruschetta and thought I was eating caprese. "What's the difference?" you may be asking. Or, maybe you are more sophisticated than me and you already know the difference.

This is bruschetta:

and this is caprese:

I got confused because my brushetta wasn't served on giant pieces of bread. The bread was thinly sliced and they added fresh mozzarella and I had to use a knife and fork. So the whole time I thought I was eating caprese. Except it was warm and caprese is served cold.

You don't care do you?

Neither did I because whatever you call it, it was fantastic. And that was just the salad. I ordered grilled scallops with garlic mashers, arugula and a sweet tomato jam ... hoooooney ... I'm trying to tell you. B ordered a BLT steak salad ... which was big enough for a big man. We both had wine ... I had a fume blanc and he had pinot noir.

Everything was perfect. The food, the wine, the atmosphere, the service, the company. Especially the company. I'm pretty sure I mentioned this before but the reason we established date night was to ensure that we spent "real" time together. We are both busy and his weekends are almost always tied up with work. It's hard to find the time but I noticed that if we don't spend regular time together I feel lonely and disconnected from him and there is nothing worse than feeling lonely while you're in a relationship. So, date night was born. It's important. It's vital. It's mandatory. Tuesdays are not always perfect. They're not always fab-u-lous but as long as we continue to make the effort than I believe that we won't go wrong.

Annoyances

I came across this article which lists 8 things that men do to annoy their women.

Here's my take:

1. You don't pick up after yourself at my place: Not an issue. He doesn't treat my place like his place.

2. You ask how much my new haircut or handbag costs: Yeah ... this gets on my last nerve. I work every day and I'm not asking you for any money so why do you care that I spend $75 every six weeks for a facial, or that I bought another pair of shoes, or that I pay a guy to keep my lawn green? Seriously, why do you care?

3. You talk to me as if I'm one of the guys: Unless he's calling the guys "sweetie", "honey", and "baby" ... this is not an issue.

4. You speak of the future vaguely: Not an issue. In fact, this is probably something that annoys him about me!

5. You stop trying: Absolutely not an issue. He tries very hard to keep it fun and satisfying for me. He wanted me to meet him after work for dinner on Tuesday and when I suggested that I go home first to change clothes (I was wearing a suit) he said that I didn't have to worry about that. When I got to his house he had bought two dresses for me to choose from ... they were both beautiful and appropriate ... he never stops trying.

6. You blatantly look at porn: Yeah ... he does. Sometimes I'll watch it with him but most of the time ... not so much. But hey ... what he does in his house is his business ... just don't bring it over to my house.

7. You turn down sex: Um ... no.

8. You ask me out via text: He never has to ask me out. We have an understanding.

So I guess this list must have been aimed toward someone else because there was only one thing that really bugged me. Or I just have it really good.

Overheard at the Kingdom

Queen: I think I'd be able to tolerate my crappy job a lot better if I had you to come home to every night.

The Man That Would be King: You think so?

Queen: Yeah, I think so.

The Man That Would be King: Well when you know so, let me know.

Queen: (laughing) Why?

The Man That Would be King: So I can do something about it.


and a question: When was the last time a kiss from your s/o made you blush?

AutoPilot

Relationships cannot run on autopilot. How's that for another (not so) amazing discovery?

The problem with autopilot is that you don't know that you are there until you are there. I don't think anyone decides to stop working on their relationship. After a while complacency sets in, the routine takes over and the next thing you know ... autopilot. Which for some folks is not a bad thing. It's comfortable and there are no surprises. However, in my case it signalled to me that something was wrong. Something was missing. We were missing from our own relationship. It was weird. Time that was once set aside for each other was soon overcome by events.

Last night my guy and I were discussing ways to prevent falling back into autopilot. The word sacrfice kept creeping into the conversation. We agreed that in the past neither one of us were willing to really make the tough sacrifices for each other. We're taking steps to make changes. I'm going to stop thinking that I should be the center of his universe and he's going to be more sensitive to the fact that I need to be the center of his universe. :)

We have invested so much time into this and I remember the days when a quick glance from him would make me weak. I remember when I would plan my whole day around seeing him. I remember exactly why I fell in love with him. He hasn't changed ... he's still the guy I fell in love with. It's funny. I don't know why we think that this stuff gets easier with time or as you get older. It doesn't. Hopefully, we get smarter. I think I have. I feel better about what's coming.

With love,
chele