Treats

Today marks the end of a huge project that I’ve been working on since the summer. I am so glad it’s over, you just don’t know. It’s also an anniversary of sorts so I’ve decided to really treat myself this weekend. I know I talk about treating myself often and how important it is, but I don’t actually do it as much as I’d like. Most of my weekends are spent running, doing my hair, going to church and making a meal. Besides going to church, the rest of those things are chores. Chores that I love to do, but chores nonetheless. This weekend I’m going to throw some real treats into the mix.

So in addition to running ten miles and spending four hours on my hair, here's what's on tap:

I need some new accessories so I’m going shoe shopping (wait, are shoes considered an accessory?) and a girlfriend of mine designs jewelry so I’m going to pick up a few pairs of earrings from her. I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought a new pair of shoes. I’m so excited! I'm thinking a really sexy heel. I think I may need a new suit as well ...

I also haven’t written a restaurant review since October. I’ve gone out to eat but I haven’t been anywhere new. So I think I’ll treat myself to a nice lunch or dinner after shopping.

Denzel has a new movie coming out this weekend and it looks like it’s worth seeing. Isn't Denzel always worth seeing? So a matinee may be in order.

I’ve also decided to give myself Monday off.

I’m going to have a great weekend and I hope you do too. Remember to do something special for yourself or for someone that you love.

A Day of Firsts

• My daughter's first day of high school
• My son's first checking account that he opened without any assistance from me
• The first time my guy heard me say, "Fine, let's get married tomorrow.

Funnies

Weird things make me laugh. I don't mean smile, or giggle ... I mean out-loud laughing. When my kids were little they would tell me jokes. Most of them were corny as hell but I would smile and make them feel good. But I remember one joke in particular that one of them told me that still makes me laugh to this day:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrup ...
MOO!!!

That still cracks me up.

Then there's the commercial that shows a man in a job interview and he has a stain on his shirt. The stain talks over him every time he answers the interviewer's questions. That commercial has me on the floor in tears. So now just to irritate my kid, whenever he talks I talk over him just like the stain ... in tears I tell you, in tears.

Today I went into Subway for lunch and I was probably the sixth person in line. The guy right in front of me was clearly agitated and in a hurry. He was bouncing from one foot to the other and at one point I thought he had to use the restroom. He was a young guy, probably in his thirties, dressed in the business casual uniform and clean cut. He could not keep still, he keeps looking at the front of the line then at the back of the line. I'm finding him very amusing. Then the woman in front of him starts to order and she has a list. She also has one of those whiny voices and she drags out one syllable words so they sound like they have two syllables. It's hard to be behind people at Subway who don't know the menu. They take a really a long time but I didn't notice the time because I'm watching Mr. Impatient get more and more frustrated. When it was finally his turn why did this fool hold up a Subway scrabble card and ask for an oatmeal cookie? An oatmeal cookie. I fell out. Then ... the lady told him he had to get his cookie from the cashier and he said, "I have to wait?" Then I stopped laughing and I looked at him sideways. What makes this self-important prick think he shouldn't have to wait in line with the rest of us? All I know is that he must have really wanted that oatmeal cookie to wait in line at Subway during lunch.

I laughed my ass off this morning in the conference room when one of my co-workers made a (Freudian) slip and called our COO Grief instead of his name, which is quite close to that.

I love to laugh. When I woke up this morning all I could think about was crawling back under the covers and hiding. I just wasn't feeling it. But I pressed on and I'm glad I did because a few good belly laughs and a bag of peanut butter M&Ms made everything all right.

I saw a woman in the bar tonight and her name was Debbie. She may have been in her late thirties but she looked like she was in her early fifties. She had a bad dye job, little shorts and a tube top that barely covered her tig-o-bitties. When I first saw her I was like, "Damn." But after I watched her for a while I stopped judging her and realized that she really appeared to be happy. She had a bunch of tattoos and she was explaining to various patrons what each of them meant. Yeah, she had had a few but she wasn't drunk. She was a litle tipsy. Whatever, I ain't mad at you, Debbie ... do you. Hell, I'm sure people wonder about me being in my forties, singing classic rock tunes in a sports bar on a Thursday night. **shrugs** I have to do me.

And I sincerely hope that you are out there doing YOU.

Everyday Should Be Saturday

Unfortunately, it's Monday. And I only have a few minutes to tell my tale. I had a decision to make. Should I really make him work hard or should I just stop being a b**ch and enjoy myself? Tough decision because as you may have guessed: I'm really good at being a b**ch. But I'm so trying to change that. I think that's why my karma is so bad.

I spent most of Saturday morning nursing a hangover while laying out in my backyard reading Ne.w En.gland W.hite. If it seems like I've been reading this book forever it's because I have. It's more than 400 pages and it's not a page-turner. Good book, no less ... but damn.

Later in the afternoon I got myself together and headed out for my 24-hour adventure with my guy. One lesson that I have learned is that time is precious and if we only had 24 hours I had to make the most of each minute. So I decided to put the b**ch away and have some fun. In 24 hours I managed to accomplish the following:

• travel to another city
• have two martinis
• have two crabcakes (too much filler)
• have a cool discussion about thoroughbreds
• meet a corporate flight attendant who once worked for Ke.nn.y Ch.esn.ey
• discuss the "coolness" of Cher
• have three orgasms
• enjoy a beautiful champagne brunch
• $16 for valet? seriously?
• wear an amazing outfit that made a passerby say, "Damn!"
• fall in love again

Not bad, friends. Not bad at all. Enjoy your week ... every single minute of it.