Spontaneous? Um ...

I often wonder how difficult it is to deal with me. I am very regimented, I make a list for everything and it drives me crazy to be taken out of my routine. It’s hard for me to do anything without a plan. If there is no plan, than I have a hard time proceeding. In short, I lack the spontaneity gene. I’m aware of it and I’m trying to loosen up but it must be really hard to deal with me.

Merge

How do you successfully merge your life with someone else’s? Not just the merging of belongings but of habits, lifestyles, etc.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I know it’s not impossible. Surely, it can be done but when I think about it for too long it just seems like a huge undertaking.

For example:

Me
Morning person
Work a regular 9-5 with weekends free
Raising two teenagers
More laid back when it comes to household chores
Planner

Him
Night person
Self-employed, generally works afternoons, evenings and weekends
Never been married/No children
Rigid when it comes to doing things around the house
Spontaneous

My biggest concern is the fact that he has no idea what it is like to live with teenagers. He may be used to finding things exactly where he left them. Unfortunately, with kids in the house that is not always the case. (i.e., “Didn’t I just buy that box of Wheat Thins?”) I understand that there will be compromises to make but again, this just seems like a huge undertaking. I don’t want anyone to be inconvenienced … least of all my kids. They like how things are and they didn’t ask for their lives to be disrupted. Sometimes I think we’ve lasted almost six years because we don’t live together.

How do people make this work?

Me? Wrong? Part II

Are you willing to be wrong?

I think that most people that have reached adulthood and have been through a thing or two are more than willing to admit when they are wrong. Willing to admit when they have made a mistake and take responsibility for that mistake.

For most of us that's pretty easy.

"Your issue is that you have to examine your willingness to be wrong."

I sat across the desk from my COO as he told me this yesterday. I try awfully hard to keep my emotions in check. I try not to let eveyone know what I'm feeling and usually folks don't know for sure what I'm about or where I'm coming from and I like that. There is the rare occasion when some ridiculously perceptive person will see through the facade and read me like a harlequin romance. My boyfriend and my COO are two examples.

My boyfriend once told me that I was as intimidating as a Hello Kitty purse.

And my COO hit it on the head when he recognized that I am unwilling to be wrong. Not after the fact but before. What I mean is that, once I make a decision I stand by it and whatever happens happens. If I'm wrong -- so be it. But I find myself in situations when I refuse to do this or that because I don't want to be wrong. One example is in my professional life. I know my business and I'm good at it but I'm hesitant to try something new because I don't want to misstep or misspeak in a professional setting. I don't often volunteer information in meetings because I don't want to be wrong. I know how stupid that is because more times than not if I had spoken up I would have been right and then I kick myself for the rest of the day. As a Black woman in Corporate America I have to work so damned hard to be viewed as an equal and there are people in my office right now who lay in wait for me to screw up. F*ck those haters. If I wasn't good they wouldn't be on me like that. But I still watch my step. Another example can be found in my personal life. I have a guy that loves me more than anything but I won't marry him because I am not willing to be wrong for the third time.

Sitting there in the COOs office this reality hit me like a brick ... and I couldn't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. Then I felt like a total loser for crying in the office. Whatever. I don't even know what the hell I was crying for. Was I crying over the realization that I'm really screwed up in the head? Was I upset because something very personal was unintentionally revealed?

I've got to get over this. I had an incredible interview yesterday morning followed up by another phone interview this afternoon. In total, I spoke with five people and the general consensus is that I'll be offered a position by the end of the week. Of course, I have not shared this with anyone because ... what if I'm wrong?

Enlighten Me

I know a young lady who is going through a divorce. Or so I thought. A few months ago she would talk to me, almost daily, about how jacked up her husband is. She shared her struggles with me and the plan that she had to leave. She finally moved out and got her own place and everything seemed to be going well. She was adjusting nicely.

Then a few days ago she asked me to take her to the car dealership to pick up her husband's car. Then she was going out of town and he was taking her to the airport. Her conversations with me have almost stopped completely but it seems that she and her spouse are on the road to reconciliation.

Which is great.

But I wonder why she couldn't wait to share all the crappy stuff but when things appear to have turned around ... there is no more sharing.

Why are we so free to share bad news but reluctant to share the good news?