Every single life changing moment begins with a decision. A conscious choice.
I made a decision a week ago which will lead to a meeting today at 5:00.
Another life changing moment.
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Change is Good ... No, I'ts Great!
Every single life changing moment begins with a decision. A conscious choice.
I made a decision a week ago which will lead to a meeting today at 5:00.
Another life changing moment.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Anger and Fear
We all have fears and I wonder why for so many years it was easier for me to acknowledge that I was angry but I could not acknowledge that I had fears. Truth be told, my anger stemmed from my fears. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being humiliated. Fear of being wrong. Somewhere in my mind I believed that being angry somehow made me strong but fear somehow made me weak. I carried around my anger like a security blanket but I refused to acknowledge that I was afraid of anything.
Admitting that I am fearful at times does not make me a weak person.
I’m taking a minute here to pat myself on the back for writing that and actually believing it.
For me, making the decision to live and love fearlessly is not about denying that fear exists. On the contrary, it is about acknowledging the fear and trusting that what ever happens I will have the tools and abilities to deal with it. Believing that I can handle it makes it seem smaller. A mountain stays a mountain until you start to climb it but once you reach the top, what’s the first thing you say? “That wasn’t so bad.” I liken it to giving birth. For eight months I relished in the joy of being pregnant. I loved making all the preparations and I marveled at the life that was growing inside me. However, during that ninth month I began to stress. I realized that I spent so much time wearing my rose-colored glasses that I didn’t think for one minute how this baby was going to enter the world. It had to come out of me and it was going to hurt. A lot. I got scared. But after I got scared I reminded myself that women have been pushing out babies since the beginning of time and if they could do it, so could I. And I did ... twice ... without drugs.
I lessened the magnitude of the fear by acknowledging that I could handle it.
Did you get that?
The fear was reduced because I realized it wasn’t some big scary thing that would kill me. The thing that was scaring me (childbirth) still existed but I was armed with the strength, faith and confidence that I needed to know that I could handle it.
I’m using that same logic to tackle the other fears in my life.
Look, life isn’t easy. If someone told you that it would be they were straight up lying to you. People say life is short but I’m here to tell you that life is way too long to walk around in fear. Fear is a crippler and I’m tired of being crippled.
One of my fears is making bold declarations because then I will be held accountable for them. But guess what? I am declaring that 2010 will be the year of living and loving fearlessly.
Care to join me?
Admitting that I am fearful at times does not make me a weak person.
I’m taking a minute here to pat myself on the back for writing that and actually believing it.
For me, making the decision to live and love fearlessly is not about denying that fear exists. On the contrary, it is about acknowledging the fear and trusting that what ever happens I will have the tools and abilities to deal with it. Believing that I can handle it makes it seem smaller. A mountain stays a mountain until you start to climb it but once you reach the top, what’s the first thing you say? “That wasn’t so bad.” I liken it to giving birth. For eight months I relished in the joy of being pregnant. I loved making all the preparations and I marveled at the life that was growing inside me. However, during that ninth month I began to stress. I realized that I spent so much time wearing my rose-colored glasses that I didn’t think for one minute how this baby was going to enter the world. It had to come out of me and it was going to hurt. A lot. I got scared. But after I got scared I reminded myself that women have been pushing out babies since the beginning of time and if they could do it, so could I. And I did ... twice ... without drugs.
I lessened the magnitude of the fear by acknowledging that I could handle it.
Did you get that?
The fear was reduced because I realized it wasn’t some big scary thing that would kill me. The thing that was scaring me (childbirth) still existed but I was armed with the strength, faith and confidence that I needed to know that I could handle it.
I’m using that same logic to tackle the other fears in my life.
Look, life isn’t easy. If someone told you that it would be they were straight up lying to you. People say life is short but I’m here to tell you that life is way too long to walk around in fear. Fear is a crippler and I’m tired of being crippled.
One of my fears is making bold declarations because then I will be held accountable for them. But guess what? I am declaring that 2010 will be the year of living and loving fearlessly.
Care to join me?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
At My Age, It's Not Cool ...
To play games
To participate in popularity contests
To be part of a clique
To have anymore children
To have sex in a car
Not to say exactly what’s on my mind
Not to do exactly what I want
Not to be able to say “no” when necessary
To date men my son’s age
To dress like my daughter
People say I have a lot of rules for myself. Usually those people are people who are trying to get me to do something I have no interest in doing. Recently, someone asked me to do something that I have absolutely no desire to do. Here’s how it went down:
As you may or may not know, for the past year I have been writing restaurant reviews for one of the local magazines here in VB. I was excited about doing this because I wanted to sharpen my writing skills, deal with deadlines and build my library of published works. I agreed to do this on a volunteer basis because I love doing what I do. Last month, I interviewed a restaurant manager for one of the places we were to feature. We spoke for at least thirty minutes and I took about three pages of notes. It was one of the more in-depth interviews, as I usually just eat and write … but this guy wanted to talk. No problem. Well, the article came out and apparently one of the owners was not so thrilled with my write up. Why? Not because I said horrible things about the food. On the contrary, the food was excellent. As was the service, price and the atmosphere. This guy’s nose was out of joint because his name wasn’t mentioned in the article. Well, honey if your manager had given me your name it would have been mentioned.
So, the publisher of the magazine sends me the following e-mail:
[Owner Guy} is one of the owners and feels really pissed that he was not in the article. His number is XXX-XXXX. I told him we might want to do an interview with him, maybe man of the month. We could explain the whole story about him starting the place. I can't get [the guy I spoke to] to answer his phone.
Hmph.
I’ve thought about it for a couple days and here is the reply that I’m sending:
I have been writing restaurant reviews for [Name of Magazine] for the past year and I have appreciated the experience and the opportunity to build up my library of published works. I have done this on a 100% volunteer basis because I enjoy doing what I do.
However, I have no interest in writing a “Man of the Month” article in order to stroke [Owner Guy’s] ego. If he has a problem with what I wrote in the [name of restaurant] article, then he needs to have a conversation with [guy I spoke to]. Everything I wrote came directly from [guy I spoke to]. The names that were included were the names that [guy I spoke to] provided.
Additionally, the time and expense that I put into writing the reviews has become burdensome. As I said, while I have enjoyed the experience I feel this should be the end of our professional relationship.
Sorry dude, I don’t do the ego-stroke. Never have, never will.
Truth be told, Bryan and I have spoken quite a bit about using our talent and resources and starting our own entertainment/restaurant guide … maybe now is the time to take that more seriously.
To participate in popularity contests
To be part of a clique
To have anymore children
To have sex in a car
Not to say exactly what’s on my mind
Not to do exactly what I want
Not to be able to say “no” when necessary
To date men my son’s age
To dress like my daughter
People say I have a lot of rules for myself. Usually those people are people who are trying to get me to do something I have no interest in doing. Recently, someone asked me to do something that I have absolutely no desire to do. Here’s how it went down:
As you may or may not know, for the past year I have been writing restaurant reviews for one of the local magazines here in VB. I was excited about doing this because I wanted to sharpen my writing skills, deal with deadlines and build my library of published works. I agreed to do this on a volunteer basis because I love doing what I do. Last month, I interviewed a restaurant manager for one of the places we were to feature. We spoke for at least thirty minutes and I took about three pages of notes. It was one of the more in-depth interviews, as I usually just eat and write … but this guy wanted to talk. No problem. Well, the article came out and apparently one of the owners was not so thrilled with my write up. Why? Not because I said horrible things about the food. On the contrary, the food was excellent. As was the service, price and the atmosphere. This guy’s nose was out of joint because his name wasn’t mentioned in the article. Well, honey if your manager had given me your name it would have been mentioned.
So, the publisher of the magazine sends me the following e-mail:
[Owner Guy} is one of the owners and feels really pissed that he was not in the article. His number is XXX-XXXX. I told him we might want to do an interview with him, maybe man of the month. We could explain the whole story about him starting the place. I can't get [the guy I spoke to] to answer his phone.
Hmph.
I’ve thought about it for a couple days and here is the reply that I’m sending:
I have been writing restaurant reviews for [Name of Magazine] for the past year and I have appreciated the experience and the opportunity to build up my library of published works. I have done this on a 100% volunteer basis because I enjoy doing what I do.
However, I have no interest in writing a “Man of the Month” article in order to stroke [Owner Guy’s] ego. If he has a problem with what I wrote in the [name of restaurant] article, then he needs to have a conversation with [guy I spoke to]. Everything I wrote came directly from [guy I spoke to]. The names that were included were the names that [guy I spoke to] provided.
Additionally, the time and expense that I put into writing the reviews has become burdensome. As I said, while I have enjoyed the experience I feel this should be the end of our professional relationship.
Sorry dude, I don’t do the ego-stroke. Never have, never will.
Truth be told, Bryan and I have spoken quite a bit about using our talent and resources and starting our own entertainment/restaurant guide … maybe now is the time to take that more seriously.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Doubt
... is the greatest gift, it's the space between two certainties.
Any change on its way from one place of stability to the next one, passes through a period of doubt. Your old perspective has to disintegrate, and doubt comes in for a visit - even if only for a moment, before the new perspective takes root. Doubt is your greatest gift, because from doubt you can go anywhere.
Any change on its way from one place of stability to the next one, passes through a period of doubt. Your old perspective has to disintegrate, and doubt comes in for a visit - even if only for a moment, before the new perspective takes root. Doubt is your greatest gift, because from doubt you can go anywhere.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Merge
How do you successfully merge your life with someone else’s? Not just the merging of belongings but of habits, lifestyles, etc.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I know it’s not impossible. Surely, it can be done but when I think about it for too long it just seems like a huge undertaking.
For example:
Me
Morning person
Work a regular 9-5 with weekends free
Raising two teenagers
More laid back when it comes to household chores
Planner
Him
Night person
Self-employed, generally works afternoons, evenings and weekends
Never been married/No children
Rigid when it comes to doing things around the house
Spontaneous
My biggest concern is the fact that he has no idea what it is like to live with teenagers. He may be used to finding things exactly where he left them. Unfortunately, with kids in the house that is not always the case. (i.e., “Didn’t I just buy that box of Wheat Thins?”) I understand that there will be compromises to make but again, this just seems like a huge undertaking. I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced … least of all my kids. They like how things are and they didn’t ask for their lives to be disrupted. Sometimes I think we’ve lasted almost six years because we don’t live together.
How do people make this work?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I know it’s not impossible. Surely, it can be done but when I think about it for too long it just seems like a huge undertaking.
For example:
Me
Morning person
Work a regular 9-5 with weekends free
Raising two teenagers
More laid back when it comes to household chores
Planner
Him
Night person
Self-employed, generally works afternoons, evenings and weekends
Never been married/No children
Rigid when it comes to doing things around the house
Spontaneous
My biggest concern is the fact that he has no idea what it is like to live with teenagers. He may be used to finding things exactly where he left them. Unfortunately, with kids in the house that is not always the case. (i.e., “Didn’t I just buy that box of Wheat Thins?”) I understand that there will be compromises to make but again, this just seems like a huge undertaking. I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced … least of all my kids. They like how things are and they didn’t ask for their lives to be disrupted. Sometimes I think we’ve lasted almost six years because we don’t live together.
How do people make this work?
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
You Choose
I did not watch the DNC or Mrs. Obama's speech last night.
Are you all gasping in disbelief?
Whatever. I was busy. I came home, made dinner, studied for a few hours, watched some S.ex and the Cit.y on demand and went to bed.
I have not participated in the frenzy that is the "Obama bandwagon". I respect the Senator but unlike many others I don't believe that a Black man's mere presence at 1600 is going to make the lives of my family any better. Making our lives better is our responsibility and no one else's. Which is why I was studying last night. Feel me? I know what's important to me and I will base my decision in November on those facts. Not because I want a brotha in the White House. All I'm saying is that I hope everyone is making an informed decision.
Are you all gasping in disbelief?
Whatever. I was busy. I came home, made dinner, studied for a few hours, watched some S.ex and the Cit.y on demand and went to bed.
I have not participated in the frenzy that is the "Obama bandwagon". I respect the Senator but unlike many others I don't believe that a Black man's mere presence at 1600 is going to make the lives of my family any better. Making our lives better is our responsibility and no one else's. Which is why I was studying last night. Feel me? I know what's important to me and I will base my decision in November on those facts. Not because I want a brotha in the White House. All I'm saying is that I hope everyone is making an informed decision.
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