Let It Be

More often than not, I find myself in situations where I am in the middle of a conversation when someone is making what they feel is a disparaging remark about someone and unbeknownst to them, the same thing applies to me.

Sixteen years ago when I first moved here my first priorities were to find a job and find a daycare provider for my then three-year old son. I went through an organization called The Daycare Connection which was sort of like match dot come for daycare. I contacted them and they gave me a list of names of providers to call and interview. I called this one lady who provided in-home daycare services and she proceeded to tell me about herself and her background. She was a local and said that she attended such-and-such high school and in her words, “ … unfortunately it’s all Black now …”

**blink**

I thanked her for her time and called the next provider on the list.

More recently, a co-worker and I were walking down the hall and she was talking sh*t about some dude and saying things about the fact that he was married to a white woman.

Well, I’m with a white man and so what?

Another co-worker of mine was talking sh*t about someone and she said, “She doesn’t even have a degree!”

Well, neither do I and so what?

Am I supposed to make the situation more awkward by saying, “Well, my boyfriend is white” or “I don’t have a degree either”. I don’t.

Why?

I don’t know. Some would argue that if I were to speak up I would open up a meaningful dialogue about race relations or education and how we feel about such topics.

Honestly? I don’t give a damn. I know I sound apathetic. I know that. But the truth is, who I choose to date is none of your damn business. My lack of formal education has not stopped me from succeeding in a field that is not necessarily overflowing with women of color and it hasn’t stopped me from making a very good living compared to most. I don’t have any desire to discuss either topic at any length with anyone. Especially people who spend the majority of their time talking sh*t about people. I make my decisions for me, not to make any kind of statement.

I don’t know. I wrote this post because it was bothering me that I was involved in these conversations. It’s really not about me though. I’m not the issue. What I really want is for people to stop talking sh*t about each other. At least when they are in my presence. It's counterproductive and it just plain hurts. Seriously, just knock it off.

Training

You teach people how to treat you.

You've heard that before, right? I say it all the time. In fact, I said it to one of my younger co-workers yesterday. She felt she was being dealt with unfairly and wanted to know what she should do. I don't give advice. I make suggestions but I never say to someone, "You should do this" or "You need to do that". So I told her You teach people how to treat you. If you accept this treatment now than that is the signal that you will always accept it. You have set the bar for what is acceptable treatment. If someone hits you over the head once and you don't say anything than they'll do it again ... and again ... again.

We've got to set the bar higher.

If someone knows they can do whatever and get away with it ... why would you think that they wouldn't do it again? Come on.

Know that you deserve better and if your present situation is not living up to your expectations than you have a decision to make.

The very first time someone comes at you crazy, you have got to correct that situation immediately. There is a woman at work who assigns a nickname or term of endearment to some of us. She has called me "boo-boo", "sweetie" ... stuff like that. It doesn't bother me one way or the other. However, it does bother one of my other co-workers and she told her the very first time, "I would prefer it if you would please call me (her given name)." No muss, no fuss. It's something small but she wanted the woman to know that she wanted to be treated as a professional at all times. Period.

We can't be afraid to speak up. We can't be afraid to ask for what we want. We have got to teach people how to treat us. Let them know what you will accept. What's the worse thing that could happen?

Outnumbered

Socrates Fortlow.

I was introduced to Mr. Fortlow years ago and for some reason I had this uncontrollable urge to be reintroduced to him. So I ordered this DVD and after Amazon lost the first one and re-ordered a second copy I was able to see Mr. Fortlow again.

After watching him I realized why I needed to see him again. Socrates is his own man. He lives on his own terms and he answers to no one. He has a violent side but he cannot hide his huge heart. Still, as independent as he is there is still this nagging, this deep pain that just won't go away. No matter how hard he tries to do right there is still someone who wants to keep him down, to hold his past against him. He will always feel outnumbered.

Corporate friggin-America has me feeling this way.

Always outnumbered. My suggestions go unheard but they are heard loud and clear when they come out of a pair of thinner lips. Requests are conveniently forgotten or just ignored. I try not to point fingers. I say to myself, "Perhaps I'm just not able to articulate my thoughts in an effective way." Then a small voice answers back and says, "That's some bullshit, right there." You've heard of the $40 million slave? Well, that's how I feel sometimes on a much smaller scale. I mean, in a very short period of time I earned bonuses in the 5-figure range. Okay, cool. Like I said, I earned every single penny. But I feel that the belief is that those dollars somehow take the place of respect or common decency. I have always enjoyed the work that I do but it is impossible to do what I do without the politics that go along with it. So what's the answer? Maybe there isn't one right now. I really need to give this some thought. There will be no change at the job. There can only be a change in how I respond to what's going on at the job.