I watched yesterday's episode of Op.rah as many of you probably did. And she accomplished her task of getting me to think. At one point during the show I was feeling bad. Thinking to myself that I'm 44 and I'll never see 34 or 24 again. I only have one pair of jeans that fit me comfortably. I've started doing crunches again and I can only do 20 before I feel like I'm going to die! I remember when I could do 50 without breaking a sweat. I was really just thinking about some yucky stuff.
I shook that off pretty quickly and got back on track. Thank God I'm 44. Thank God I'll never see 34 or 24 again. Those were awful years! The fact is, I'm transitioning and historically I don't do well with transition. I've said this before so forgive the redundancy but my kids will soon be gone and I have to figure out what I'm going to do if I'm not being a full-time mother.
Please don't leave any comforting comments about how they'll always need me. I know that. I'm not concerned with that. I'm looking forward to waking up in the morning and finding my kitchen in the same state in which I left it the night before! I'm looking forward to the day when they are no longer financially dependent on me ... I'm thinking at least seven years. (Of course, my 38-year old brother just moved back in with my parents ... so I may be wishful thinking.) My issue is with what I AM GOING TO DO when that day comes.
So far, I have one idea: I love to eat and I love to write and I live in a tourist trap. Maybe I'll write a restaurant guide. I'm already writing restaurant reviews for a local magazine so why not take it a step further? The more I think about it, the more giddy I become.
One of the things that stood out for me while watching B.ob Gre.ene talk about Op.rah was when he said that she learned the tools of survival but she never really learned how to live. That is my life in a nutshell. I am definitely a survivor but now I have to transition from surviving to living and it's not as easy as one may think.
Showing posts with label fulfillment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fulfillment. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Friday, May 16, 2008
Want Me To Start a Tab?
Don't get excited. There's nothing to worry about ... but I did do something this week that I have never done. I had a drink everyday this week. Monday - glass of Pinot Noir
Tuesday - Date night!!! Grey Goose cosmo
Wednesday - another glass of Pinot
Thursday - two Absolut cosmos
and now today ... nothing yet and I think I may just chill
Seriously, I have allowed myself to forget the troubles of this life. They are just not important. Of course, I will continue to do what I need to do and I won't stop until I get to where I want to be.
with another glass of Pinot.
No wonder I'm in such a good mood.
Seriously, I have allowed myself to forget the troubles of this life. They are just not important. Of course, I will continue to do what I need to do and I won't stop until I get to where I want to be.
There are 24 hours in a day and I can choose to be miserable through each one or I can choose to smile and add something positive to my surroundings instead of sucking the life out of them.
When I left work yesterday I headed straight for the bay. There is a little place that features live music (provided by my man), good drinks and a beautiful view of the Chesapeake Bay. I sat there for a little over an hour and that was all it took to put me in the best mood. Music + view + alcohol = BLISS. And when I got to work today I just refused to let anything or anyone get to me.
Okay, maybe the solution isn't being a drunk beach bum but I do believe I needed to change my perspective. I've always concentrated so much on the "have to" and I very rarely would allow myself to enjoy any of the "want to".
Have a great weekend.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Running
It's Wednesday and the third day in a row that me and 5:30 a.m. have greeted each other.
Got up
Read Proverbs 4
Took a shower
Made a pot of coffe
Sat down at the keyboard and wrote until 6:30 when I had to start getting ready for work.
I'm up to 140 pages.
Again, small victories and I know 3 days does not make a habit ... but I'm working on it and it feels good. I was reminded today by a friend that when I wrote the first book I would get up at 4:00 a.m. and write until 6:00. Yeah ... I was a little younger then ... maybe I'll work toward that.
I'll probably start to post updates regularly on Saturday morning. But today's post is about running.
I'm a runner. Not an athletic type of runner -- although I did run track in high school. I wasn't a superstar but I had a good time and I looked really good in the shorts.
No, I'm talking about those of us who make it a habit of running from situations that feel too intense to deal with at the moment. I'm a runner. I admit it. I run from relationships, I run from jobs ... and of course, I always find a way to rationalize it so it doesn't appear that I'm running. I should win an award for my rationalizations.
Seriously.
Since no one in my life will shake me and say "Stay put!" I'm going to do it myself.
What the hell are you running for? Here's a newsflash for you, girlie: you can't escape by running. You will continue to be faced with these same situations until you deal with them and reach some kind of resolution. You're way too old to be running anyway. Ain't you tired?
Yes, I am tired.
I was contacted by two different headhunters in the past five days. Isn't that funny? I mean, right now the satisfaction level at my current place of employement is quite low, so my rationalization is that the calls from the headhunters must be a sign that it's time to go. I've got issues. Leaving one corporate job to go to another one is not my plan.
I'm staying put. No more running away. The bullshit at work, job hunting, spats with my guy are all unnecessary distractions. Enough already. I've got work to do.
Got up
Read Proverbs 4
Took a shower
Made a pot of coffe
Sat down at the keyboard and wrote until 6:30 when I had to start getting ready for work.
I'm up to 140 pages.
Again, small victories and I know 3 days does not make a habit ... but I'm working on it and it feels good. I was reminded today by a friend that when I wrote the first book I would get up at 4:00 a.m. and write until 6:00. Yeah ... I was a little younger then ... maybe I'll work toward that.
I'll probably start to post updates regularly on Saturday morning. But today's post is about running.
I'm a runner. Not an athletic type of runner -- although I did run track in high school. I wasn't a superstar but I had a good time and I looked really good in the shorts.
No, I'm talking about those of us who make it a habit of running from situations that feel too intense to deal with at the moment. I'm a runner. I admit it. I run from relationships, I run from jobs ... and of course, I always find a way to rationalize it so it doesn't appear that I'm running. I should win an award for my rationalizations.
Seriously.
Since no one in my life will shake me and say "Stay put!" I'm going to do it myself.
What the hell are you running for? Here's a newsflash for you, girlie: you can't escape by running. You will continue to be faced with these same situations until you deal with them and reach some kind of resolution. You're way too old to be running anyway. Ain't you tired?
Yes, I am tired.
I was contacted by two different headhunters in the past five days. Isn't that funny? I mean, right now the satisfaction level at my current place of employement is quite low, so my rationalization is that the calls from the headhunters must be a sign that it's time to go. I've got issues. Leaving one corporate job to go to another one is not my plan.
I'm staying put. No more running away. The bullshit at work, job hunting, spats with my guy are all unnecessary distractions. Enough already. I've got work to do.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Have To
Are you ruled by the "have to" or the "want to"?
Everything in my life is "have to". Everything.
Revelation: I swear if I didn't have two people living with me that depended on me to eat, I would quit my job tomorrow, sell my house, go back to school and major in journalism, and get a job in a bookstore.
Fact: I'm only 43 years old. Since when is 43 the end? I cannot live the next 43 years doing something I hate.
Realization: Just because you're good at something doesn't mean that's what you're supposed to do with the rest of your life. I'm great at what I do and it pays really well ... but guess what? I hate it.
I'm going to do something about this. I have to. It's so easy for me to encourage my guy to strike out on his own and do his own thing, and he's doing it successfully. I'm so proud of him. Telling my son to figure out how to make money doing what he loves, comes naturally. Why haven't I been able to encourage myself in the same fashion?
I say that I want to write ... well, how come I'm not writing everyday? The same way I did when I wrote my first novel? Everyday without fail. I can't remember a time when I was more joyful.
I can't allow another year to slip by like this.
Coming soon: The Plan.
Everything in my life is "have to". Everything.
Revelation: I swear if I didn't have two people living with me that depended on me to eat, I would quit my job tomorrow, sell my house, go back to school and major in journalism, and get a job in a bookstore.
Fact: I'm only 43 years old. Since when is 43 the end? I cannot live the next 43 years doing something I hate.
Realization: Just because you're good at something doesn't mean that's what you're supposed to do with the rest of your life. I'm great at what I do and it pays really well ... but guess what? I hate it.
I'm going to do something about this. I have to. It's so easy for me to encourage my guy to strike out on his own and do his own thing, and he's doing it successfully. I'm so proud of him. Telling my son to figure out how to make money doing what he loves, comes naturally. Why haven't I been able to encourage myself in the same fashion?
I say that I want to write ... well, how come I'm not writing everyday? The same way I did when I wrote my first novel? Everyday without fail. I can't remember a time when I was more joyful.
I can't allow another year to slip by like this.
Coming soon: The Plan.
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