I wish I were one of those people that just does things because they need to be done. I guess I'm trying to say that I wish I was more proactive as opposed to being reactive. It seems like everything I do is in direct response to something that has been done. Know what I mean?
For example, I need to change careers. I'm totally burned out. But ... making a change like that involves a lot. I'm not going to list all the reasons why I haven't made the move because they sound like a bunch of bullshit excuses (and they are) and I really believe that excuses are tools of the incompetent.
The truth is that I've been feeling miserable lately. My discontent with my work is affecting every aspect of my life and instead of just doing something about it I'm waiting around thinking something is going to change. I have to do something about this. My fear is that my attitude will continue to spiral downwards, my boss will get sick of me and create some reason for me to be fired. I say "create" because even though I don't like what I'm doing, I'm pretty darn good at it. So they can't get me on job performance, attendance, insubordination, etc. The only thing they have on me is that I don't walk around smiling all damned day.
Doing something about it doesn't come easy for me. Yet logically I realize that I will continue to be miserable unless I do just that. I know what I want to do ... and it's a drastic change. Doing something means taking a huge leap of faith. This wouldn't be an issue if it were just me. I don't want to disrupt the entire kingdom because I've got a wild hair. Then again, if the Queen is unhappy the entire kingdom suffers anyway, right?
I work with a woman who has had some hard knocks. I know we all have our stories and I don't think she is any worse off than I am but she has allowed herself to become so bitter. It's written all over her face. Everyday it's the same thing. I don't want to be that. I'm not going to be that. So I have to ask myself: what're you gonna do about it?