Good Decisions

Happy Monday. Is that an oxymoron?

I remember hearing once that every decision that I’ve made over the years has led me to where I am right now. So, obviously it makes sense that every decision I make today will determine my situation in the future. If you have a goal it is important that every thing you do and every decision that you make is for the purpose of reaching that goal. To that end, I had a pretty productive weekend. I was able to enjoy a delicious lunch on the water and interview a restaurant manager for an upcoming review. I completed one of two reviews that are due this week. I visited another restaurant that I had previously reviewed and the management let me know that they were very pleased with the article I had written. The weekend felt like one big networking event. And I hate “networking” but I had a great time. Yesterday, I watched the majority of the No Reservations marathon. I know to some people that just sounds like typical couch potato behavior, but it was actually research.

I’ll be posting another review at Delicious! on Wednesday so I’m asking all you local lurkers (and I know you’re out there) to check it out and everyone please go over there and participate in the one-question survey on the right side of the page.

Have a great day and don’t forget to make your decisions count!

New Things

I watched yesterday's episode of Op.rah as many of you probably did. And she accomplished her task of getting me to think. At one point during the show I was feeling bad. Thinking to myself that I'm 44 and I'll never see 34 or 24 again. I only have one pair of jeans that fit me comfortably. I've started doing crunches again and I can only do 20 before I feel like I'm going to die! I remember when I could do 50 without breaking a sweat. I was really just thinking about some yucky stuff.

I shook that off pretty quickly and got back on track. Thank God I'm 44. Thank God I'll never see 34 or 24 again. Those were awful years! The fact is, I'm transitioning and historically I don't do well with transition. I've said this before so forgive the redundancy but my kids will soon be gone and I have to figure out what I'm going to do if I'm not being a full-time mother.

Please don't leave any comforting comments about how they'll always need me. I know that. I'm not concerned with that. I'm looking forward to waking up in the morning and finding my kitchen in the same state in which I left it the night before! I'm looking forward to the day when they are no longer financially dependent on me ... I'm thinking at least seven years. (Of course, my 38-year old brother just moved back in with my parents ... so I may be wishful thinking.) My issue is with what I AM GOING TO DO when that day comes.

So far, I have one idea: I love to eat and I love to write and I live in a tourist trap. Maybe I'll write a restaurant guide. I'm already writing restaurant reviews for a local magazine so why not take it a step further? The more I think about it, the more giddy I become.

One of the things that stood out for me while watching B.ob Gre.ene talk about Op.rah was when he said that she learned the tools of survival but she never really learned how to live. That is my life in a nutshell. I am definitely a survivor but now I have to transition from surviving to living and it's not as easy as one may think.

How Do You Eat an Elephant?

Overheard:

“You have got to be in love with what you are doing in order for this to work.”

My response:

“You’re right. And I remember a time when I was in love with it. I remember clearly those days when I would jump out of bed in the morning because I couldn’t wait to see what new thing the day had in store for me. But with any long term relationship you have times when you’re not as in love as you once were. That’s okay, though isn’t? I’ve been in this “relationship” for 11 years and it hasn’t been all bad. On top of that … I am so good at what I do. Seriously. There is definite room for improvement and I know which areas I have to work on, but for the most part, I am good. Because of recent developments, I feel that excitement starting to build again. Could I be falling in love again?”

**sigh**

I don’t see how the pieces are all going to fall into place but it's just crazy enough to work. I don't have anything to lose. So, I'm going to attack this elephant one bite at a time.

First bite: start school in August.

What do you want your life to look like? Are you doing something now in order to make that picture a reality? Or, are you doing whatever you want and hoping that the pieces will fall into place?

Doing Something About It

I wish I were one of those people that just does things because they need to be done. I guess I'm trying to say that I wish I was more proactive as opposed to being reactive. It seems like everything I do is in direct response to something that has been done. Know what I mean?

For example, I need to change careers. I'm totally burned out. But ... making a change like that involves a lot. I'm not going to list all the reasons why I haven't made the move because they sound like a bunch of bullshit excuses (and they are) and I really believe that excuses are tools of the incompetent.

The truth is that I've been feeling miserable lately. My discontent with my work is affecting every aspect of my life and instead of just doing something about it I'm waiting around thinking something is going to change. I have to do something about this. My fear is that my attitude will continue to spiral downwards, my boss will get sick of me and create some reason for me to be fired. I say "create" because even though I don't like what I'm doing, I'm pretty darn good at it. So they can't get me on job performance, attendance, insubordination, etc. The only thing they have on me is that I don't walk around smiling all damned day.

Anyway ...

Doing something about it doesn't come easy for me. Yet logically I realize that I will continue to be miserable unless I do just that. I know what I want to do ... and it's a drastic change. Doing something means taking a huge leap of faith. This wouldn't be an issue if it were just me. I don't want to disrupt the entire kingdom because I've got a wild hair. Then again, if the Queen is unhappy the entire kingdom suffers anyway, right?

I work with a woman who has had some hard knocks. I know we all have our stories and I don't think she is any worse off than I am but she has allowed herself to become so bitter. It's written all over her face. Everyday it's the same thing. I don't want to be that. I'm not going to be that. So I have to ask myself: what're you gonna do about it?