Me? Wrong? Part II

Are you willing to be wrong?

I think that most people that have reached adulthood and have been through a thing or two are more than willing to admit when they are wrong. Willing to admit when they have made a mistake and take responsibility for that mistake.

For most of us that's pretty easy.

"Your issue is that you have to examine your willingness to be wrong."

I sat across the desk from my COO as he told me this yesterday. I try awfully hard to keep my emotions in check. I try not to let eveyone know what I'm feeling and usually folks don't know for sure what I'm about or where I'm coming from and I like that. There is the rare occasion when some ridiculously perceptive person will see through the facade and read me like a harlequin romance. My boyfriend and my COO are two examples.

My boyfriend once told me that I was as intimidating as a Hello Kitty purse.

And my COO hit it on the head when he recognized that I am unwilling to be wrong. Not after the fact but before. What I mean is that, once I make a decision I stand by it and whatever happens happens. If I'm wrong -- so be it. But I find myself in situations when I refuse to do this or that because I don't want to be wrong. One example is in my professional life. I know my business and I'm good at it but I'm hesitant to try something new because I don't want to misstep or misspeak in a professional setting. I don't often volunteer information in meetings because I don't want to be wrong. I know how stupid that is because more times than not if I had spoken up I would have been right and then I kick myself for the rest of the day. As a Black woman in Corporate America I have to work so damned hard to be viewed as an equal and there are people in my office right now who lay in wait for me to screw up. F*ck those haters. If I wasn't good they wouldn't be on me like that. But I still watch my step. Another example can be found in my personal life. I have a guy that loves me more than anything but I won't marry him because I am not willing to be wrong for the third time.

Sitting there in the COOs office this reality hit me like a brick ... and I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Then I felt like a total loser for crying in the office. Whatever. I don't even know what the hell I was crying for. Was I crying over the realization that I'm really screwed up in the head? Was I upset because something very personal was unintentionally revealed?

I've got to get over this. I had an incredible interview yesterday morning followed up by another phone interview this afternoon. In total, I spoke with five people and the general consensus is that I'll be offered a position by the end of the week. Of course, I have not shared this with anyone because ... what if I'm wrong?