Maintain Optimism While Learning Patience

This morning’s run: 2.5 miles in 28 minutes. Not bad but I really need to increase my speed if I want to reach my goal of finishing the 5k in 30 minutes. The race is in 10 days. Hope springs eternal.

I have learned the greatest lesson in patience during this process. Putting one foot in front of the other is the only way to get to the finish line. There are no shortcuts. I’ve searched for shortcuts my whole life. Going through the process is not something that I find attractive. I need to be gratified instantly.

Want to learn patience? Train for a 5k.

I’ll admit that going through it is not always fun but when you get closer to the goal, the excitement builds and all you can think about is victory. This concept applies to many aspects of my life.

I didn’t know how I was going to get over my ex. The break up was long and drawn out and I really just wanted to wake up one day and be “on with my life”. Why doesn’t it work that way? I suppose if it were that easy then there would be no lesson. I think I finally have it figured out though. That relationship is in the past and I’m getting closer to being in a place where I’m ready to try again. Close but not quite there, as evidenced by yesterday’s post. I’m open to the idea which is definitely better than where I was a year ago. Last year I told myself that if I’m supposed to be alone for the rest of my life than so be it. This year? Not so much. We’re not built to walk through this life alone. That’s funny because for almost 30 years I have been trying to prove that I could go it alone. I have wasted so much time. But I suppose it’s not too late. Where am I in the process? Well, one thing I know that I definitely need to deal with is controlling my emotions. That is huge and I never wanted to admit how emotional I am but I am. It’s crazy how easy it is for me to “catch feelings”. It’s my downfall. I don’t want to deny my emotions and I refuse to turn into an emotionless shrew, but I am determined to be a bit more logical in my decision-making.

What else?

Once this race is completed I’ll need another goal to pursue. I have to keep setting these goals in order to challenge myself. I have no earthly idea why I feel like I need to challenge myself. Part of me really just wants to float through life carefree and oblivious to all that goes on around me. But I wouldn’t be fulfilled and I know it.

I’m beginning to ramble so this is probably a good place to end this post. I listened to this song this morning as I was completing the 2.5 miles. Great song for the end of a run … “you can win as long as you keep your head to the sky”

Patience

I need some.



I have too many pots on the stove and I'm waiting for all of them to boil.



The bad thing about having a good idea is waiting for it to develop and take shape and manifest into a final product.



I'm exhausted.

Restless

My alarm goes off every morning at 5:15

I hit the snooze button until about 5:40

I get out of bed and do 25 pushups

And 50 bicycle crunches

I take a shower

Wake up my daughter

Turn on Joyce Meyer

Make the bed

Lay out my clothes

Put on my makeup

Get dressed

Do my hair

Turn to the news to check the weather

Go downstairs and make my lunch

Make my breakfast

Jump on the internet

Finish my breakfast

Go back upstairs and brush my teeth

Turn off the television and head back downstairs to wait for the Princess

We leave the house by 7:00 am

I arrive at my office by 7:30 depending on the traffic.

And for the next nine hours I sit at a desk in a room with fluorescent lighting and answer questions, read terms and conditions, process modifications, sit in on conference calls and a bunch of other stuff that I cannot even remember I did by the end of the day. This is my weekday. No deviations whatsoever. Can you see why I get so excited about the weekend and an opportunity to mix it up a bit? Don’t get me wrong, I am terribly grateful to have a job which allows me to do whatever I want whenever I want. I am blessed. But I am also bored.

I can’t ask myself what happened because I know what happened. The “golden handcuffs” is what happened. I took a job 14 years ago and realized I was pretty good at it, or at least had the potential to be good at it and these people kept throwing money at me. I enjoy my lifestyle and in order to maintain it I need to do what I have to do. I don’t hate my job but I’m not in love with it either.

I think about downsizing once the kids are gone. But who knows when that will be? I’m hoping in less than five years.

I’m getting restless and I’m not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I suppose that as long as my restlessness doesn’t lead to a foolish, impulsive decision I’m okay. Like, say uh, quitting my job, cashing in my retirement and opening a bookstore. Don’t think I haven’t thought about it.

Patience, Michele. That’s what I keep telling myself. Patience. Timing is everything.

I need a project.

Is it Friday yet?