Monday, August 10, 2009

Let It Be

More often than not, I find myself in situations where I am in the middle of a conversation when someone is making what they feel is a disparaging remark about someone and unbeknownst to them, the same thing applies to me.

Sixteen years ago when I first moved here my first priorities were to find a job and find a daycare provider for my then three-year old son. I went through an organization called The Daycare Connection which was sort of like match dot come for daycare. I contacted them and they gave me a list of names of providers to call and interview. I called this one lady who provided in-home daycare services and she proceeded to tell me about herself and her background. She was a local and said that she attended such-and-such high school and in her words, “ … unfortunately it’s all Black now …”


I thanked her for her time and called the next provider on the list.

More recently, a co-worker and I were walking down the hall and she was talking sh*t about some dude and saying things about the fact that he was married to a white woman.

Well, I’m with a white man and so what?

Another co-worker of mine was talking sh*t about someone and she said, “She doesn’t even have a degree!”

Well, neither do I and so what?

Am I supposed to make the situation more awkward by saying, “Well, my boyfriend is white” or “I don’t have a degree either”. I don’t.


I don’t know. Some would argue that if I were to speak up I would open up a meaningful dialogue about race relations or education and how we feel about such topics.

Honestly? I don’t give a damn. I know I sound apathetic. I know that. But the truth is, who I choose to date is none of your damn business. My lack of formal education has not stopped me from succeeding in a field that is not necessarily overflowing with women of color and it hasn’t stopped me from making a very good living compared to most. I don’t have any desire to discuss either topic at any length with anyone. Especially people who spend the majority of their time talking sh*t about people. I make my decisions for me, not to make any kind of statement.

I don’t know. I wrote this post because it was bothering me that I was involved in these conversations. It’s really not about me though. I’m not the issue. What I really want is for people to stop talking sh*t about each other. At least when they are in my presence. It's counterproductive and it just plain hurts. Seriously, just knock it off.


TJ said...

It is counterproductive and I think that these people feel safe to come by and talk all of this stuff. It would make the conversations much shorter though (speaking up). Don't know about meaningful dialogues. LOL.

Anonymous said...

I'm wondering if the same folk that gossip about whatever ever saw those faults in themselves. Curious.

FYI - Finger pointing is not a good look! ;)

SLC said...

If you spoke up, they'd still be shallow, and no meaningful dialog would follow. They'd say stuff like,

"My girlfriends man is half white"
"I have white friends"
"What I meant was she not smart"

A.u.n.t. Jackie said...

from someone who walks around with my foot in my mouth all the damn time.

point well taken.

Rose said...

Even if you spoke up, it would mean you would be the topic of the next conversation. Simply Put people gossip and talk Sh#t because they like too.

Blu Jewel said...

Chele, I think I'm with you on this one. I'm not one who's inclined to be apathetic, but there are times when you have to pick and chose your battles wisely. There are people you know you can address and hopefully resolve said issue; however, there are those that will use you for their next yap fest; they'll just be a little more discrete about it.

Hold your own and do what you feel is best for you inner peace.

love to live; live to love!

Remnants of U said...

More than likely, no I wouldn't speak up, especially to a co-worker that I don't socialize with outside of work.

Now if someone caught me in a mood, and I felt like being difficult. Maybe... LOL

LadyLee said...

Shoot, man... I never speak up. I have convos with folk who say crazy stuff, and I just make a mental note of it: that person just gave me a glimpse inside themselves and their thoughts, i.e., their character. That preaches a whole message right there. No need for enligtening discussion.

We live in a society where people determine their self-worth based on people's approval of their lives. I'm glad you live your own life, and how you live or who you are with isn't controlled by others.

That's a good thing, Chele. Really. So don't be hurt. You just continue to DO YOU.