Newsflash: It is not a crime to take care of yourself before you take care of someone else.
This is not news to me but it may be news to some of you. I am a firm believer in taking care of me. Why? Two reasons: (1) if I don't, who will? (2) if I don't take care of me I won't be in any condition to take care of anyone else.
It's funny to me to read articles and watch talk shows about how women always put themselves last and put everyone else's needs ahead of their own. Talk show hosts basically have to twist arms to convince these women that they deserve to carve out time for themselves. Carve out time? I know a woman who would feel guilty if she walked out of a department store after purchasing something for herself and didn't get something for her kids. She would ultimately leave the store with nothing for herself.
In my mind, this kind of behavior builds resentment. I am not saying that women should ignore the needs of others. I'm not creating some kind of justification for selfshishness. It's not selfish to create peace of mind for yourself. It's not selfish to recognize that you deserve some happiness too.
I know another woman who works like a dog. She has a full time job and then at the end of the day she brings her laptop home and works well into the night. She has taken in her grown daughter and her four children plus she regularly volunteers. She is always dragging, she's always tired and she is always complaining. Where is the joy in that? Maybe there's a special place in heaven for her but her time here on earth resembles a living hell.
During the safety briefing on an airplane, we are always directed to breathe into the air mask thing first before we help small children. Why do you think that is? Because if we don't help ourselves first we won't be able to help anyone else.
Take a walk. Get a facial. Go shopping. Go to a movie. Read a book. Make yourself a priority. Do something for yourself and enjoy it.
7 comments:
My mom was notorious for playing a martyr. I think she loved it when people begged her do finally "do something for herself." And guess what? She still does.
I love that you point out how giving to your own detriment can lead to resentment. I saw that truth play-out in my mother's life. I believe she's bitter and controlling because she feels like it's time to cash in on "all that stuff she did for the world while neglecting herself."
I also believe this kind of resentment is a MAJOR killer in romantic relationships that aren't properly balanced. I promised myself not to inherit this particular trait from mom. So far, so good. LOL
Don't know if you know this abou tme... budda... you ain't got to tell me this!
Matter of fact, I may need to learn tryna take care of someone else before I get labeled selfish *gasp*
Chele, you slapped me dead in the face with this post. I was notorious for this kind of behavior and I learned the hard way that I needed to stop and not only take time for myself, but to put myself FIRST. Now, I do things for myself and claim my "selfishness" proudly. This time next week, I'll be in FL for a long weekend; here's to taking care of me and doing something for ME!!!
Love to live; live to love!
Yeah, ok, I get the message.
Now I gotta do it. It is time for a manicure and a massage. hmmm...
since i'm single and don't have any children this one comes natural...well kinda. I do think that Matyrdom is as old as Mother Mary and has been imbedded in this Western Culture, however in order to have the life we want, we MUST nurture ourselves, ESPECIALLY in the face of adversity.
I woke up this morning hell bent on going to Wallyworld to get osmething for me. I got there and saw a onesie for Booboop. Socks for my son. even a toy for my dog. Then I thought, What am I doing?! Then I put it all back and picked up what I went to get for me! But it was a conscious thought to put it back after a subconscious action to put them in the basket.
Today my acccountant said this to me. "Rose you are running yourself down. I can't reach you unless you are in the car driving and then I can't talk numbers with you. Take care of yourself because if you don't people will be at your funeral smacking on chicken and eating all the macaroni and cheese casserole saying she was such a good person but she ran herself down. Then she said and next year they will say when someone mentions your name, I kinda remember her but I can't put a face to the name." Now that hit me dead in the face. I left the office today and took a two hour nap. I never nap unless I am sick. I plan to really take care me. You cosigned with her today. We need to take care of ourselves first.
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