I watched yesterday's episode of Op.rah as many of you probably did. And she accomplished her task of getting me to think. At one point during the show I was feeling bad. Thinking to myself that I'm 44 and I'll never see 34 or 24 again. I only have one pair of jeans that fit me comfortably. I've started doing crunches again and I can only do 20 before I feel like I'm going to die! I remember when I could do 50 without breaking a sweat. I was really just thinking about some yucky stuff.
I shook that off pretty quickly and got back on track. Thank God I'm 44. Thank God I'll never see 34 or 24 again. Those were awful years! The fact is, I'm transitioning and historically I don't do well with transition. I've said this before so forgive the redundancy but my kids will soon be gone and I have to figure out what I'm going to do if I'm not being a full-time mother.
Please don't leave any comforting comments about how they'll always need me. I know that. I'm not concerned with that. I'm looking forward to waking up in the morning and finding my kitchen in the same state in which I left it the night before! I'm looking forward to the day when they are no longer financially dependent on me ... I'm thinking at least seven years. (Of course, my 38-year old brother just moved back in with my parents ... so I may be wishful thinking.) My issue is with what I AM GOING TO DO when that day comes.
So far, I have one idea: I love to eat and I love to write and I live in a tourist trap. Maybe I'll write a restaurant guide. I'm already writing restaurant reviews for a local magazine so why not take it a step further? The more I think about it, the more giddy I become.
One of the things that stood out for me while watching B.ob Gre.ene talk about Op.rah was when he said that she learned the tools of survival but she never really learned how to live. That is my life in a nutshell. I am definitely a survivor but now I have to transition from surviving to living and it's not as easy as one may think.