An Amazing Lunch

I’ve been watching and listening to a lot of TD Jakes lately. Ever since I saw him on Oprah’s Next Chapter. I’ve always enjoyed him but I didn’t seek him out to watch him like I do Joyce Meyer. With Joyce, I watch her every day and I get a new CD in the mail from her ministry every month. I have a lot of her teaching in me. But not of Bishop Jakes. I may have to rectify that. That man can certainly preach. I heard him say two things last week that have stuck with me:

He was referring to the story of how Jesus fed the 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread. One point he made was that the first thing Jesus did was bless the food. He thanked God for the food that was clearly not enough and God made it enough. We have got to learn how to thank God for what seems to be “not enough”. Be thankful for what you have right now and watch how God will multiply it. You may not have the job you want, you may not have the house or car you want, you may not have the marriage you expected, you may have children that disappoint you. But thank God anyway and watch him work.

The second point was that after Jesus blessed the food, he broke it and fed the 5,000. He broke it and the people were fed. You have to be willing to be broken in order to see your breakthrough. We all want the quick fix. We all want life to be red roses and sunshine. Sorry but whomever told you that is a straight up lie! The Bible tells us that we will face tribulation. Not may face, not might face, but WILL face. Tribulation builds character and patience. Get you some. Sometimes God will allow you to be broken in order to feed you. There was a time in February when I was going through something and I cried out to God in my living room and said, “I don’t know what to do. I am broken. I am completely broken.” That was a horrible day. I can’t even begin to tell you. But it wasn’t long after that that I felt like my eyes were opening. I slowly began to feel a burden being lifted. I can’t explain it but I know at that moment of brokenness that a change was coming.

All that from 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread.

The Family of Black Women

It started with Whitney.

My older brother called me and said, “Turn to MSNBC now. Whitney Houston is dead.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Even as I saw the images on my television screen, I couldn’t believe it. My mind wouldn’t accept it. How could a beautiful, successful woman that is my age with a daughter the same age as mine, who is laughing and singing one day be dead the next day?

Then I attended a panel discussion for Black History Month which featured four African American women who are at the top of their fields in Education, Defense and Business. They discussed how they got started and shared their insights on how to “get there and stay there”. I was so moved by their honesty and obvious integrity. Some of the themes were:

• Having a strong sense of self
• Being bold
• Not compromising
• Being courageous
• Know the rules of the game
• Picking the hill you wanna die on (i.e. choosing your battles)
• Having a goal and making sure that it is actually yours
• Work with someone who is smarter than you
• Not letting the biases of others dictate what you can accomplish
• None of us are victims. We each face unique obstacles because of our
race/gender but we can decide how to respond
• Mentorship is extremely important
• The importance of building relationships

The discussion was powerful and I walked away feeling both motivated and a little sad. The women on the panel were incredibly smart and successful yet their beginnings weren’t much different than my own and I was just so … ordinary. Where had I gone wrong?

Finally, I watched the Oprah interview with Viola Davis. First of all, I believe that interview was the best interview Oprah has ever conducted. Viola Davis is so honest and so talented and so centered. I love love love her. I hung on her every word. One part of the interview that resonated with me was when she talked about her 11 minutes on screen with Meryl Streep in the film “Doubt”. Viola said that she knew she deserved to be standing next to Meryl Streep, not because she was as good as Meryl, but because she had done the work. She had received her degree in Theater and she had been working for more than 20 years. And even though she was only on screen for 11 minutes she earned that Oscar nomination. Viola knew at an early age what she wanted to do and she followed that path to success. Despite her poor beginnings she knew how to dream big.

I think I was crying during the entire conversation. I began to think about Whitney and the four women on the panel and now Viola and I was so proud to be part of the family of Black women but at the same time I couldn’t help but feel that somehow I had fallen short. Why didn't I ever learn how to dream big? What was wrong with me? I’ve been praying constantly and seeking God and asking him to show me my purpose. But what do you do when God seems to be silent? I fell asleep that night with a heavy heart and plenty on my mind.

I woke up the next morning still feeling a little wonky and then the Holy Spirit spoke:

Through the mercies of God we are not consumed because his compassions fail not; they are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness (Lamentations 3:22-23)

I remembered that God is faithful. He has never left me. What He has for me is for me and He will reveal it to me in His timing.

I just wanted to share this with anyone who may also be restless and waiting for the next thing. Wait on God. Trust His timing. Remember that those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength. So, while you are waiting you are getting stronger.

And what is wrong with that?

The Answer

So, in the below post entitled "Revelations" I mentioned how my manager may need me to postpone my week off. My birthday week. I was disappointed at first but I didn't get excited, I gave it to God because He knows the desires of my heart.

Yesterday, my manager informed me that I was all clear to take off my birthday week.

I'm convinced that if I would have given him an attitude this would not have worked out in my favor. God is definitely doing a work in me.

Some might say He's doing a new thing in me.

Useful

I am not an eloquent speaker and I write the way I speak so I hope this comes out right.

Yesterday I received an email from one of my life group members and she was asking for prayer and assistance for her mentee. The young woman desperately needed some items for her infant. Right after work I went to the store and picked up a few things.

I don’t tell you this for praise or a pat on the back. I tell you this because what happened afterward kind of shook me. After I got back in my car I heard a voice say to me, “So what? You think you’re doing something? Anyone can spend money. What about your time? When was the last time you gave your time to someone in need?”

For several hours after that I kept repeating those words in my head. Was my form of giving not acceptable because it wasn’t a sacrifice? I felt horrible. I wanted to help because I pray that if my own daughter was in need and I wasn’t able to help her, that someone would be available to answer the call.

By the time I got to last night’s prayer meeting I was an emotional and spiritual wreck. Seriously, I do not have a problem writing a check. I’m not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination but I’m smart enough to know that all I have comes from God and He didn’t bless me to keep it all to myself. So I give. Remember the verse in Malachi 3 where God says that He will open the windows of Heaven and pour out a blessing that I won’t have room enough to receive? Well, I’m supposed to share the extra. The enemy had me believing yesterday that my giving didn’t mean anything.

While at the prayer meeting we were talking about how God wants to give each of us a new name. It doesn’t matter what we may think about ourselves, God wants to turn it all around and give us a new name. I was praying for God to tell me what my name was. I needed desperately to hear from him. In prayer He told me that my name is: Useful.

I am a useful part of the Kingdom. No matter what the enemy says. I may not be a mentor to young people and I could definitely increase my volunteerism. But when God leads me to give, I give and I don’t think twice. The enemy told me yesterday that “anyone can spend money”. Well, you know what? Maybe everyone can’t spend money. Some people give time. Some people give talent. Some people give finances. As long as it’s done to God’s glory and to further his Kingdom does it really matter?

I don’t think so.

Will You Not Know It?

It amazes me that I am still amazed at how God decides to move in my life. I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand which is why having faith is so important.

On Sunday I made a video and I talked about running away and feeling empty and basically just crying out for answers.

Later that day, I decided to take a look at Saturday night’s church bulletin. I had stuffed it into my Bible after church on Saturday and I really didn’t take the time to read it. Every weekend the pastor publishes a different article. Here are some excerpts from this week’s article entitled, Will You Not Know It?

Our heavenly Father says to each of us, “Behold I do a new thing, now it shall spring forth. Will you not know it? (Isaiah 43:19).

Will you not know it? God can bring new people into our lives in order to forge a strategic connection for our future, and we can miss it if we are dull of spirit. God can give us new insights for business, but they can remain dormant if we do not respond in faith. God can give us new revelation into prayer, but our prayer lives can remain on life-support if we don’t act on what God shows us.

Will you not know it? God is doing something new right now in your life – even as you are reading this article. His Spirit is speaking something to your spirit, if you will listen. He may be warning you about a decision you are about to make or encouraging you to try something really different. He could be at work in your circumstances by opening a door or closing one that will keep you on track in your family He may right now be answering your prayer in a new and unexpected way.

Will you not know it? This fall, the most powerful Person in the universe is taking a special interest in your future, your circumstances and your soul. His Spirit is ready to take you to a whole new level and He is asking you to be ready and willing to respond to Him in faith. God is doing a new thing…for you. Now give him praise!

God’s timing is incredible. This article touched on the very topic that I was trying to articulate in the video. I trust that God has it under control. I trust that He is doing a new thing in me. I will lean not unto my own understanding but in all my ways I will acknowledge Him and He will direct my path (Proverbs 3:5-6). I really needed to read this article in order to give me a “jump start”. I know what God is able because He has proven it in my life over and over again.

God Told Me to Tell You

People are interesting to me. I try not to judge the motives of others and I work hard to see the point of view of the other guy. It can be challenging at times because of my personality but I’m definitely getting better.

I try not to but I sometimes find myself giving the side-eye to church folks more than I do non-church folks (for lack of a better term). Just so we’re clear, church folks are the ones who wear their religion like a sandwich board that says, “See how holy I am!” I prefer to witness someone’s “holiness” by their actions, not by their words.

But that’s another post.

My tendency to give the side-eye sometimes comes when someone tells me that God told them to say something to me.

I remember the first time it happened. It was many, many years ago and I was sitting in church and I was not having a good day. I was feeling bad about something, I cannot remember what. The woman that was sitting next to me put her hand on my shoulder and said the following: “Sis, I really don’t want to bother you and I’ve never done this before, but I feel like the Lord wants me to tell you that it’s going to be okay. I don’t know what you’re going through but I just feel like I had to be obedient and say something.”

I kind of knew the woman but not really. She was very timid and I can imagine how hard it was to approach someone as evil (looking) as me. I appreciated it and at the time, I really did need the reminder.

Encounters like that have happened again and again. And it makes me wonder. Is God really putting me on the hearts of these people? Or is there something else going on? Sometimes, I swear, the “good intentions” are completely misguided and I just want to tell them to go somewhere and sit down. But I just smile and say thank you.

I remember once a woman used the “God told me to tell you” thing in order to let me know how wrong I was for sleeping with my boyfriend without the benefit of marriage. She shared this long, drawn out story which had condemnation written all over it. I wanted to remind her that God does not condemn his children. I'm not saying that what she said wasn't true, it was her delivery. I thanked her for sharing.

It’s like hit and miss … or maybe it’s more than that and I just can’t see it. Maybe there are just times when I’m willing accept these “words from the Lord” and times when I’m not.

On Saturday during praise and worship we were singing a song that said:

Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God you are greater than any other
Our God is healer
Awesome in power
Our God, Our God

The words were up on the screen and it seemed that the word HEALER was magnified larger than the other words and I broke down. I was thinking about the procedure my son has to have next week and I believe God was reminding me that he is a HEALER. Afterward, I stepped out for a minute and the lady that was sitting behind me followed me, stopped me in the lobby and told me that God told her to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I accepted that one.

There have been times when I believe God has put a person on my heart. I can’t recall a time when I have ever said to a person, “God wants you to know …” I talk to people and I encourage them but I don’t preface that encouragement with, “This is a message from the Lord!” I’m not sure I see the benefit in it. I think some folks believe it gives them credibility. That it makes them ultra-spiritual in the eyes of the person who is listening to them. I think it may have the opposite effect. If you talk to me with honesty, sincerity and love then I will assume that it’s God speaking through you. I just don’t think you need to say it.

Feeling His Strength

All this week I’ve been meditating on 2 Corinthians 12:9 which says:

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (King James version)

The translation in The Message is as follows:

My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness. Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

In the verse prior to this one, Paul says that he went to God three times asking him to remove his “thorn” and God wouldn’t do it. Instead, He told him that His grace was sufficient and that His strength is made perfect in Paul’s weakness.

Have you ever been in pain or been going through something and just cried out to God and begged him to remove it? I’ve been there and all I wanted was for God to make me feel better. I just wanted the pain to stop. I could not figure out why after asking God for such a simple request I was still in pain. Doesn’t the Bible say, “Ask and it shall be given unto you”? Well, I was asking. Pleading, in fact. And nothing.

Through this verse I understood that it would have been easy for God to just remove my “thorn” but where would the lesson be? What would I have learned? Probably nothing. I know that God has a greater purpose and that there is a reason why I have to endure certain things. I believe that God wants me to recognize that no matter what, His grace is all I need. When I am at my weakest point, God will show me exactly how strong I am (through Him). He is teaching me to rely solely on Him. That I can do nothing without Him but with Him I can do all things.

Having this knowledge in and of itself is enough to carry me through any hard time.

All or Nothing? (PYHO)

This is a blog hop so link up with Shell and the others and Pour Your Heart Out:





If there were one thing that I could change about myself it would probably be my “all or nothing” attitude. There’s not a whole lot of flexibility in my world. Either you’re with me or you’re against me. Either it’s black or it’s white. Not a lot of gray areas in my world. It usually works out pretty well that way. Everyone knows where they stand and I don’t have to do a bunch of unnecessary explaining.

Except …

When I’m going through life all happy and what not, skipping and singing and feeling all untouchable, and then something awful happens that drives me to my knees it takes me a while to wrap my head around it.

I mean, how dare you come and disrupt all this happy happy joy joy? There is no room for sadness because I’ve got too much happy!

But there it is. The sadness is there and it is overwhelming. And since I don’t believe that sadness and joy can exist in the same space then … well … I must not be happy. And then (get this) my mind begins to recall every sad/mad/bad moment of the last twenty years: the failed marriages, the broken relationships, the awful career choices, etc.

Now, I’m convinced that I was never really happy in the first place. How could I be when I have made such a friggin mess of my life?

My heart aches.

I thought somehow I was protected against sadness. Is that the dumbest thing you’ve heard today? Go ahead and be honest, I won’t be offended. I have made so many positive changes in my life in the past year and I have reaped so many blessings because of those changes … I just assumed that the rest of my life would be all blessings and no sadness. Oh, the naiveté of the faithful. God says that in this life we will have tribulation (John 16:33) but the good news is if I turn to God he will not forsake me during this time (Deuteronomy 4:30-31).

So it’s not all or nothing. I don’t want to be the person who walks around expecting bad things to happen. But I have to leave room for the possibility. I have to be flexible enough to know that sometimes I will have unpleasant experiences and I should be prepared for them. I know I can’t prepare for everything. Sometimes I am going to get knocked on my butt but I have to make the decision to get back up and keep moving.

Restless Part 2

Yesterday I talked to you about my restlessness.

Last night God shed some light on the subject for me.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him (Psalms 62:5)

I live my life expecting great and marvelous things to happen. Which in and of itself is very interesting for me. Maybe five or six years ago, I read a quote which said: "High expectations breed despair." And I grabbed on to that thing and held on to it like my life depended on it. I was at a point in my life where I felt like I had been disappointed by everyone. Life was just one big disappointment so my answer was to not expect anything from anyone ever and I will never be disappointed. Well, surprise, Michele! Disappointment was still able to find me. Why? Because part of me always expected to be disappointed.

I have learned so much in the last year and one of those things is to have high expectations. If not from people than certainly from God. I’ve learned that if you expect nothing you get NOTHING. And I’ll tell you what, I want EVERYTHING so that is what I’m expecting. Not 30%, EVERYTHING!

What does this have to do with my restlessness? I’m getting to that.

This week marked a very important milestone in my life. And somewhere in the back of my head I figured that since I reached that milestone that the trumpets would sound and magically, overnight something spectacular would show up in my life. To my surprise, my routine hadn’t changed. Everything appeared to be exactly the same. Somewhere along the line I forgot to remember that God doesn’t work on my timetable. In fact, I think He laughs at my timetable and gently reminds me

For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; for it will certainly come, it will not delay (Habakkuk 2:3)

Hence my restlessness. The milestone had been reached without any fanfare and no one even knows about it but me and God. And while everything on the outside appears to be exactly the same, I know that there is a big change in me. A huge change. I am not the same person I was and that is a good thing.

I’m restless because I briefly forgot that I’m not in control of this thing. I’m restless because I expected definitive, concrete answers on a certain date and when that date came and went … well … I was left wanting. I’m allowing God to lead me and even though that can cause minor frustration now, I know for a fact that the end result will be victory.

So, the restlessness will pass and I will continue to wait. I know that as I am waiting, I am getting stronger (Isaiah 40:31).

And what is wrong with that?

Recurring Theme

Today's message on my calendar reads:

One of the most important secrets in the world is that by becoming more giving, you'll become happier as well.

This theme was also mentioned throughout the last three success books that I've read.

Also, in the Bible -- ...give and it shall be given unto you, pressed down, shaken together and overflowing will men give unto your bosom ... (Luke 6:38)

I love this. Intellectually, I've always known this and I've never been a stingy person but I haven't made it a practice to seek out ways to give. Trust me, when you do ... you'd be amazed at what you discover.

Try it.

Day 44

Well, it’s the 44th day of a 45-day journey. I won’t be posting tomorrow because I’ll be on the road but I wanted to take a few minutes just to sum up what’s been going on.

My goal and intent was to “find myself” for lack of a better term. Admittedly, I was motivated by fear. I was afraid that I would live the rest of my life on automatic pilot, never making a contribution, never doing anything extraordinary, never being fulfilled. What I have learned is that on one hand, I already have a very fulfilling life. I’m surrounded by people who really love and support me. I have great kids, a man who adores me, a good home, a good job, a car that runs, money in the bank and I’m healthy. That’s a lot more than some people. On the other hand I was still feeling some intangible dissatisfaction. The looming feeling that I could do and be more. I’m not satisfied with the status quo.

So here I am. I allowed myself to dream and thanks to a woman who I have never even laid eyes on saying to me: “Don’t you dare ignore that vision”, I am moving forward full steam ahead. Isn’t it funny how just a little bit of encouragement can make all the difference. I remember my best friend saying to me, “You know, I can see you writing a book.” And from that sentence, Raymond’s Daughters was born. Don’t be afraid to encourage others. Don’t be afraid to receive that encouragement. Anyway, as things progress, I probably will not bore you with the day-to-day details. At least not here … but rest assured, I am moving forward.

This has been eye-opening. The greatest lesson that I learned and I hope to share with others is that there is nothing that you can’t do. I used to create my own roadblocks and constantly talk myself out of doing. Yes, there were specific times in the past when I refused to quit and I pressed toward the mark but those were isolated incidents. But then I asked myself … why can’t I do that all the time? Duh! I’m sick when I think about all the time that I’ve wasted but I know that it was all for a reason. I’m ready now and it’s not too late. Forty-five is nowhere near the end. My story is just beginning.

Day 41

The countdown is winding down and even though it is coming to an end the habits that I have adopted over these past 41 days are things that I will continue. Things like reading more and watching TV less. Waking up early and exercising. Doing at least one thing everyday to get me closer to the realization of my dream. I am off automatic pilot and I am deliberately living and designing my life. At the beginning of this thing I mentioned how I would wake up mad and just have this under-the-surface kind of anger. No more. I noticed it on Friday when I sprayed gasoline on myself. Instead of cussing and going on … I just kind of chuckled. Our reactions to situations really play a big part in the outcome. If you don’t believe anything else, believe that. Being angry was not serving me. What made it worse was that I couldn’t even tell you what I was angry about.

I have read a lot during this time. In addition to the daily Bible reading, I’ve completed The Shack and Write it Down, Make it Happen. I’m also reading Russell Simmons’ Do You! and Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Laws of Success. I’ve discovered that in order to get rid of negative thoughts they had to be replaced with positivity and action. Whenever something negative creeps in, I immediately replace it with something positive. It’s a conscious choice to be happy. I thought I could just decide to be happy one day and BOOM! Happiness! Nirvana! Ecstasy! Yeah well, It doesn’t quite work that way, you/I really have to work at it. This change is not only improving my attitude but I’m noticing a marked improvement in my relationships. I don’t even think twice about the things that used to bug the hell outta me. Don’t get it twisted, I’m still a work in progress. I’m not walking around with a cheese-eating grin and telling people to have a nice day. I’m really just telling myself to have a nice day. And I do.

I spent several hours on Saturday inside my dream. Right inside it. I won’t explain what that means but when I was in that place I was inspired. I know my outcome and I am doing what it takes to get there. Life is good, man and I just want to scream right now.

Day 38

There are rewards for obedience:

God will lavish you with good things: children from your womb, offspring from your animals, and crops from your land, the land that God promised your ancestors that he would give you. God will throw open the doors of his sky vaults and pour rain on your land on schedule and bless the work you take in hand. You will lend to many nations but you yourself won't have to take out a loan. God will make you the head, not the tail; you'll always be the top dog, never the bottom dog, as you obediently listen to and diligently keep the commands of God, your God, that I am commanding you today. Don't swerve an inch to the right or left from the words that I command you today by going off following and worshiping other gods. Deuteronomy 28:11-14 – The Message

It’s a beautiful day. We should see 87 degrees before it’s all said and done. What a beautiful day.

I woke up around 5:30 this morning but instead of getting ready for work I got ready for the gym. I did 30 squats, 30 pushups and 30 sit-ups at the house and once my daughter was ready, I dropped her off at 7:00 and headed on over to the gym and did 30 minutes of cardio. I was back home before 8:00 and at my office before 9:00. You see, I have so much more going on lately that it was just getting more and more difficult to go to the gym after work. I tried to get up at 4:00 a.m. and push myself but that just wasn’t happening. So I’m changing my work schedule. Great solution. If I am going to accomplish everything that I have to accomplish I have to be healthy. I have to be strong.

On my way to work I stopped at the gas station and successfully filled my tank and spilled gas all over myself in the process. I rushed home, got cleaned up and still got to work before 9:00. A contractor was scheduled to be at my house this morning at 10:00. This guy showed up but he didn’t have the right equipment with him for the job. He apologized all over the place and asked if he could reschedule for Monday. **shrugs** These things happen. So, even with the gas spill (which was actually kind of funny) and the work delays … God is still good. It’s still a beautiful day. I am floating on air today.

Have a great weekend!

Day 37

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. – John 10:10

What does abundant life mean to you?

Day 35

From Day 1 I expected a miracle. I expected to wake up and be a new person. It doesn’t quite work that way. I still have my emotional outbursts, just not as often. I still get angry, just not as often. I do find myself giving people the benefit of the doubt. I also noticed that I’m making more of an effort to resolve conflict more quickly. When I think about it … that is a miracle.

It’s a process.

Have you ever seen one of your ugly traits on someone else and only then did you realize how ugly it actually was? For example, it wasn’t until I saw someone being overly defensive that I realized how defensive I could be and how that is really and truly not a good look. I’m working on that. There are so many things that have to be done. Not just for me … but I know that I have to be a better example to the Prince and the Princess. When I’m gone, I want them to remember me in a fond way. I want them to think highly of me. I want them to know that anything is possible.

Luke 18:27 – The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

Day 34

Are you aware of the profound effect a new shade of lipstick has on your overall well being? Well, let me tell you … it’s amazing. Just amazing. I went for my facial on Saturday and my aesthetician gave me a customized list of colors for the Fall. Afterward I headed on over to the MAC counter to see what I could see. At first I was skeptical because the colors looked really dark but once I put them on POW! Stunning. At least, that’s what the makeup girl said and who am I to argue? You see, during my birthday month I take better care of myself than usual and a couple bucks for “stunning” was well worth it.

I need to do some shopping so I can start dressing for the job I want (business owner) instead of the job that I have (employee). Everything in my closet says BLAH. Neutral colors, suits and very few accessories. I want to glam it up a bit. I have to be so conservative now and it’s making me look and feel kind of old. Or maybe I just feel that way because 45 is right around the corner. Whatever the reason I need to update my wardrobe. Over the weekend I increased my jewelry inventory and thanks to coupons, discounts and gift cards I bought over $53 worth of stuff for only $12. That’s my kind of shopping right there.

Some friends have invited us to have dinner with them tonight on their boat. Now, I’m not a fan of the water … I like looking at it from a distance but I’m not trying to be that close to it, but I’ve been assured that it’s a big enough boat that I’ll be just fine.

My business plans are coming together slowly and I have shaken off my fear of failure. Now, I’m afraid of not trying. This is all too important and I can’t think of one reason why I shouldn’t continue to move forward. There are so many resources available to me that I really don’t have an excuse for not trying.

On another note, my daughter spent the day with me on Saturday. You have to understand, it’s quite rare that she ever emerges from her bedroom and when she does it’s to do something with her friends. But on Saturday she asked if she could tag along while I ran my errands. I, of course, jumped at the chance to spend time with her.

Me: “Why did you decide to hang out with me today?”
Her: “I don’t know. I just wanted to.”
Me: “Good, because I like having you around.”
Her: “Doesn’t everybody?”

She makes me sick.

Day 31

Another week gone.

Question: Are you more driven by rules or by principles?

I’m singing in a big blues show tonight. It’s been a minute and I’m looking forward to it. I’ll be channeling Buddy Guy, Muddy Waters and Etta James all day. One of the songs I’m singing is called, “You Can Have My Husband, But Please Don’t Mess With My Man!” Don’t you love that? It’s going to be a good night.

The best part of my birthday month is that I rack up the Happy Birthday coupons from my favorite places, so far I received coupons from DSW ($5), JCP ($15) and Salon Vivace ($20). I haven’t been to DSW in ages because I wasn’t thrilled during my last visit—maybe I’ll get a bag or something. I’ll probably buy a bunch of big jewelry at JCP and I have a facial appointment tomorrow at Vivace, so it all works out. I love October.

Have you been checking out the reviews? I went to a cute Latin restaurant last weekend so be on the look out for that review. I need to figure out where I’m going next … in more ways than one.

Today’s message on my calendar of messages reads: Your mind is the most powerful tool you have, and as long as you are clear about what you want, you will take the necessary steps toward reaching your goal.

I love how confirmation continually smacks me dead in the face. It is so true. When I first decided that I wanted to buy my house, I had no clue where to begin … seriously … I was as dumb as a box of rocks. But I was clear about what I wanted and I took the necessary steps and in less than a year I was closing. Not by coincidence. Not by luck. But by faith, determination and hard work.

Life is good.

Day 30

I am valuable (Luke 12:7)

God wants to give me the best (Luke 12:32)

Day 29

Things are moving along. Even though my head is spinning because of all the things I don’t know … I do know that I’m not too ignorant to learn. I also know that I will never work harder in my life than when I make the move to work for myself. However, I truly believe the rewards will be greater than the so-called “rewards” I may have received over the past 30 years of working for someone else. Does that make sense?

So much work to do. Not sure how much of the particulars should be disclosed … I am going to a 2-day workshop in the Spring specific to this business venture.

The weather is changing and I’m so looking forward to my last trip of the year. I love to visit the wineries, man. My favorite meritage is going to be available and I may come back with a case.

I feel so good. Even when I’m frustrated and impatient and confused … I still feel really good.

Day 26

Today's sermon came from Joshua 1:1-9:


1:6 - Be strong and of good courage

1:7 - Be strong and very courageous

1:9 - I command you, be strong and of good courage



Any questions?