This is a blog hop so link up with Shell and the others and Pour Your Heart Out:
If there were one thing that I could change about myself it would probably be my “all or nothing” attitude. There’s not a whole lot of flexibility in my world. Either you’re with me or you’re against me. Either it’s black or it’s white. Not a lot of gray areas in my world. It usually works out pretty well that way. Everyone knows where they stand and I don’t have to do a bunch of unnecessary explaining.
When I’m going through life all happy and what not, skipping and singing and feeling all untouchable, and then something awful happens that drives me to my knees it takes me a while to wrap my head around it.
I mean, how dare you come and disrupt all this happy happy joy joy? There is no room for sadness because I’ve got too much happy!
But there it is. The sadness is there and it is overwhelming. And since I don’t believe that sadness and joy can exist in the same space then … well … I must not be happy. And then (get this) my mind begins to recall every sad/mad/bad moment of the last twenty years: the failed marriages, the broken relationships, the awful career choices, etc.
Now, I’m convinced that I was never really happy in the first place. How could I be when I have made such a friggin mess of my life?
My heart aches.
I thought somehow I was protected against sadness. Is that the dumbest thing you’ve heard today? Go ahead and be honest, I won’t be offended. I have made so many positive changes in my life in the past year and I have reaped so many blessings because of those changes … I just assumed that the rest of my life would be all blessings and no sadness. Oh, the naiveté of the faithful. God says that in this life we will have tribulation (John 16:33) but the good news is if I turn to God he will not forsake me during this time (Deuteronomy 4:30-31).
So it’s not all or nothing. I don’t want to be the person who walks around expecting bad things to happen. But I have to leave room for the possibility. I have to be flexible enough to know that sometimes I will have unpleasant experiences and I should be prepared for them. I know I can’t prepare for everything. Sometimes I am going to get knocked on my butt but I have to make the decision to get back up and keep moving.