Someone who I respect recently told me that my defensive nature was not serving me. Being suspicious and thinking everyone has an ulterior motive is holding me back. Both in my professional life and my personal life I walk around with an invisible barrier around me. I don't step around the barrier and I don't let anyone in my personal space. The problem with that is if I don't let people know and eventually trust me ... then I may be shutting myself out of opportunities that may be afforded to someone who is a bit more open.
I'm not talking about ass kissing or brown nosing. I'm talking about being cordial. I'm talking about not being the only person in the conference room with her arms folded and her eyes glued to the floor. Like I'm above it all and everyone else is wasting my time. I'm talking about learning to play the game and still being able to go home with my dignity.
I am changing. I know that I am changing because when I was told that my defensive nature was not serving me I actually took note of this observation. Funny. Six months ago I wouldn't have crossed the street to spit on this person if he were on fire. Now I'm taking note of his observations.
I'm bringing it down a notch. Everyone that comes into my office does not deserve to be greeted with a deep sigh and an impatient glare. Some do but not all of them. I'm making more of an effort to be helpful when I can. I'm remembering to say "thank you" when someone helps me. Little things. I can't keep hoping that someone will look through the barrier and actually see me. A little insecure. A little unsure. And trying desperately to cover up that fact. A few people have seen it but not many. Most people see the barrier and act accordingly. I'm my own worst enemy and it's time that I became my own best friend.