All I really want to do is be the best me that I can be. For the longest time I thought that only entailed being a good mother and everything else was secondary. I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made regarding that belief it’s just that now I know that I am and can be so much more. I still believe that when a person becomes a parent, their children have to be their number one priority. After all, the children did not ask to be born and it is our responsibility to make sure that we give them the best possible head start. But it’s all about balance. It may have been possible for me to be a good mother AND a good wife but I couldn’t see past my kids in order to make that happen. Now that they are older and my duties have changed I can see past them and its okay to do that. I can be a good girlfriend, sister, friend, employee AND mother.
I wish I could intelligently put into words how absolutely awesome I feel right now. It is such a complete 180 from how I was feeling three months ago. Back then, I just wanted to push fast-forward and get to where I was going to be. I couldn’t stand the state of mind that I was in. I remember pleading with God to show me what it looked like on the other side of this depression. Every night when I went to bed I thanked God for allowing me to get through another day and each morning even though I dreaded getting out of bed, I did and started all over again.
But now … each morning is a gift. I can’t wait for my days to begin. I go through the day feeling … light. I have no worries. Everything is not perfect but I’m enjoying the imperfection. I’m learning to let go of yesterday because it’s gone. Each day I want to start fresh. I used to hold grudges but I realize now that those grudges were actually holding me! No more. No more.
Make today count.